Changes of the Heart
by RachelxMichelle
Summary: He was what she thought she'd always wanted and after all the heartache, how could she be wrong? But after an accident that reunites her with her past, she battles a mixture of emotions until she realizes who her heart really belongs to.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: All twilight characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer._

A/N: So, this is my first Carlisle/Bella fic. I was a little nervous about posting this at first, but I got over it and gave in. I would really love to hear what you think about it.

This starts just a few months short of a year after the Cullen's left her.

The rating is for what I have so far, I have no idea what the future may bring. ;)

The two, well three, songs mentioned below, in order, are:  
_Harden My Heart_ by Quarterflash  
_Sleepwalker_ by Adam Lambert  
_Your Betrayal_ by Bullet For My Valentine

And a huge thanks to TheUnderStudy for fixing this up for me!

* * *

**Chapter 1**

It was cold, gray and wet; much like every day in Forks, Washington. I had to admit, there was a part of me that was sad to leave it all behind. Mostly, I was happy to say goodbye. There was too much at risk if I stayed. It was finally time to pick up all the pieces of my heart and mind, move on, and learn to put them back together again.

"Bells, are you sure you want to go?" Charlie asked as he popped my last bag into the passenger seat of the truck. I was standing out in the middle of the driveway next to my beat up old red truck. I was looking up at the morning sky letting the raindrops land on my face. My eyes were closed and I took a deep breath of cool air as it blew in my direction, whipping my hair behind me. I sighed, turned my face in his direction, and opened my eyes.

"Yes, Dad. I _need_ to do this," I told him and forced a smile onto my face. It wasn't about wanting really as it was that I _had_ to get out of there.I had to show myself that I could, not only survive on my own, but also live away from the place that was a constant reminder that he existed. I had to let it go. I had finally come to terms with the fact that he was gone and he was never coming back. Just as he had promised.

"It really won't be the same around here without you, honey," he said as he moved to stand in front of me.

"Yeah, it won't be so depressing." I offered him a real smile that time and he reached out and pulled me into a quick hug.

"I just wish you didn't think you have to leave to be happy," he said as he pulled away. "But I understand. No details needed."

"Thanks." I slid my hands into the pockets of my jeans as I took a deep breath and let it out loudly. "Well I guess that's it."

"You keep in contact with me. You hear me? Call me every night. Tell me about where you are and where you think you may be going. If you need money, or anything-"

"Dad," I said softly, cutting him off. "I got this. I can handle this." He hated the idea that I was going out on my own. But he hated even more that I wanted to take a road trip instead of settling down somewhere.

"I just don't think it's a good idea for you to go out so unprotected." _Here we go with the protective stuff again_, I thought to myself. Little did he know that one of the most dangerous creatures on the planet had already hurt me more than I could have ever imagined. I couldn't tell him that though.

"Dad."

"Alright, alright. Just, be safe. Okay? Here or not, I need you, Bells."

Charlie wasn't one for being very emotional, but he was starting to surprise me. His words touched on something that I was hoping to at least keep locked up until I hit the road. Yet, the tears let loose and I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug.

"I love you, Dad. I'll call you tonight to let you know where I'm at."

"Okay. I love you too. Bye, Bella."

I gave him a small smile as I pulled away and hopped into the truck, slamming it closed. I grabbed at the seat belt and pulled it tightly against me before I put the keys in the ignition. It started up, rumbling and vibrating and I waved goodbye as I backed out.

I wasn't exactly sure what made me decide to take a road trip instead of going to collage like a normal high school graduate, but it just seemed to feel right. I had spent so much of my life worrying about what other people were going to do, that I didn't really pay attention to what I wanted. So when it came time to fill out collage applications, I procrastinated until it was too late and I didn't care.

As I drove, I thought back to a night when I was laying in bed going over my future.I was laying in bed one night going over my future. That's when it finally hit me. What is in my future? I couldn't even remember what I wanted before Forks. Once I met that coven of vampires that stole my heart, I never really saw myself without them. I never stopped to consider if whether they saw me with them. That's also when I realized that I was sitting around, waiting for the impossible. They weren't coming back, so why should I stay?

After that, the decision to leave sounded better and better. I thought over places I would go, things I would see and nothing really sounded that exciting. During the few weeks that I thought about it, the idea to just go on a road trip and end up wherever life takes me came up and it was the first time in a long time I was happy about something. I kept my job at Newton's a little longer until I was sure money would be fine for a while. I had plenty since I hadn't spent a dime on anything more than just gas to get to and from school, work, and home.

Charlie hated the idea from day one, but he couldn't tell me no. I could see it in his eyes how torn he was. He just wanted me to be happy, so he didn't try to stop me. Renee on the other hand tried everything she could long distance to stop me for about a month before she gave in. She was worried I would get abducted and they wouldn't find out for months. I just laughed at her negativity, but at least I knew where I got it from.

Forks held nothing but bad memories for me. Everywhere I turned there was his smiling face looking back at me, showing me what was never mine to hold onto, pushing me to the edge of my sanity. The nightmares only got worse. The feeling of being abandoned and never healing again was torturous.

I had to give myself credit though. My creativity for my vivid dreams was pretty good. They felt so real sometimes. It was as if I was lying out there on the cold, wet ground again, screaming for him to come back to me. Only the pain grew more intense over time. Like a deep wound throbbing, infected and going without some sort of treatment.

It was just time for me to leave that old life of mine behind and move on. They say time heals all wounds. Yet, how can that happen when you feel like you're frozen in place? The road trip was my way to try and move myself, kick time in the ass and get it going again. I could only hope the pain would ease the further I went.

By the time I had looked at the clock again, I realized it was later in the evening than I had thought. I had spent most of the drive crying on and off at the memories and being anxious about finally being on my own. I glanced out my window and the sun was setting, causing a beautiful pink to spread across the sky above the mountains to my right. I sighed at the comfort I felt in the silence of my truck. The signs I was approaching let me know I was almost to Portland, Oregon; my next stop.

As if on cue, my stomach growled and I began deciding on where I wanted to stop for food. My phone started buzzing and I smiled as I shook my head, knowing that Charlie wouldn't have let me go too long without talking. Along with my safety, he worried about the old truck handling the road. He had bought me the cell phone to ease his worries and I happily took it.

"Dad," I answered with a laugh. "I'm entering Portland, which was where I was planning to call you from…"

"Yes, but I was trying to call you earlier. Why didn't you answer?" he asked sounding impatient.

"Yeah, service cut out for a while. Everything okay?" I asked, curiously

"Well, yeah I guess. You just forgot that gas can I wanted you to take with you."

"Oh, damn. Well, I can pick one up here somewhere I'm sure. No worries."

"Alright. Where are you heading now?"

"I'm going to get something to eat, then head south some more."

"Alright. Be careful,"

"Always. Talk to you later."

"Yep," was all he said before he hung up.

Once inside the mess that was Portland, I stopped at a gas station to fill up and get a gas can, just to ease Charlie's worries. I also grabbed some of their packaged sandwiches since I wasn't too hungry and a coffee. I wasn't tired, but in case; I didn't plan on stopping for a while.

The roads were dark and empty and it was nice hearing nothing but the sound of tires on the wet asphalt. I was tempted to turn on the radio a few times, but music still bugged me sometimes and I was doing well, so I didn't want to trigger anything that wasn't necessary. I was a little uneasy when Charlie had gotten the stereo fixed when he took my truck in to get checked out. He wasn't pleased with the huge hole with wires sticking out. He didn't ask and I was happy for that. I had no idea what I would have said if he had.

I watched as the cities passed by along with the hours. Before I knew it, it was morning again and I was just entering California. At some point, I'm not even sure what time, I turned on the radio for some background noise. I set it on some random station and after one song finished another song came on. I found myself singing along with the chorus without really listening to the words. Once I did, it seemed oddly fitting.

"_I'm gonna harden my heart  
I'm gonna swallow my tears  
I'm gonna turn...and...leave you here.."_

I didn't know what the singer's story was, but I could relate a little. Only for me, I was leaving his memory behind. There wasn't that much of a difference, considering his memory held almost as much power over me as he did when he was still around. The ache was growing again and I changed the station to something else.

"_It's like I can't even feel  
After the way you touched me  
I'm not asleep but I'm not awake  
After the way you loved me"_

"Not helping," I groaned as I turned the dial roughly. I found something harder to listen to and it made me feel a little better.

It was proof that even the simplest songs held some kind of reminder, but most I was able to look past. The song I left it at was singing about betrayal. Even that seemed to fit.

Most of the day was spent with singing along with songs, which was something I had hardly done even before Forks, and stopping occasionally for a bathroom, gas, or food. Instead of cutting straight through, I decided to head down ninety-nine some more and pass through Sacramento before heading to Nevada. Once I arrived in Sacramento, I called Charlie to let him know where I was.

"So where are you stopping to sleep?" he asked halfway through the call.

"Actually, with all the caffeine I've had, I'm not tired," I laughed.

"Bella, you need to sleep before you get into an accident…" he started going on about how whatever percentage of people in accidents thought they are okay enough to drive when they really weren't. I blocked him out as I looked around until he was finished.

"Got it, Dad. I'll stop somewhere soon, I promise."

After more promises to call and all that junk, he finally let me off the phone. I didn't really care to see much more of the city, so I did what I needed to do and started heading out. Of course, thanks to Charlie, I was starting to feel tired. Heading out of town, there were a few truck stops and I picked one to pull into. It had quite a bit of people there, so I felt alright stopping, but I parked in the shade since there was still a bit of time before the sun would set. I cleared off the seats and lied back with my knees up and my head resting on my jacket as a pillow. I set an alarm on my phone and fell right to sleep.

Two hours later the beeping of my phone alerted me it was time to wake up, only I felt even more tired than I was before, but with the sun setting, I didn't feel comfortable enough to sleep there any longer. I got out of my truck and stretched a bit before got back in and continued my drive. It probably wasn't a smart thing to do, but I didn't see any other option.

About an hour and a half of driving, I was starting to realize that it was a really bad idea to have started driving so quickly. There were no gas stations in sight or anything to stop and get some coffee and I was starting to doze off more and more. Unfortunately, there were no places that I could find on the damn highway to pull over to at least take a break.

I felt my eyes close for the last time and it could have been for a second or a minute, but the last thing I remembered was a sharp pain in my thigh and I couldn't move my leg. Sounds echoed around me for a moment. It was muffled, as if someone had stuck their fingers in my ears. Before I could think too much on it, I had fallen back into a peaceful sleep.

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What do you think of the beginning?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So here's the next chapter. Thanks again to TheUnderStudy for helping me fix this mess. =) I would love to hear what you think.

Also, sorry the chapters won't be that long. I write as it comes to me and leave off where it seems right. Some may be long, some short. It all depends on the situation.

Oh and I made a thread on TwiWrite forums for this story. I will be posting chapter teasers and stuff. I just put a teaser for chapter 3 up. Link to forum can be found on my profile. =)

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**Chapter 2 **

It was beautiful where I stood on the cliff, overlooking a beautiful lake under the setting sun. Wind blew past me, causing my long hair to swirl around my head. I closed my eyes and just tried to feel, but I felt nothing. I wasn't even cold. Something caught my eye and I noticed a helicopter lowering to the ground and a glimpse of flashing light glowed below it. People scattered around and from my view, it was almost like ants running around after you had just startled them.

"Miss Swan," a male voice called out to me, but when I turned, I was still completely alone. "Miss Swan, open your eyes," he said again and I grew confused. Who did the voice belong too? Where was he? But as I turned to look in the other direction, I slipped on a rock and fell over the edge of the cliff.

"Miss Swan," he repeated, more clearly than the other times as I fell. I closed my eyes in panic, wondering when I would reach the rocks below, but it never came. Instead, when I opened my eyes, I was stunned by a bright white light and flinched, causing my whole body to ache.

"Ah, there you are, Miss Swan. You had me worried there for a minute."

"Who-," I choked before I could even get the whole work out. My throat was raw and burned with the intake of air as I tried to speak.

"Shh," he whispered. "I'm Dr. Malone. You are currently in Barton Memorial Hospital. You were in an accident two days ago about thirty minutes from here." At my confused look, he added, "We are in South Lake Tahoe."

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. An accident? I couldn't believe I had really fallen asleep while driving.

_Charlie was going to kill me,_ I'd thought. Before I could think of anything else, another wave a panic hit me. I took a deep breath through the tubes in my nose and I tried to start speaking again.

"Was… any… one-," I started, but before I could finish he shook his head as he scribbled down something on his clip board. I gasped at the burning.

"No. No one else was involved. You drove off the side of the road, which had a bit of a drop and you smashed your truck against the side of a cliff. You were very fortunate that someone was driving not very far behind you and was able to catch a glimpse of you going over."

I breathed a sigh of relief that no one else had been injured, or worse, at my own stupidity. I winced a bit at the thought.

"Luckily there were no major injuries other than a dislocated and broken knee. It was knocked out of place by the force of impact, which also caused some of the bone around the area to crack. You had one of the best surgeons I've ever seen work on you. So even though you'll be stuck in a wheelchair for a while, after that you'll be as good as new. Your neck is badly bruised from the steering wheel and that is part of the pain when you speak and breathe. Mostly it's from the shards of glass that made their way inside your mouth. You have plenty of scrapes and bruises and needed a few stitches, but overall, you are very lucky."

_Lucky?_ I wanted to ask, but didn't even bother with the attempt. I supposed it could have been worse. I could be permanently damaged or dead. I gave him a smile as thanks and glanced around the room for a few seconds before he spoke again.

"Is there anything else you need from me? My shift is about to end and the next doctor will be in to see you. If I am correct, it will be the one who performed your surgery." I smiled again and shook my head. I just wanted to go back to sleep. For the rest of my life if at all possible. "Alright then, I will see you tomorrow. You should be out of here in a couple days. Since your surgery was only last night, you'll need to stay for us to keep an eye on it a bit longer."

I nodded my head and looked down at my badly scratched hands. I closed my eyes and tried to force away the tears that wanted to fall free, but it was no use. I couldn't even move my hands far enough to wipe them away. I felt so weak and tired, so I just kept my eyes closed and turned my head to the side and drifted back off into a welcoming, dreamless sleep.

I woke up in a daze as a machine rudely beeped continuously in my ear. I tried my hardest to block the sound out, but it was no use. I tried to roll to my side, forgetting about my stupid injuries and gasped as a pain shot from my knee and moved through my entire body. Tears fell from my eyes instantly as I heard footsteps quietly move through my room.

"Are you alright?" a male voice whispered from behind me as he stopped the annoying machine.

"Thank you," I rasped, not paying attention to who was in the room, but more on the pain and the fact that my throat hurt slightly less than before.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" he asked.

"No thanks."

"I'll have a nurse come in to bring you your medication and I should be back soon to check on you again."

"Okay."

I listened to his footsteps until they faded away and breathed out a sigh as the tears I held back fell freely. But just as I had done that, something occurred to me. The man's voice was slightly familiar; it just had taken me a moment to realize it. I shook my head to erase the thought. It had to have just been my imagination. It had obviously been very cruel to me in the past.

I was thinking about just going back to sleep until I remembered a nurse was coming in to give me the pain medication that my body was starting to remind me I needed. I let out another small sigh as I tried to reach for the remote thing to try to find out if there was anything decent to watch on TV. Just as I finally got the remote, the nurse walked in.

"How are you feeling today, Isabella?" she asked with a smile on her face on pale, lined face. She had dark hair with streaks of gray and looked to be in her mid-fifties.

"Shitty," I said and coughed a little painfully.

"I'm sorry, dear. Let's see what I can do to help you some."

She patted my arm softly before she reached over to the tray she had carried in and picked up two little cups. One had a few pills and the other had some strange looking greenish blue liquid in it.

"Here you go," she said handing me the cup of pills and grabbing a cup of water with a straw. I took out each pill and took them individually with tiny sips of water so I didn't choke. The pills stung as they went down. "Does your throat still hurt that bad?" I nodded my head and took another sip of water. The coolness of it helped a little. "Here you go," she said, handing me the cup with the liquid. "It just helps the burn a little. It tastes just like cough medicine," she added when I eyed it curiously. It did taste just like cough medicine. It reminded me of Nyquil actually and I was almost sure that was what it was.

"Is that better?" she asked softly as she tossed the empty cups into the trash.

"Yes," I said a little more clearly than before. "Thank you."

"Good, I'm glad. Well, the doctor should be back in soon," she said as she picked up the clip board with all of my information on it. "He's great. One of the best doctors I've seen in here in a long time. It's too bad he's only temporary."

My heart gave one hard thud in my chest as my mind tried to create something that just wasn't real. _Calm down, you're panicking over nothing, _I told myself, but it hardly worked and I barely heard the rest of what the nurse had said before she left. _You're just being paranoid,_ I told myself. _It doesn't prove anything. There is no way _they _would be here._

I pushed the buttons on the remote to turn the TV on and flipped channels. At some point, I had dozed off without even paying attention to what was even on the screen. I was woken up by the sound of things being moved around in my room. I squinted my eyes to see the figure cleaning off the table and replacing the items with a new tray and something that smelt amazing.

I glanced back at the person who must have been the doctor, but through my blurry eyes, I could barely make out any of his features. I tried not to move or do anything to let them know I was awake. However, after a second, he turned around and smiled slightly. My heartbeat picked up so fast, another machine started beeping along with it.

"Is something wrong?" he asked as he quickly turned to the machine, but didn't look back at me once it stopped.

"Huh?" I asked stupidly, closing my eyes to push away the image that floated into my mind. _No way…_

"Are you… in pain?" he asked softly, almost nervous. The voice echoed through my mind and it was just so… _NO!_

"No," I said, refusing to open my eyes.

"Are you sure? The medication should be working by now, but-"

"I'm fine," I snapped, hoping to get him to stop talking. The voice, it wasn't helping the image of his face get out of my head.

"Bella," he started slowly.

"This can't be happening," I whispered.

"I need to go over-"

"I'm going crazy, right? Did the other doctor specifically leave out brain damage?" I said more to myself and I heard him sigh.

"Bella, please."

I opened my eyes to see him standing to my right with his head in his hand and his other hand on his hip. The bright, silky blonde hair was more noticeable once I was more awake. As he removed his hand and turned to look at me, his golden eyes were undeniably bright and sparkled even in the dim lighting. And then the truth of it hit me like solid rock wall… all over again.

"Doctor Cullen, is it?" I asked, pulling up the steadiest voice I could. It was the only way I could deal with it. I wasn't going to acknowledge him. They wanted me to pretend they didn't exist, so to me, he wasn't going to be anything other than a normal doctor. It had to be that way. It was a sad attempt for my sanity, though I wasn't sure if that made it better or worse.

"What?" He asked, looking at me with a confused expression.

"What did you need to go over with me?" I said. My voice became hoarse and the burning was returning due to my overuse.

"The uh…" he shook his head and if the situation wasn't so horrible, I would have laughed. Not only was a vampire at a loss from words, but it was Carlisle Cullen, the one who had the answers to everything. "I need to go over the full results of your accident. I'm aware Dr. Malone discussed it with you, so I apologize for the repeat."

"Alright , get on with it please. I'd like to get back to sleep. I suddenly have a headache."

I turned my head to look up at the ceiling, but I did not miss the slight look of guilt that flashed across his face. As much as I hated to admit it, I cared more than I wanted to. Yet, I wouldn't let it show. I couldn't let him know that I was still getting over what they did to me. So it was time for me to put my acting skills to use. I didn't care if it was believable, or not, he'd get the point sooner or later.

I was not pleased that one of the reasons that had led me to be in the damn hospital was there to help me get out. I hated that once I was trying to finally move past them all leaving me behind, there they were again. At least there was only one of them. I could only hope the rest of them wouldn't make an appearance.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Just a quick note to thank TheUnderStudy for fixing this up for me. I really love hearing what you all think about this story so far. I apologize for not replying much for the last chapter, but life got a little busy there for a bit. Also, it's a bit short and I apologize for that, but that's just how it goes.

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**Chapter 3**

So Carlisle had done what he said and went over the full extent of my injuries. It wasn't any different from what Dr Malone had told me, except maybe a little more details that I really didn't need. Names of bones meant nothing to me, the exact words for the types of cuts I had were unnecessary, and everything just blurred as I tried my hardest to not look at him and pretend someone else was talking.

When that didn't work, I just focused on not breaking down.

He told me that I was to stay in the hospital for two more days so they could keep an eye on my more serious injuries. It was when he was talking about my release, that something suddenly popped into my head and a new wave of panic hit me. Where would I go when I got out? What would I do?

"Bella?" Carlisle asked once he could tell I had just stopped listening all together.

"Huh?" I asked.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." _Besides the obvious,_ I added in my head with a roll of my eyes.

"Does Charlie know you're here?" he asked, apparently picking up on my sudden tension. I didn't answer. "You're here alone?" I could hear the worry in his voice and it only made me angrier. I felt like a child as I folded my arms and stared straight ahead, but I found it was harder to stay quiet than I had thought.

"Why do you care?" I asked him.

"Bella…," he started, but I didn't let him finish.

"No, just… don't answer that."

"I've," he started, but sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "You need to call him; let him know what's going on. He's going to be worried."

I rolled my eyes and looked back up at the ceiling. Dozens of questions, thoughts and memories ran through my head and tears stung my eyes. I shook my head as I sniffed once.

"Don't you have other patients to attend to?" I asked him when he didn't move or speak.

He sighed again and started for the door, but stopped as he reached it. He turned to look at me once more with a sad expression then walked out of the door. My wall broke and my body shook with sobs. _Why was he here? Why does he now suddenly care? Where was he when his son shredded my life apart? Why can't he just leave me alone?_

I felt that I was going backwards in whatever amount of recovering I had done over the time they had been gone. It wasn't much, but when I couldn't stop myself from crying or remembering everything that I had shared with them, the gaping hole in my chest tore open again to what felt like double its original size.

I liked anger better. I could deal with anger. It didn't hurt so badly. So that was my new goal. Get as angry as possible, but don't let him see me cry.

At some point I had fallen asleep again, thanks to the pain medication. When I woke up again, Dr. Malone was back on shift. I wasn't too happy when he said that Carlisle was still around the hospital, and that he was doing more paperwork than anything else. I don't know why he thought I cared. Yet, when I glanced at the clock across the room and realized the sun was just starting to rise, I felt a little better. If it was going to be as sunny as it had been the day before, he wouldn't have the chance to stay very much longer. That thought made me smile slightly.

"I'm going to have to ask you some questions. Your chart doesn't seem to have much information on you," the doctor said.

"Maybe it's because of your other doctor," I told him, looking at the curtain covering the window to my left.

"I don't know about that," he said looking a little shocked once I turned to look at him. I looked away again.

"Sure."

"Well, I take it you're not from this area. So where are you from exactly? Your license says Forks, Washington."

"Yes, that would be correct."

"Did you drive all the way down here?"

"Yes."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"Is there anyone in the area you know?"

"No."

"So, you were just passing through then?"

"Yes." _Seriously?_

"Any family back in Forks you could call?"

"I'd rather not."

"It's just that, you're going to need some help when it comes time for you to check out of here."

I didn't answer.

"Have you put any thought to where you will stay? The accident left your truck irreparable. So even if you were able to, you'd have nothing to drive. Do you have money for a hotel?"

I sighed. I really hadn't put much thought into what would happen on the day I left.

"I… just need some time to think, please. This little accident ruined everything."

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan. One way of looking at it is things happen for a reason. You'll find a way to get back on your feet and finish what you started, if that's your choice."

"What horrible reason could have landed me here?" I asked angrily as I turned my glare onto him.

"What's so bad about here?" he asked, sounding a bit defensive.

"Nothing. Never mind."

"Alright then... I will be back this afternoon to help get you moving. Even if you can't use your leg, you need to stretch the rest of your body. The nurse will be in here soon with your breakfast and to get you prepared for later."

"Lovely."

He gave me a sad smile before he walked out of the room.

The thought of calling Charlie about the accident caused me to panic. What would he say if I told him that I had gotten into an accident not even four hours after I'd talked to him? He would be, not only angry and worried, but disappointed. I couldn't handle causing him any more of that. The thought of calling Renee came to mind, but I shoved that away quickly knowing that that option was much worse.

I tried not to think about it, but like everything else, it just wouldn't leave my mind. What would he say? Could he even get off work to come and get me? Could I get away with not see, or at least, not talking to Carlisle for the remainder of my time in the hospital? Could I ask for another doctor? How long would it take the rest of the Cullen family to show up? And what exactly was a vampire doing working in California, even if it was just nights?

I had so many questions, but I didn't really want any of the answers. Instead, I just focused on what was going on around me and kept as busy as possible.

The afternoon thing with the doctor wasn't as bad as I had thought. The nurse came in at exactly eight-thirty to bring my breakfast and pain medication. She also helped me with changing out of the damn hospital gown and into t-shirt and a pair of my pajama pants. That alone made me feel a lot better. After that I was able to brush my hair and teeth and I was ready for the day. The only thing that could have made me feel any better was the doctor telling me that Carlisle had left for good. Since I knew that wasn't happening, I was just happy to hear that if all went well with Dr. Malone, I would at least get to take a nice hot shower the next day.

Dr. Malone had come in at exactly twelve in the afternoon. I was nervous at first because I wasn't too great with pain. He had me sit up on the side of my bed and help me stretch a bit. All my nervousness seemed to fade away. Even though some of the other stretching and bending hurt a bit, it felt good too. I was actually a bit sad when we finished up.

The rest of the day was quite quiet and I was happy with that. I watched a little TV while eating my lunch and then read for a while afterwards. Luckily none of my things had been too damaged in the accident and also, I was glad that I hadn't brought too much with me. Once the evening started closing in, I got more and more nervous. I knew I was running out of time and I had to do something about what I was going to do when I was released. I knew that no matter how scared I was, I had to call Charlie. Yet, the worst part of the evening meant Carlisle started work and I wondered what the chances were of me sleeping from dinner to when the morning shift arrived.

Just a little after six o'clock, while I was lost in my complete collection of Shakespeare, a tapping on my door caught my attention. I didn't even think twice about looking and I regretted it.

"Good evening, Bella," Carlisle said quietly. He looked as if he was prepared for the worst.

"Good evening, Dr. Cullen," I said, looking back down at my book, pretending to read.

"You look much better today," he said, sounding hopeful as he moved slowly to stand next to my bed.

"Uh, thanks."

The silence was the most awkward I have ever felt. I didn't know how many times I had read the same line without even knowing what it said, but when I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, he looked as if he was about to explode.

"Bella," he started at the same time as I said, "Just spit it out."

"Okay," he took a breath before a look of determination crossed his face and he continued. "Are you refusing to call Charlie?"

"What?" I asked, not quite understanding the direction he was going in.

"Are you not going to call your father?"

"I… I don't know. I mean, yes, I am. Why?" I dropped my book and look at him curiously, but quickly looked away when his eyes met mine. I felt a slight ache in my chest and I couldn't handle the emotion I saw in them.

"Really? Are you going to have him come get you? If not, what are you going to do when you leave this hospital? Do you have money? Do you plan on going to go back to Forks? Any plans at all?"

"What's with the twenty questions? Why does it matter to you where I'm going? Look, I'm sorry for popping back into your peaceful little life. Believe me when I say I had no intentions of it. I just wanted to be as far away from you as I could get. But, unfortunately, my luck sucks. So don't worry about what I'm going to do. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. I was doing it before you all came into my life and I was doing it when you left."

I was a bit breathless once I finished. To show that I was done talking to him, I opened my book back up and stared at the pages, watching as the words blurred together. It was a bit shocking to see him get angry like that. I couldn't think of one time I'd seen him really upset, but he had no right. He had no right standing in front of me acting like he cared.

Did he feel guilty? Did he know that I left Forks to get away from their memory? Did he know that, almost year later, I was just as hurt by them taking off as I was when it happened? A part of me wished he did, but I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to tell him.

I was so irritated by the situation that I was shaking. I didn't realize it until a drop had landed on my wrist. The tears were trailing down my cheeks and it just made me even angrier. So when he spoke his next words, I was so surprised that I had nothing to say. He had me at a complete loss for words.

"Stay with me," he whispered just loud enough that I could barely hear him.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry this is much later than I had wanted. Real life got in the way and it took me a while to find time to sit down in write. Chapter 5 is done and sent to beta and I'm almost done with 6. So the wait shouldn't be as long for the next update.

Thanks to TheUnderStudy for helping me fix this. =)

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**Chapter 4**

I had no idea how long I was frozen in place. Yet, as the seconds ticked by, I couldn't avoid looking at him any longer.

"What?" I asked, not knowing what to think, let alone what to say.

"You can stay with me. Just until you can move around on your own." He looked different. There was a slight hopeful look to his face, but there was also bit of that same determination along with a minor sadness. All of that mixed together was nothing I had never imagined, nor hoped to ever see on his face. His expression was a bit… lost.

I was stunned again for a moment. Until the whole situation played again in my mind and I shook my head and glared at him.

"Seriously? I don't want you to even be my doctor, Carlisle, and you think I will stay with you? You all just packed up and left me. Yet, I'm supposed to happily go running back to you and your family with arms wide open, grateful for your help? I'm not a charity case, Carlisle. I don't need help from a bunch of stupid va-; I don't need you to feel sorry for me, or guilty. Or whatever it is that has you standing here with me right now when your shift hasn't even started yet."

My breathing was heavy again; only this time I was well aware that I was crying and I didn't care. My whole body was shaking with sobs and I just wanted to scream and throw my book at him. A lot of good it would do though. He'd probably just catch it and hand it back to me. The fact that I was both angry and crying and that my plan was failing miserably wasn't lost on me. It only made me angrier with myself. Where was my self-control?

"I don't expect you to be happy, Bella. Surely you must not think that I want things to be this way? I did not want to leave you and neither did the rest of my family. Well, that is an entirely different conversation. In fact, I would rather not be discussing this here, right now. I just want you to know that I do care about you Bella; I always have, whether you believe so or not. I did not want to run into you like this, but it was out of my hands.

"Also, I do not see you as a charity case, not even close. I see you as someone I care very much about and I see that you are in a hard situation. I simply wanted to offer you my help for long as you need it. Now, do I feel guilty? Yes. I couldn't even attempt to deny that. I could never apologize enough."

I just stared at him for a few seconds, or minutes. I couldn't be sure. I had no response. Even my brain was blank for the first time that I could remember. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to tell him I didn't need his help and that I didn't care if he cared about me because he had a horrible way of showing it. I wanted to tell him that all that he had just told me was lies, but the first and only thing that came to my mind was: _He felt guilty?_

Of course, a part me knew he had every right to feel guilty, but another part of me wasn't sure why. Then another part of me was angry because he was probably the only person that could have put a stop to them leaving and he didn't. But even though my brain started working again, my mouth wouldn't and I just stared at him.

"I suppose you have a bit to think about. I really hope you think about all of your options, but my shift starts in fifteen minutes, so I must go."

He smiled softly at me before he walked out of my room, pulling the door closed behind him. I just stared at the back of the door, wondering what the hell had just happened.

The first hour after Carlisle had walked away was the most confusing hour. Once I moved past stunned, I went through angry. The anger passed and moved onto confusion. Confusion soon moved to determination and then I moved back to just being lost. My brain kept screaming at me, telling me the decision should be obvious, that I should just tell him no and to call Charlie and have him take me back to Forks. So why did it feel like the wrong thing to do?

The second hour was the worst, but only because I had to call Charlie. Dr. Malone had come in letting me know that I needed to make the call.

"You are an adult, Isabella. I know it's hard for you to call your father to let him know you made a mistake. Even though you _are_ an adult now, you are still human. We all make mistakes," he said.

_Mistakes… yeah. I've made plenty of them._

So finally I gave in and picked up the phone. It rang four times before Charlie picked up.

"Bella?" he asked right away and I winced at the worry in his voice.

"Yeah, Dad, it's me."

"Oh my… Where the hell have you been? Is your phone shut off? Why the hell have you not been answering my calls? It's been four days, Bella, I've been worried sick," he yelled, while sounding out of breathe. I suddenly worried about him having a heart attack.

"Calm down. I'm okay. Now," I added quietly.

"What do you mean _now_?" he asked in a harsh tone

"Well, I was in an accident, but I'm okay really. I'm in the hospital in South Lake Tahoe. I've been here for about four days I guess."

I was thinking about what I should say next when I realized I suddenly wasn't alone anymore. I looked up to see Carlisle come in and that he was setting something down on the table next to the bed. When he turned and met my eye, he raised his hand in a way that told me to just ignore him. _Like it was that easy…_

"Isabella Swan, are you just now calling me? I… I thought you were dead. Seriously. No phone call, no nothing. I've been checking the news, but I didn't know where you were heading exactly so I didn't find anything. I'd heard something about an accident near there, but there weren't any details. So I just sat back, worrying. I knew you would call me soon to let me know if you were okay or not. Or at least someone would call me and let me know. But, you didn't. Apparently you like the idea of you father sitting at home alone wondering if his only daughter was still alive or not."

I knew his reaction would be bad, but I misjudged how I would handle it. Apparently, my body had no problem with me being a cry baby.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and whipped the tears away.

"Oh, Bells. I didn't mean to yell at you, but you just… You have no idea how scared I was. When did it happen?"

I let out a deep breath before I answered, knowing I would hear his own version of an 'I told you so.'

"Well, after we had talked on the phone, you mentioned me getting some sleep. So I pulled over to a rest stop and slept a few hours. When I woke up, I felt even more tired, but it was too late to stay there. I started driving again, but I only got more tired as I drove. There wasn't even a place to pull over on the side of the road. There weren't any gas stations, or anything. So, I couldn't get coffee and I started dozing off. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital. I was apparently unconscious for two days afterwards. And I was just too scared to call you and let you know that I screwed up."

He laughed a little. "Bells, you were scared to tell me you got into an accident? But you let me sit here… Never mind. I'm just so very relieved to hear that you are okay. Your mother will be happy to hear that too."

"You called Mom?" I squeaked, horrified. I wouldn't be surprised if she was on her way to Forks the very minute she heard the news.

"Of course, she is your mother. I had to call her to see if maybe you had called her. She wanted to fly out here the moment I got off the phone with her, but I told her that wouldn't be a very good idea. Just in case by some chance you were heading there, or did try to call her. I don't know. Maybe it was even because I couldn't handle worrying about you and dealing with her while she was worrying about you."

I laughed at the thought of her driving him crazy. "I'm really, really sorry, Dad. I won't do anything like that again."

"It's alright and you better not. You can come to me for anything, Bells. I know we've never been that close, but you're my little girl and I have never been so worried about losing you as much as I have this past year. This was honestly the most I could take. However, now that I know your okay, I'll be okay." He paused for a minute before asking the question I didn't really have an answer for. "So, what are you going to do? How long until you get out of the hospital?"

"Well," I started and then sighed. Carlisle was still in the room, writing something down on his clipboard. I honestly didn't think he really needed to be in the room, but he didn't seem like he was moving anytime soon. "The injuries weren't too bad, so I can leave tomorrow. I'll be in a wheelchair for a while though, so that sucks."

"Do you need me to come and get you?" he asked

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "No." _No?_

"No? Well what are you going to do? I can call the station and tell them I will be out for a few days. It's no problem."

"It's fine, I...," _Was this really what I wanted to do?_ "I have a place to stay here. At least until I get out of the wheel chair."

"And exactly where is this place you plan on staying?" he asked seriously, turning to cop-father mode.

"Well, uh, one of the doctors here offered me a room. He said that I was able to use it for as long as I needed it. I don't want you to come rushing down and honestly I'm not quite ready to end my trip. I was starting to really enjoy it before I ran off the damn road."

"Bells," he groaned. "I'm not so sure that is a good idea. It's really no problem for me to come and get you."

"I know." _It's not too late to back out… _"Really, it's fine. He works so much that I'm sure I'd barely see him. I'll probably just spend the time sleeping to speed the time up. Maybe I'll get a job once I'm healed more so I can save up for a new car. Maybe then I'll head back home, but I feel like I really need to be on my own, Dad. I really appreciate you willing to come down here, but it's not necessary."

"You're positive?" He asked and I knew he didn't want to give up on it.

"Yes… I am." _I think I've really lost my mind,_ I thought to myself as I glanced at Carlisle who had a small smile on his face. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, but you are still going to call me every day," he said and I knew there was no arguing. Not that I would.

"Definitely."

"Alright, you get some rest and you better be careful."

"I will do my best," I said with a laugh.

"Love you, Bells."

"Love you too, Dad."

I was smiling when I hung the phone up, until I turned to see Carlisle smiling at me in return. My smile faded as I glared at him.

"I'm not doing this because of you, just to let you know. I'm doing this for me. Going back now would defeat the whole purpose of me leaving to being with. Even if I am going with _you_."

His expression shifted into confusion for a moment, but then slide back into a smile as he turned to walk towards the door.

"I completely understand," he said as he turned back around and then added, "I'll be here to pick up tomorrow evening. There is a room is already ready for you."

"You…" I didn't finish and his smile grew before he turned back and disappeared into the hallway. I just groaned a little as I lay down and turned my back to him. "Damn know-it-all," I mumbled, knowing good and well he had heard me.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: My goal was to have this up over the weekend, but due to site issues, I couldn't. Thanks to TheUnderStudy of course for her help with this mess of a chapter. Sorry if I didn't reply to all of your reviews. I read and love every single one, I just kind of fail when it comes to replying.

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**Chapter 5**

I felt strangely lighter after making the decision for what would happen once I left the hospital. For one, I hadn't realized that not thinking about it was worrying me that much. For another, I had thought I would have felt worse given the decision I had made. I didn't care to look into the meaning. I didn't care to think about why I had made the decision to begin with. I didn't really care about anything except for finally getting out of that damn hospital bed, even if it meant being confined to a wheelchair.

I sighed as I rose into a sitting position. I shoved my book into the black duffel bag that was sitting at the foot of the bed. The sun was setting and the glow and warmth that filled my small room was starting to fade. It was almost time and the thought alone had my stomach twisting and turning. That alone had me wanting to throw up several times. I had less than an hour before Carlisle would arrive to take me to his house.

His house… Knowing the Cullens, it probably didn't look much like a house, but more like a small mansion. It would be filled with more rooms than probably necessary, surrounded by more cars than I could probably imagine. It would also, probably, make me want to puke even more once I saw it. It was all very overwhelming and I didn't want to think about what else would be waiting inside. Or who.

_Thirty minutes… _I told myself and then groaned. My head bent over in my hands as I rubbed my eyes roughly. As if it would help make everything go away. I was interrupted from my thoughts of ways to avoid the inevitable when a quiet tapping on the door echoed throughout the room.

"Hello Isabella," the nurse from a few days before said as she came in. But for the life of me, I couldn't remember her name.

"Hi," I mumbled with a sigh.

"Are you happy about leaving?" She asked with a grin as she added a fresh stack of blankets to the cabinets across from me.

"Yes and no," I admitted.

"Really? I'm sure I can imagine the reason behind the yes, but why the no?"

"Long story short; I'm an idiot." _That really did seem to sum it all up,_ I thought to myself as I shook my head.

"Ah, I see. You seem to have a problem with Dr. Cullen, yet you accepted his invitation. Something tells me that you two have met before here." She smiled sweetly as she dumped a handful of paper cups and other garbage from earlier that afternoon into the trash.

"Yeah, we have. It was-"

"You don't have to tell me dear," she said, smiling again. "He cares for you, that much is obvious. The way he watched over you… Well, that was my first clue. I've never seen a doctor pay as much attention to a patient the way he did with you." She shrugged and was silent a moment before continuing. "I will just say that I'm sure everything will go fine and I hope for the best for you. You looked like you had gone through hell when you came in here, apart from the accident anyways. I hate to see such a sweet girl go through so much."

I was a bit shocked by her words to be honest. I hadn't really said much to her. She always just seemed to be around. She was apparently very observant.

"Thank you," I whispered and offered her a smile. She returned with a light pat on the shoulder as she walked towards the door. _Now I wish I had remembered her name. I think it was something like Amelia or Amanda, though I was sure those were both wrong._

I was so distracted by her words that I hadn't even noticed that it was exactly seven thirty. I knew there was no use in hoping that the figure that had walked into my room could have been the nurse returning.

I took a deep breath and released it, but still wasn't ready to look up at him.

"Are you ready, Bella?" he asked softly and quietly as if he was afraid of disturbing me. _Too late,_ I thought and let out a sigh.

"Sure."

"Is this your only bag?" he asked as he pointed to the bad on the bed.

"There's one more over by the bathroom door," I told him.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as he walked over to pick it up along with the one from the bed and headed towards the door again.

"I'm going to take these out to the car and I'll be back to help you into your chair."

"Great."

I let out another deep sigh as I ran my hands through my hair. I glanced around the room, thankful to be leaving it. It was small and cramped and I knew if I had spent anymore time in it, there was a chance I could go crazy. I closed my eyes and wished I could be back in my truck feeling the cool evening breeze blowing through my hairs as I drove down the road. But I knew it was impossible for too many reasons and it only made me angry to think about it.

"Alright, are you ready?" Carlisle asked as he moved back into the room.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I replied.

He gave me a small smile as he walked over to the other side of the bed and pulled the wheelchair around to the side I was sitting on. He glanced at the door then back as me as he tucked his hands under my arms and lifted me easily off the bed and into the chair. It was the first time he had really touched me since I had first been reunited with him and I was startled by the feel of his cold hands under my arms. But what surprised me the most, was the shock of electricity that shot through my body until his hands left me and I was seated nicely in the chair.

I was frozen for a moment, curious as to what it was. I wasn't sure if vampires were like humans when you felt that slight shock when you were touched sometimes. However, I refused to let my mind wander further to what it reminded me of.

"Thanks," I mumbled, staring down at my hands folded on my lap.

"Of course," he said quickly and I wondered if he had felt it too, or if was only my imagination. I wondered if he could even feel anything like that and I remembered Edward saying he had felt something similar at one time. _Don't go there…_ I thought to myself.

It didn't quite hurt to think his name and that alone was a little strange to me, but I didn't spend any time thinking about it. I didn't want to push my luck. A name turned into memories and maybe at that moment I was distracted enough to handle just the simple name, but I knew for sure a rush of memories would have me turning into a mess quickly. _Just don't… think._

"Well that's it," he said as he started pushing me towards the door.

I couldn't deny the wave of excitement I felt to finally be leaving the hospital. It was almost enough for me to forget what I was leaving it for. Eventually, more specifically when I saw his car, nervousness took over and I felt that familiar feeling of nausea creep up.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Carlisle asked as he stopped near the passenger door. It took me a moment to realize that the pounding in my head was actually my heart and he could very easily hear it.

"Wonderful," I choked, failing at my attempt to sound calm.

When I peaked up through my hair to catch a glimpse of his expression, I quickly looked back down. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but hell, why should I care? It was all obviously more than I could handle. I couldn't decide if I was still mad or guilty. I had no idea why I felt guilty; I had every right to be angry, uncomfortable, and maybe even a bit pathetic for having to stay with the very family that turned me away.

It took me a minute to realize that we were both motionless and silent before I cleared my throat and looked up at him expectantly.

"I can't move myself," I told him, trying to sound like I didn't completely hate having to have the help I needed.

"Yes, of course," he said, opening the door and positioning the wheelchair so I was facing the seat.

I wasn't prepared for the second shock as he slid a hand under my thighs and one around my shoulders, but I gasped when I felt it. When he didn't ask me if I was alright, I realized that he must have felt it too. He sat me gently into the seat and then moved the chair as he closed the door. I watched as he folded the chair and placed it into the trunk and for a moment I wished I was that chair. The trunk was quiet, dark and most importantly, I wouldn't be stuck in the front seat full of awkward tension.

The ride too his house was silent of course. I didn't think it would have been any different really. But I was glad he didn't try to fill it with a pointless conversation. I just rested my head against the cool glass of the window and let my eyes fall closed. I thought back to a time before Forks. A time before the Cullens and the knowledge of vampires and focused on time when things were far less complicated. The memory that popped up was one where I was twelve and Renee had just begged me to go to kick boxing lessons with her.

She swore it would be fun and a good bonding experience for us. I wasn't too hopeful on the fun part, but I loved to see my mother happy. I was nervous when had first entered the building, but as we prepared ourselves as we were told to do and I watched the other people in the room, I was beginning to get excited for it. That was before I fell flat on my face.

I had never been the most coordinated person. Gravity in general just seemed like it was out to get me. I wasn't sure why I lied myself into thinking I could do something that was so simple for other people, yet far from simple for me, but I was one of the first moves and I didn't realize my pants were as long as they were. When I stepped forward to kick up, my shoe was caught on the bottom hem and I slipped, somehow twisting, landing directly onto my face.

There was blood everywhere from smashing my nose on the wooden floor and my wrist was twisted awkwardly under my chest. I was beyond embarrassed and even though I swore I was fine, just a little sore and bloody, I begged Renee to take me home. She did, but first there was a trip to the Emergency Room and I ended up going home with a brace on my wrist and a thick piece of tape on my nose.

Before I realized it, I was laughing softly at the memory. The sound filled the car and I stopped, but was still smiling until I felt Carlisle's eyes on me. I turned my head back towards the window with my hand over my mouth, hoping he wouldn't ask. It was those days that I missed with the simple injuries from Renee's crazy adventures. The days where the only worry I had was about what task she would get me into next. I never really complained though, except after the trip to the hospital, but it never stopped me from agreeing to the next idea.

Moving to Forks only brought on worries of a different kind. I still worried about my injuries, but more so my life. The most important thing was something I never thought I had to worry about and that was my heart. I never felt the need to have it guarded. I never thought I would let someone in and fill me with love so completely, but once I did, I never thought I'd lose it. He brought to me a sense of security with that love and also a family. Not just any family, but the type I had only ever seen in books or movies. A part of me, even if I had never really made a conscious thought of it, yearned to be a part of that loving family and not just because of Edward. So when that was all gone within the second it took him to walk away from me, I didn't have a heart to hold onto anymore. My heart had split into seven pieces and they each took one when they left.

They say time heals all wounds, but I didn't quite know what to think about that. Maybe the wounds were healing and what I was feeling was the scar taking its place. It didn't feel like a gaping hole in my chest when I thought about them anymore, but more like a sting, a reminder that they hurt me. It was a reminder that I shouldn't let them forget that. When I first saw Carlisle, a part of me just wanted him to hold me and make all of it go away; that I should accept the apology and move on. But somewhere along the course of time that they had been gone, I had started to become stronger.

People also say that "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". It could be true, but I wasn't sure. The Cullens leaving did almost kill me, in a way, and I did feel stronger. Yet, how long could that strength really last?

Suddenly the car had stopped and I was pulled out of my thoughts. When I glanced ahead of me through the windshield, my eyes widened as I sucked in a breath. I expected their house to be huge, beautiful as it always was, but the sight of it was still a shock. It looked like a large cottage made of a dark wood. Snow surrounded the house and a few lights that were on inside caused it to glow beautifully. I was momentarily distracted by how empty it looked. There were no other cars, unless they were hidden in the two car garage. There were no heads poking through the windows, no bodies flying through the doors, and I was instantly curious. But before I could ask, he already had an answer.

"It's just us," he said as he climbed out of the car.

Before I could even form a response, I was hit with a gust of cool air as he opened the door and lifted me out.

"As I said before, there is a room ready for you. It's downstairs, so you can move yourself around if you need to while I am at work. I am serious when I say this, Bella, if you need anything at all, please to not hesitate to ask. That is the whole purpose for you being here."

I twisted my head to look behind him and his expression was serious, yet kind as always. I just smiled slightly and nodded my head as I turned forward again. Once we were inside, the house looked even larger. The living room ceiling was high with a chandelier hanging down in the middle with tiny glass balls that hung all around it. A dim light coming from the center lit up each piece of glass, causing the tops of the light colored walls to sparkle a little.

He pushed me further in the direction of a hallway, telling me that I was more than welcome to spend my time anywhere in the house. As we reached a staircase that led upstairs, there was a doorway that I realized led to the kitchen. He led me there next. It was large with tan colored walls, unlike the wooden ones in the living room. The floor was a dark, glossy wood and for a moment I worried that the wheelchair would scratch it, but I shook my head at the thought.

When he led us out of the kitchen, we moved down the hallway and it dead-ended into two other doors. I realized that this was the downstairs bedroom and as we moved inside, I felt a warm touch instantly on my skin. I curiously looked around and to my left there was a lit fire place in the far corner, providing the only light to the large space. It added a very comfortable feel to the room and I smiled a little before I stopped myself. I didn't want to seem like I was happy to be there. I didn't want to be happy to be there.

As I spotted the bed, I yawned a little. I wasn't sure if it was because I was actually tired, or if it was because it was soft bed and not the one at the hospital

"This is your room. Does everything look okay?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah. It's just fine," I said quietly.

"Would you like something to eat? I was able to pick up some things this morning after my shift this, so there are a few things to choose from. The next chance I get to do more shopping, you'll have to let me know what you like so I can have it stocked better for you."

"Oh, that's fine. I'm not too picky," I said as I looked longingly at the bed as he pushed me closer to it.

"Alright. Are you hungry?"

I turned to answer him, but felt the words die just before they left my lips. There was a glow from the fire as it flickered across the room and the way it shown against his skin made him look impossibly more beautiful than I had ever seen. The bright orange flames reflected in his golden eyes as he looked down at me. It felt like time had froze and I couldn't remember anything that had been said. I realized after a moment that I had even stopped breathing and choked a little once I finally opened my mouth to let air in. The action snapped me out of the distraction.

"Huh?" I asked lamely as he smiled at me.

"I asked if you were hungry," he said softly.

"I-I guess." I looked away from him; I couldn't focus as long as I could see him. _What the hell was _that_?_ I asked myself.

"Okay," he said and he started to walk away before stopping. "Would you prefer to sit somewhere else? I can't imagine that chair being very comfortable."

Once he mentioned it, my back was feeling pretty stiff and I glanced around the room for a better spot.

"The chair by the fire would be nice," I said, still refusing to look at him. "Do you think you could bring my bags in too? Reading sounds kind of nice too, actually."

He wheeled me over and even though I almost expected the shock, it was still strange and I shivered a bit once I was seated in the chair. He brought over a footstool from the other side of the wall, propped my injured leg on it, and I curled the other underneath me. I sighed as I slowly relaxed.

"Alright, I will be back in just a minute," he said as he walked away. I looked up, just as he faded from the doorway and into the darkness of the hallway.

Confusion filled me as wondered what the meaning behind my crazy emotions meant. It was a question I found myself thinking about often since the return of Carlisle into my life. I still had no answers, especially since they were changing so dramatically. With another sigh, I looked down at my leg as it rested against the soft cushioning of the stool.

"You better heal quickly," I mumbled to it as I shifted a little to get more comfortable. I was sure that the sooner it healed, the sooner I could leave and be rid of this mess that I could feel myself already entering.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I was hoping the posting would be fixed by now, but unfortunately, it hasn't. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. Thanks to TheUnderStudy of course for her awesome betaing. =)

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**Chapter 6**

I opened my eyes to a bright light filling the room. I was bit confused for a moment and wondered where I was, but it didn't take long for the reality of the situation to hit me. I groaned as I turned my face to the ceiling. Though the bed was a lot more comfortable then what I had been using at the hospital the past few days, it was still a little awkward because my leg had limited my sleeping positions.

As my eyes adjusted, I glanced around the room to get a better look. The walls were a dark cream color, with a single landscape painting hanging on the wall to my right. Below it was a large wooden dresser that sat against the wall between two doors with a single plant on the top of it. To my left was two, tall windows with thick, navy blue curtains. They were just barely parted in the middle to let the sun shine in. Between the two windows were a few shelves that were built into the wall with only a few books standing on them.

In front of me was the stone fireplace. It took up most of the center of the wall with two more windows with the curtains pulled closed on each side. There were two large matching chairs in front of it, facing each other with a small glass table in between them. That was probably already my favorite spot of the room. I remembered how I had sunk into one the night before and relaxed for the first time since the accident.

The room was pretty empty aside from my bags that were placed in front of what I assumed was the closet door. Beside them was my wheelchair. I groaned again as I closed my eyes and brought the blanket up towards my face. I had no idea what time it was, but I just wanted to go back to sleep. But of course, that was not an option. There was a light taping on the bedroom door not two minutes after I had closed my eyes again.

"Yeah?" I asked, my voice cracking from sleep.

"Good morning," Carlisle said as he slowly pushed the door open. I pulled the blankets back to glare at him. I was just about to say something about it feeling the opposite before he continued talking. "I made some coffee for you, but if you would prefer something else, I can see what other options you have."

"Thanks," I mumbled, as I looked away from him.

"Would you like some breakfast? There are eggs, bacon and bread. I can make some French toast if you would like some."

Why did he have to be so damned polite when all I wanted to do was be angry with him? I sighed as my stomach growled and admitted to myself that bacon and eggs really did sound wonderful.

"Sure. That would be… nice."

He smiled as he looked around for a moment as if he was thinking something over. "Would you like to come out and eat at the table or would you prefer to stay in here?"

"I'll eat in here if that's okay. I'm not ready to be back in the chair just yet."

"That's fine. I'll go get your food started, but I'll bring your coffee in now. How do you like it?"

After I explained the amount of sugar and milk I wanted in my coffee, he left me to my comfortable silence as I laid back and thought about the things I could do. It was all very limited and I hated it. I was curious about the weather and my options for leaving the house, but then remembered that no matter what I did, I would need Carlisle's help. I suddenly began asking myself why I made the decision to come here instead of going back to Forks again. I still couldn't find a real answer.

Once I had finished my amazingly delicious breakfast, I set the tray that he had placed the food on to the side of the large bed and leaned against the headboard. The sun was out and bright, so that meant I was stuck with him all day unless he left to hunt. Judging by the brightness of his golden eyes, I was pretty sure that he wasn't in need of doing that any time soon.

The thought of his eyes took me back to the fire from the night before. The intense look in his eyes, how they focused on me and the way I couldn't move or breathe. He was always beautiful to me; his whole family was. It was in their nature to be that way. But somehow, in that moment, I'd never seen anything that had come even close to the image that was now burned into my memory. Admitting that, even just to myself, felt slightly strange.

I was so lost in thoughts of that moment that when he knocked on the door that was barely cracked open, it caused me jerk back a little. He tried to hide his amusement, but it didn't work.

"How was the food?" he asked. He looked slightly nervous. For a moment, I wasn't sure why, but then I remembered the food. Sure, he probably cooked a lot in all his spare time, but how often did he actually have someone to feed it too?

"It was great actually. Thank you," I said giving him a small smile. It was the least I could do since he cooked for me. No matter the reason behind him doing it, it was great after the hospital food and the sandwich from the night before.

He smiled again, but that time it was brighter. It lit up his whole face and his eyes practically glowed as he moved closer to me to collect the tray with the empty pate. While I watched him, I found myself suddenly questioning why I was angry with him to begin with. And then I remembered all the pain I was in because he and his family had left me behind. I cleared my throat and along with it, my mind as I looked away, frowning down at my hands.

"Is there anything you'd like to do today?" he asked after a moment. I glanced up to see his smile gone and I sighed with quilt. _What the hell was I doing?_

I thought over what I wanted and one thing came to mind: a shower. But suddenly that seemed more complicated as I looked back down at my leg. I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to take one and I was pretty sure I couldn't do it alone. I felt my face heat as I thought about him helping me and almost instantly shoved the idea of a shower away. Even if I really felt that I needed one.

"What is it?" he asked while setting the tray back down on the bed and sitting on the edge. I sighed again before speaking.

"What I really want is a shower. How possible is that? Alone, I mean," I said, not looking up at him.

"Pretty possible, Bella," he said with a small chuckle. I looked up at him with my eyes narrowed. _What did he find so funny about this?_ "The bathroom right across from your door has a rather large walk in shower. There is also a chair that you can use. " He paused for a moment before continuing. "I can carry you in and set you down on the toilet seat and turn the water on for you. You can get yourself ready and since the toilet is close to it, I'm sure you can use your good leg to get you into the chair. But you must leave your injured leg sticking out of the door. I don't see any problems with that, unless you'd rather me carry you into the shower?" he added with a small smile.

My eyes went wide. "Uh no," I mumbled as I felt myself blush again. I looked down for a moment and realized he left something out. "What about when I'm finished?"

"Well, you may have to just wrap yourself in a towel until I can get you in here."

"Oh," I said quietly.

"If it would make you more comfortable, I can keep my eyes closed. I can function pretty easily without needing to see what I'm doing."

I felt a little childish at the thought of making him close his eyes while I only had a towel wrapped around me. It wasn't like there was anything more to him just helping me to my room.

"No, that's fine." I took a deep breath and let it out loudly as I thought it over. _Well, it's either this way, or wait a few weeks. _I cringed at the idea and decided that letting him help me was my only option. "Alright, let's do this."

He brought me the duffel bag with all my clothes in it as he took the tray out to the kitchen. I picked out what I wanted to wear and left them sitting on the edge of the bed. He came back after a few minutes with a large towel in his hands and he stopped in the doorway. I scooted myself onto the edge of the bed and look up at him as he walked back over towards me. The shock was still there as he gently picked me up and cradled me to his chest as he walked towards the bathroom.

All I could do was focus on what I would need to do and just hoped that while I made my way into the shower I didn't find a way to slip and need more help. He set me down on the toilet seat and hung the towel on the rack nearest to the shower. He turned the water on and after checking the temperate he looked back at me and I nodded to him that I was ready to get it over with. He smiled at me before he left the bathroom, closing the door. He did say if I needed anything to just call for him.

I started taking my clothes off and placing them on the counter next to me. Once I was ready to get in, the distance between the shower and the toilet seemed to grow. I took a deep breath before pushing myself off the seat and hopped on my good leg while keeping my hand on the wall. When I was finally in reach of the seat, I twisted myself and plopped down easily in the seat and instantly relaxed as the warm water fell against me, even if it stung some of the cuts I still had on my skin.

Once I pulled the door closed a little with my leg sticking out just enough to not get the brace wet, I turned to see three bottles on a little shelf in front of me with a wash cloth. Somehow he had thought to get me a shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. I smiled a little as I noticed them and continued with my shower.

I took my time, thoroughly enjoying the warm water until it started to run cold. At that point, I twisted a little and realized that I was able to reach the handles enough to turn them off. Once the water stopped, I reached over to grab the towel and started drying myself. I started wondering if there were any chances of me getting out myself and just hopping to my room. However, the images of me attempting it, but falling and losing my towel along the way ran through my mind. I decided it against it quickly.

After a few moments of clearing my mind and securing the towel tightly around myself, I decided to call for him, but he was already at the door knocking.

"Are you finished?" he asked through the door.

"Uh, yeah." I could already feel my cheeks redden at the thought of him entering. As he pushed the door open, he looked only at my eyes and it made me feel a little better.

"Are you ready?" he asked as he stopped a few inches away from me.

"Yep."

He reached down, scooped me up, and made his way quickly to the bedroom. He sat me down on the bed.

"Is there anything you need?"

"No, that should do it. Thanks."

"It's no problem at all, Bella. I told you I am more than happy to help you in any way you need." He smiled again before walking out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Once I was dressed, I sat there staring at the wall while I towel dried my hair. I was thinking about his help and how, even though I didn't want it, he was so willing to do it; whatever his reasoning may have been. I wondered for a moment if he had really thought it through before offering to let me stay. Even though a part of me really was grateful for his constant kindness, I felt my own guilt for being a burden. A rude one at that.

I tossed the towel to the edge of the bed and even if I hated to be stuck in it, I was ready to get into my chair and get out of the room for a while.

"Carlisle?" I called out.

"Yes, Bella?" he asked outside of the door.

"Can you help me into my chair?"

"Of course," he said as he pushed the door open. "Let me go hang this up." He grabbed the towel and disappeared before repapering in front of me. I blinked several times at his quickness, but then focused on the chair as he moved it closer to me. He stopped about a foot away from my feet before he moved to help pick me up.

"I think I can do it," I said as I pushed myself up, with my injured leg sticking out a little. I turned around and slowly backed myself into the chair, landing a little harder than I had planned. I winced slightly as a mild shot of pain went through my back.

"Are you alright?" he asked, sounding a little worried as he moved in front of me to look at me.

"Yeah, my back is still a little sore I guess. I'm not used to moving so much." I shrugged, but still didn't look directly at him.

"Maybe next time I should help you drop slower." I glanced at him just enough to see his smile and just nodded a little before looking back down. "I just don't want you to cause yourself unnecessary pain if I'm standing right here," he added softly.

"I know. How long do you think it will be before I can use crutches? I noticed I can use my right leg just fine as long as I put no pressure on the left. "

"Dr. Malone said it could be a little while before you can use them, but I can monitor your movement to see for myself how well you will be able to move with them. I think it may be sooner than planned. There was no pain while getting into the shower?"

"No. As long as I don't put pressure on it, it's fine. I don't want to take up all your time by having you help me so much. If I have crutches, I'll be able move myself around easier and you don't have to be there for every movement," I said quietly. I really didn't want him helping me just because he felt he had too. I didn't want him to pity me for the situation I ended up in.

"Bella," he said as he sat down on the bed in front of me. I kept my eyes on my hands as I felt his eyes on me. "I told you, I don't mind helping you at all. That is why I invited you here. I like helping you."

"You don't need to feel guilty, Carlisle. I don't want you to feel like you have to help me."

"That's not why I am helping you. I told you that before. I really do care about you. I wish you could believe me when I say that. But I also understand why you can't. I hope in time you will learn that you can always trust me. I may not have shown that with a certain event in the past, but sometimes we don't always make the best choices. We go against what we want to hopefully help better the situation for others.

"I admit that I don't know everything that happened after we left for Alaska, or why things turned out the way they did. I wish I had been better informed and had more time to think before we all acted. We are all dealing with the outcomes of those actions and though they are not easy, I have faith that everything will be okay for everyone in the end."

His voice was soft and when he stopped speaking, I looked up into his eyes and saw a pain that I had never noticed before. _What happened after they left? _ I fought the sudden urge to reach for his hand to comfort him; I wasn't sure what to do or if he would be okay with that.

"Carlisle… Where is everyone anyways?" I asked in barely a whisper. I was dreading the answer to the question, but I had put it off long enough.

"They are not here, Bella. Some of them are in Alaska still, some are traveling. They go back and forth, but none of them seem to be in the same place at the same time anymore." He looked down with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands folded in between.

"You're here alone?" Was the only thing I could think to ask, though I was sure he made that obvious.

"Yes."

"Why?" Suddenly, I was almost positive I knew of the answer.

"Things are… complicated," he whispered.

"How so?" Even though I could tell he really didn't want to talk about it, but a something inside of me needed the answers.

He sighed as he sat up straight and looked just passed me towards the door.

"Esme and I separated and the family is trying to find a way of dealing with it."

I couldn't hold back the gasp as it passed through my lips. _They split up? _"Why?"

He took a minute before replying and looked at me for a moment. "Sometime people change, Bella."

I wanted to ask what he meant, but I knew that I wasn't going to get anymore information from him on that topic. At least not right then. I understood that I had no place to really ask for the details. Especially with how I had been treating him since I realized he was my doctor. But then another thought drifted into my mind.

"So, what are you doing here anyways?"

"Alice had a vision," he said with an apologetic smile. "She said that you would need me. That was just about all of the information she gave me other than when to leave and the weather forecast."

I nodded my head as I thought over the meaning. I knew that was just how Alice was. She would tell you what she thought you needed to know, depending on the outcome of her visions. And no matter how irritating it could be, it was hard to fault her for it really. I couldn't imagine having all that information coming at you whether you liked it or not and not having the slightest idea on what to do with it half the time.

"So, you're only here for me?" I asked as my brain took on another trail of thought. He only nodded. "How long?" I tried to keep all emotion out of my voice because I wasn't sure how I was feeling and I didn't want my tone to betray me like it always seemed to do.

"I don't know," he said quietly as he looked back down at his hands again.

In that moment, I felt a mixture of things that made me want to scream, then cry and yell while throwing things all at once, but I did my best to hold it all in.

He was there, but he was going to leave me again. He regretted leaving, but that was probably just because he didn't say anything before he did. I supposed that I could only hope he would at least say goodbye before he was gone again. As I thought it over, I felt an old familiar pain return to my chest, but I ignored it the best I could and just stared at the deep blue and black pattern of the comforter on my bed.

Soon I would be all alone again and I wasn't too hopeful for a chance of recovering.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I just wanted to say that I love every single of my readers and the reviews you all leave. I'm horrible at replying and I'm sorry for that. With the recent problems here, I don't get the notices for a few days, but I check here and see them and they always make me smile to see how much you all are enjoying reading this.

I'm really looking forward to hearing what you think of this chapter. =)

Thanks to TheUnderStudy for all her help, not only for beta'ing this, but listening to me freak out over ideas. She was a major help for this chapter and the next.

That is all.

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**Chapter 7**

That day had passed slowly. The conversation with Carlisle had set a very depressing mood for it and I had changed my mind on wanting to leave the room. He had asked if I was alright, but I could only nod. I wasn't sure if I was, or why I felt so bad at knowing he wasn't staying. Shouldn't I have known that before? Or was there some place in the back of my mind that held more hope than I was really aware of? Regardless, I figured the best way for a decent outcome, one in which I didn't end up a puddle on the forest floor again, was to distance myself before I got too attached.

That day faded into the next and he checked on me often. He brought me food and I ate it and I thanked him, but that was about it for conversation. He tried to speak more, but I just told him I didn't feel well, or that I was tired. I tried to think of more reasons so he wouldn't think I needed to go back to the hospital, but I came up blank. I had lost track of days and when he was at work, I let the emotions take over, knowing that there wasn't a chance at him overhearing.

I was sad, angry, hurt, and confused. While a part of me wished I had never left Forks, another part of me wanted to be glad that I did. At least now I had seen one of the Cullen family members again. But at what cost? I had no answer; no words could explain the chaos in my mind.

One morning, I awoke to something hard and cold pressed against my face. I jerked awake as my eyes flew open and landed on Carlisle sitting on the edge of my bed.

"What the hell?" I yelled as I propped myself on one elbow as I rubbed my eyes with my free hand.

"It's getting close to the afternoon, I figured you would like to wake up," he said, his voice flat.

"I would like to have stayed asleep," I grumbled as I laid back again, staring at my favorite spot on the ceiling.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked, his tone showing the slightest bit of worry.

"I'm fine besides feeling a little irritated."

"I didn't mean to bother you, but I've been a bit worried."

"I'm alright."

He was quiet for a moment and I dropped my eyes to his face to see him staring at me as if he was deep in thought.

"Would you like to have Charlie come and get you?" he finally asked.

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"You are obviously unhappy here. I don't know why I convinced myself you would be otherwise," he shook his head as he turned to look out of the window. "I do not wish to keep you here if you would rather be back at home with your father."

"You aren't keeping me here. I made a conscious decision to come here." _Well… sort of._

"Okay… maybe so. But if you would like to leave now, I wouldn't try to convince you otherwise."

_Did he want me to leave? Was he finally tired of trying and getting no response from me? What else did I expect… he was giving me an out, so what was I going to do?_

"I'm sorry," I whispered, dropping my eyes to my hands folded on my chest. _That was not what I had in mind…_ I thought before shaking my confusing thoughts away. "I didn't mean to make things harder on you. Helping me can't be easy as it is."

"Helping you was never a problem. Seeing you so unhappy that you lock yourself into your room is a problem, Bella. I didn't expect you to be _excited_ to be here, but I had hoped that I could at least make you comfortable during your stay. Somewhere I failed in that attempt."

"Carlisle…" I paused for moment, once again not sure of what to say, but I didn't want him to feel like a failure for not being to fix something that I didn't even know how to fix on my own. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked finally, looking up. His eyes widened as they stared into mine.

"No. Not at all."

"Then I don't want to leave."

"You don't?"

"No. I am sorry that I'm not happy, but I just don't know how to feel. I was upset, really upset, for you all leaving me, but somewhere in my mind, I had pictured you all still living the perfect family life while I was miserable. I would have never imagined that I was very wrong in those thoughts. I'm sorry that the decision for leaving me caused a fight between you and Esme. I'm sorry that in moving away, your family was torn apart. I feel bad for it, but a tiny part of me is a little glad that you aren't as perfect I had pictured you all to be. I'm not sure how to feel about anything and that scares me." _I took a deep breath before I began speaking again._

"I don't mean to make you feel bad. You're trying to help me, which is more than I can say for the rest of your family. I just… I… don't know." I stopped my rambling and tore my eyes away from him as I looked back down at my hands.

I was caught off guard when I saw his cold hand slowly move to hold my own. I glanced back at him and he had a soft, understanding smile on his face. The shock was still there and it sent chills down my spine. I couldn't take my eyes away from his beautiful golden ones and for the first time since I could remember, I felt that things would work out.

Nothing else was said on that matter and for that I was glad. That day I spent the afternoon curled up on the couch in living room reading my book while he was up in his study going over paperwork for the hospital. It was a comfortable silence that filled the house and I was actually enjoying myself. The afternoon faded into the evening and he made me dinner as usual, but this time I sat at the table in the kitchen to eat it. He never tried to start a conversation and we just smiled a little when our eyes met.

The rest of the week was much of the same and there was never any awkwardness. When he came home from work, he would ask me how my day was and after my reply, I'd ask him the same. Our answers would be short, but easy. We would spend our days alone, me in either the living room or my room while I read or watched TV and he in his study doing whatever it was that he did. The days passed by quickly and before I knew it, it was the weekend.

I was sitting on the couch in the early morning, just after finishing breakfast, lost in thought as I stared out the window when I saw Carlisle enter the living room from the corner of my eye. I turned to look at him and could tell that he had something he wanted to say, but was silent until he was sitting in the chair across from me.

"I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me today," he said in a rush.

"Like what?" I asked, a little unsure of what he could want.

"Well, I figured you'd want to get out of the house for a while. The weather is nice today, so I was just curious if you wanted to go for a walk with me."

"Can you, you know, go out there?" I asked, hesitant. I didn't know if it was rude to ask a vampire if it was really okay from them to go out sparkling in the bright sun.

"Yes," he replied with a smile. "The area is very secluded and there is a path just off to the side of the house that I am pretty sure your wheelchair can handle."

"Um," I started, but paused as I thought it over. Getting out of the house really did sound like a wonderful idea… "Alright."

"Great!" he said happily as he rose from the couch. "You may want to use a blanket and heavier jacket."

"Okay," I said and with that, he rose from the couch and went off to grab my jacket for me. After I put it on, he handed me a blanket. I really didn't think it was necessary until we made our way out of the front door at was hit with a gust of freezing air.

Carlisle laughed at my reaction as I pulled the blanket tightly over my legs and buried my hands underneath. I just looked up and glared at him. The walk was quiet as he led me to the trail and we moved deeper into the forest. The way the bright rays of sun shown down on the snow covered trees was beautiful. The scent of the air was crisp and clean and I closed my eyes for a moment to absorb it all.

We kept going in silence and I had almost forgotten he was even pushing me. It was just so peaceful out there. I looked up through the trees and though the brightness hurt my eyes, I just kept darting them around to take in the whole area. I was lost in thoughts of the scene before my eyes that it took me a moment to realize we had stopped. I looked ahead to see a wide, white meadow, where the trail had come to an end.

Snow covered every inch of the ground along with the low bushes. Every now and then, the only sound you could hear was the melting snow sliding off the branches. For a moment, I had wished that I didn't have the damn brace on so I could go running through it. But my thoughts were interrupted by something hitting my chest. That something was very cold and very wet and as I looked down, the front of me was covered in slush.

"Not cool," I mumbled as I looked back up. I saw Carlisle standing innocently off to the side by a tree, looking up like he had no idea where it had come from. "Sure, take advantage of the girl in the wheelchair. I will get you back for that," I told him as I looked around to see if there was any snow I could reach, but before I could turn my head completely, another mound of snow hit where my shoulder connected to my neck. Pieces of ice slid down my shirt and I squealed at the temperature. "Carlisle," I growled.

I could hear him laughing from behind me, and I turned my neck as far as it would go, but he wasn't there. I turned quickly to look in front of me and gasped when he was two feet away.

"Here," he said as he handed me a large snowball. "Take your best shot." He smiled as he took another step back and I was momentarily lost in the sight of him. Where we stood was shaded, but from a brake in the branches, a single ray of light caused his face to sparkle just barely. In contrast with his dark clothing, it was almost more of a glow. "Bella?"

"What? Oh," I looked down at the ball of snow in my slowly numbing hand and then back up to where he stood. I rolled my eyes before I launched it at him, hitting him right in the chest and it turned into an icy dust as it fell to the ground… "Lame," I grumbled as I dried my hand off on the blanket and placed it between my thighs to warm it.

He laughed again, the sound loud and almost musical, as he came closer. He looked more relaxed than I could ever remember seeing him and though it was strange, it was nice. Sometimes it was easy to forget he was really twenty-three.

"Anything you'd like to do while we are out here?" he asked as he moved behind me and leaned against the back of the chair.

"I guess not. While it's beautiful and peaceful, it's not as much fun when you have a messed up leg." I frowned and turned to look up at him. "Anything you have in mind that doesn't involve pelting me with snowballs?"

He just smiled again as he looked up to the sky. His face was peaceful, calm, and beautiful. I just watched him for a moment. My eyes settled on his jaw and then his lips... It took me a moment to notice that they were moving and that it meant he was talking.

"…really beautiful out here isn't it? I come out this way when I hunt. Most of the time, I take a bit to clear my head and wander a little further to areas that, unfortunately, your chair can't reach. Even if the house is practically empty, the fresh air helps." He smiled as he looked down at me.

I just nodded my head as I turned back to look towards the meadow. I could definitely see that. Just during the walk out there, my mind was completely clear of all stress that had swarmed me while sitting in the house. And of course, that meant it had time to move onto other things I shouldn't have been thinking about.

I had no idea how long we stayed there, watching the birds fly around while Carlisle named off each kind, and the clumsy squirrel that had trouble climbing up the tree that had us laughing quietly. The sun was in a different spot when I looked back up and I was starting to get a little cold.

"Are you ready to head back now?" he asked suddenly.

"Sure," I said taking one last look around.

The walk back to the house was quiet as well and I enjoyed it. Being with Carlisle wasn't so bad. While most people liked to fill time with constant chatter about topics I rarely ever cared about, it was comfortable to just be with him not saying a thing.

When we made it back to the house, I looked at the clock in the living room and realized it was just after two in the afternoon. My stomached growled at the same moment and before I had the time to think of saying anything, Carlisle spun my chair around to lead me into the kitchen.

"Easy there," I said with a bit of a laugh. "I really don't care to find out if you can get motion sickness from wheelchairs."

He laughed softly. "Sorry, Bella. I didn't think I moved it that fast."

"It's okay. Just a surprise is all. Not really used to someone answering to my bodily functions…" As the words left my mouth, I blushed at the thought. "Y-You know what I mean."

He laughed again, louder that time and left me near the kitchen table as he moved to the stove. I just cradled my head in my hands.

"What would you like to eat for lunch?" he asked, and I sighed as I looked back up at him.

"What are my options?" I questioned.

"Let's see… There is soup, stuff for sandwiches, some boxed pasta and some other canned food."

"Some other canned food? Never mind, I'll take soup, please." I smiled as he looked back at me.

"Coming right up," he said returning the smile. "I'm sorry that I don't have much of a variety for you."

"It's fine, really. Like you said, you weren't sure what I liked since you haven't actually had to cook for me before and you only grabbed a few things. I could write a few things down for you to get next time you have a chance to go to the store. Or you could just take me with you. That could make it easier if I can just pick out what I like."

He was quiet for a moment and I looked up from the newspaper that I had just slid in front of me to see him watching me, his face unreadable.

"That sounds like a good idea. Tomorrow evening should be fine. I think it will be mostly overcast for the next few days. That is why I thought it would be nice to get you out of the house today."

"Thanks for that by the way. I really enjoyed myself."

"I'm happy to hear that. It was nice to have some company."

I smiled again as I looked back down at the newspaper. There really wasn't much going on in the area; nothing that held my attention anyways and I pushed it away just as Carlisle brought a bowl of chicken noodle soup. I thanked him and scooted my chair closer to the table. The first spoonful warmed me instantly and I sighed as I relaxed in my chair a bit. It took me a moment to realize that Carlisle was still standing next to me, watching me, and I moved my head slowly to look up at him with a brow raised questioningly.

"What?" I asked aloud when he didn't say anything.

"Nothing," he said and smiled just a bit. He then shook his head and turned to walk back into the kitchen for a moment before disappearing.

I just stared after him, confused and a little nervous. I turned back to my bowl and ran a hand over my face, checking to see if I had something on it. When it appeared to be clear, I went back to eating, deciding to ignore his actions.

Once I was finished with my soup, I was still alone so I decided to take the bowl to the sink myself. I set it down on my lap and pushed the wheels. Once I was as close as I could get, I placed the bowl into the sink and leaned a little, pushing with my right leg to turn that faucet on so I could rinse it. When I finished, I set the bowl down and pushed again to turn the water off, but I realized that I had made a mistake somewhere, as the chair started rolling out from under me.

"Damnit," I breathed as I held onto the edge of the sink and the arm of the chair, knowing that either way, the twisted angle I was stuck in, I was about to fall to the floor. My hand slipped a little and the chair shot backwards. It was so quick, I barely noticed myself falling a little before two cold hands circled around my waist, pulling against his hard chest.

"What were you doing?" he asked with a mixture of worry and amusement in his tone.

My head was slumped against his shoulder and I sighed before pulling back and looking up at him.

"I just wanted to rise my bowl out," I said innocently with a shrug.

I could feel his fingers against my skin as my shirt and jacket rose a little. It took me a moment to realize that my feet weren't on the ground and at the same moment I noticed just how close I was to him. My hands were on his chest, his face just a few inches from mine as my whole body was pressed against his. My heart beat quickened as my eyes locked onto his and it was silent aside from the thudding in my ears.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice low as his cool breathe moved across my face. I shivered and could only nod in response. "Please be more careful, Bella."

He set my back down onto my feet and I barely remembered not to use my left foot. He kept one hand firmly on my hip as he reached over to pull my chair close and he eased me back into. I moved my eyes from his face down to my hands as I nervously picked at my thumbnail. _What in the hell was _that_?_ I thought to myself, but my brain was too fuzzy to think of an answer.

He stood by me for a moment before moving to the back of the chair and pushing me into the living room. The silence was strange and the tension made awkward for the first time. I tried not to think about what had just happened, more specifically, not think about how it felt. A part of me, apparently the part that had gone completely crazy, wanted to be that close to him again, but the more logical part of myself realized it was wrong. He had only caught me, stopping me from falling and injuring myself further.

It was nothing more than that. It would never be any more than that. Neither of us even wanted that. He was leaving as soon as I was healed and then I would back to trying to fix myself. But for the time being, I would just enjoy the company, the friendship, since it was all I had and already more than what I had originally wanted.

He helped me onto the couch and I resumed my reading. He watched me for a moment and I glanced up and smiled, hoping it looked sincere and he nodded once before walking, moving upstairs. The rest of the day was silent and I tried hard to actually see the words on the page as my eyes moved over them.

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Oh. Carlisle's POV next chapter. =)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: So here's Carlisle's chapter and it's actually the longest so far. Let me know what you guys think of it. I'm always a little unsure of doing other POVs and I worry about it really sounding like them. If you guys like it, I may try to write more from him. No promises though. But the way I am thinking, for some things, they will need to happen in his POV.

And also a big thanks to TheUnderStudy of course for all her help with this chapter and actually encouraging me to do his POV.

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**Chapter 8  
**_Carlisle's POV_

_What was that?_ I asked myself as I made my way up to my study. I fell back into my chair and ran my hand over my face. The scent of her still lingered on my skin and clothing and it was not helping me to rid the thoughts over what had taken place just moments before.

The poor girl was so accident-prone that she couldn't even rinse a bowl without almost causing herself injury. I felt that it was my fault though and couldn't entirely hold it against her. She hated asking for help and if I had only not let my thoughts run away with me, I would have been there to take the bowl away from her before she had any ideas of doing it herself. I should have known, but it wasn't on the forefront of my mind at the time.

I sighed as I slouched more into my chair. My elbows resting on the arms as I rubbed my temples with my fingertips. I briefly wondered if what I was feeling was a vampire's version of a headache. There were several other times I had felt such a feeling, but I couldn't even focus on what those times might have been. Many different trails of thoughts were still wandering through my mind about the human girl downstairs.

A question that had come to my mind often floated its way through again. _What was I doing here? _I knew the reason I had come to the area, but the question held all different meanings, many of which I had no answers for. Why was it so difficult?

When Alice had first told me that I needed to take a flight to South Lake Tahoe for a while, the only response I had for her was a very confused expression. "_California?" _I had asked her. I was still having a hard time dealing with the sudden changes that had taken place. I was at a loss, figuring out where things could have gone so wrong so quickly. I often found myself immobile for hours at a time, lost in thoughts of how to fix things. Where I could have put my foot down and ended before it was too late. As the leader in the family, surely there had to have been some way for me to have stopped it before it spiraled so far out of control. But when I really thought about it, I realized all the things I had missed at the time and that things had not been right for a while.

I had "zoned out" on Alice again while she was telling me of the trip. That was what she called it. Jasper had even commented on how my face took on the same distanced look that Alice had when she was caught in the future. I quickly apologized for it, embarrassed for behaving so unlike myself and focused on Alice's words concerning the vision she had just had.

"_Carlisle, you need to leave immediately. If you waste any time, the weather won't be right and I see it becoming a problem. You only have time to pack a few things. I will order your plane ticket as you do that."_

"_Alice," I said calmly, trying to see the reason behind her sudden panic. "Slow down. What is the problem?"_

"_It's Bella," she said and I felt my body tense and had to try harder than I thought possible to focus on her next words. "She's down in California; a road trip of some sort. Well, she will be in a car accident this time tomorrow."_

"_What?" I asked, both surprised and terrified at her words. "How soon can I get there? Will it be easier to just run? Will I make it in time?"_

"_Calm down Carlisle," she said, coming to stand in front of me, placing her hands on my shoulders. Her voice was calm considering the situation. The expression on her face was one of knowing and understanding, of what I wasn't sure, but it did help to calm me even just the tiniest bit. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and released it. Once I opened my eyes, I nodded slowly to show her that I was better. "There is plenty of time. You won't need to be there until right after it happens. You need the flight to relax."_

_The tension was slowly fading as she said there was plenty of time, but when I took in her words about being there_ after_ it happened, I quickly moved away from her._

"_What do you mean _after_ it happens?" I shouted at her. _

"_The accident has to happen," she stated, looking at me with absolute certainty. "But she will need you afterwards."_

"_Alice," I groaned. I knew there was nothing I could do but trust her, but the idea of letting Bella get into a car accident tore me in two. "Why? Why let it happen? I could stop it and then she wouldn't need our interference. She probably doesn't even want any of us there."_

"_If you stop the accident from happening, she will die. She _will _survive the accident, but she will need you afterwards."_

"_What? How will she die if I stop the accident? Alice, this makes no sense." I paced back and forth across the living room, trying to understand._

"_I'm not sure exactly how at the moment, because she hasn't made any real decisions. However, I do see her future disappearing once she exits California."_

"_Why me?" I asked as I stopped and turned to look at sure. "Surely you would be the most welcome."_

_She looked sad for a moment as she looked down. "No. She'll turn me away and return to Forks. She will be unhappier than ever there after seeing me," she said before her eyes turned back to me with a small smile. "She respects you and even if she is angry, she knows that you would put her health first before anything. She will accept that, even if only that at first."_

_It didn't clear the confusion any, but I decided not to argue. If Bella was in need of help, there was no question; I would be there the very moment I could. I nodded my head once as I darted up the stairs to pack and heard Alice placing a call to book my flight._

I sighed as I sat up straighter in my chair, pulling myself out of the memory from my last day in Alaska. I thought of Bella's reaction towards me while remembering Alice's words. I didn't want to think of how she would have responded to her showing up here instead. I don't think Alice would handle rejection too well. It broke her heart to have to leave Bella. There wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't extremely angry with Edward and refused to speak to him. That, of course, wasn't a problem since we hadn't seen, or spoken to him since we left Washington.

Walking into the hospital that first day and seeing Bella lying there unconscious, broken and bruised, caused a strange ache in my chest. I felt so many different things at once; I couldn't really put a name to half of them. But the guilt and sadness from leaving the amazing young woman, who had become a part of family, so quickly behind was the strongest.

I had even questioned the reasoning behind leaving her because it became obvious that there was more behind Edward's desire to go away. If she was with us, in our world, we could've protected her. On her own, the world could hurt her and we would be too far away to do a thing about it. If she had remained with us, we could have shielded her from everything that threatened her safety. Maybe I was being a bit dramatic, but I do whatever possible to protect those I care about. Isabella Swan fit right into that category easily. Human or vampire, I felt it was my job, my reason for existing to save lives, especially the life of Isabella.

So that was where I found myself and the only answer to the question of my reasoning for sitting in that chair in that very room in South Lake Tahoe, California. I was there to save Bella from whatever it was that threatened her; whatever reason Alice had saw my purpose for being there. Even if that threat was herself, I would do what I could.

It wasn't that I felt that I owed it to Bella to be there for her in her time of need. It wasn't even that I felt guilty, which of course I did. How could I not? We brought her in, made her a part of our family, and then left her behind. What kind of a family does that? I had done my best to fight the decision. I tried to bring reason, maybe get everyone to go away for a while, think things over. But in the end, I was weak. I gave in and thought maybe I could find some way to work it out. But we all suffered from that poor decision. Time had passed, but nothing worked out. It really shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did.

Yet, the true reason for being there was simply because I wanted to be. I wanted to help her. I genuinely liked Bella and wanted to be her friend. I could only hope that in time she would see and accept that. I hated to admit that I was afraid of what would happen when her leg was healed. It was strange, but being with Bella, keeping her company and helping her, made me feel better than I had in quite a while. If she no longer wanted me around, what would I do? That was something I avoided thinking about as much as possible.

Bella was angry and I accepted that because she had every right to be. I hated to see her anger directed towards me, but I started noticing more that she seemed to soften a bit when she would really look at me. At those times, I wondered what she saw in my expression to make her change, but I wouldn't question it. I was grateful that there was at least some points in time when her anger faded. I wanted her to enjoy her time here as much as she could. I wasn't delusional enough to think she was happy. Although, when I had brought up helping her go back to Forks, I could see how sure she was about staying. Knowing that brought a smile to my face.

I was sure that getting her out of the house would make her feel better. I knew she hated being cooped up in the house and that was why I took her to that spot that I often sat and thought in. Many hunting trips ended with me sitting on a fallen log that lay just opposite of where we stopped and just enjoyed the silence and fresh air. It wasn't that being in the house was loud because other than Bella's heartbeat and breathing, there were no other noises. It had more to do with being outside; the sounds of nature. It was always something I found to be more relaxing than anything.

It felt nice sharing that time with Bella and was glad that she seemed to enjoy herself as well. Throwing snow balls at her though was something I needed to remember not to do in the future. At least not when she couldn't defend herself. I laughed softly at the memory. The look on her face when she realized what I had done was priceless. It was the first time I had felt free of all the tension and stress in a long time. I wasn't sure how she had that affect on me, but it was just something that came with her presence.

The day was wonderful until we arrived home and my thoughts got the better of me. It was the way I caught her looking at me sometimes, the feelings that coursed through me when her gaze lingered on me a few moments longer than normal. I couldn't even begin to describe them. Never in all my years have I ever been so at a loss for words when it came to one person. It was something that bothered me. I didn't like not being sure of how something affected me. She in no way made me feel uncomfortable when she did that though; it was the opposite in fact. I liked it and that worried me.

When she had just settled herself into eating her lunch, she relaxed. I don't even think she realized she had smiled just before picking up her spoon, but she did. I felt myself cease movement as I watched her move. A strand of her hair fell in front of her face and my fingers twitched to push it behind her ear. The softness of her pale skin and the way her mouth shifted into that easy smile… it was beautiful. I was overcome by the same feelings that matched when she looked at me and that's when that realization hit me. She _was_ looking at me, but was glaring and that snapped me right out of my daze.

I had no other thoughts other than leaving her in peace so she could finished her soup without me disturbing her. After I made my way upstairs, I did anything I could to distract myself from thinking too much of things, creating unnecessary thoughts of non-existent feelings and actions. I rewrote medical notes for work, checked my email incase Alice sent me anything, which she never did, and I reorganized my desk drawers. It was when I was just starting the second drawer that I noticed something wasn't right.

I stopped all movements, focused my hearing downstairs and I heard a gasp. I waited only a moment more before hearing the word "damnit" before I rushed downstairs. Bella was at the sink in the kitchen, twisted at an awkward angle, barely hanging on. Her hand, that was gripping the edge of the sink, slipped and the chair shot backwards just as my arms reached for her. I wasted no time pulling her up and into my arms before I worried that she may have hurt herself.

"What were you doing?" I asked her, trying to appear more amused with her clumsiness than worried.

Her head rested against my shoulder as she calmed her breathing. She let out a sigh before she answered, pulling her head back as she looked up into my eyes.

"I just wanted to rise my bowl out," she said innocently, adding a cute shrug at the end.

In the rush to get her before she fell, her jacket had rose up just a tiny bit and my fingers were resting against her soft, warm skin. I was holding her to me tightly and at the notice of that, I gripped her just a little more. She was raised about a foot off the ground, bringing her closer than ever. Her hands were placed on my chest and her face just inches from my own. I locked my eyes onto hers and I lost myself in them. The only sound in the room was her heart racing, echoing through my mind and successfully distracting me enough to focus.

"Are you alright?" I asked, my voice lower than usual. The breath that followed my words caused her to shiver just before she nodded her reply. "Please be more careful, Bella."

I slowly released my grip on her and set her down gently on her own feet. I waited a moment to make sure she didn't forget about her injured leg and then reached to pull her chair over, helping her slowly sit back down. I felt her eyes on me for a moment and when I looked in her direction, she was just looking away. She was nervous, tense, and I had to admit I felt very much the same. I stopped for a moment to think of what to do, but my mind was coming up blank.

I decided to push her into the living room. For the first time since I had brought her to the house, the silence was awkward. I wanted to apologize, but I wasn't sure if that was right. I didn't really know what I should be apologizing for. _Maybe it just appeared to be more than it was,_ I thought to myself. I had, after all, been thinking more of things not too long before. But then I thought that it couldn't have been. If it was only me imagining things, then why was she sitting there picking her skin around her thumbnail until it was raw?

I tried to push all the thoughts of what had just happened away. I wanted to just forget about it and hopefully bring back the ease and comfort from earlier that afternoon, but my mind was still irritatingly coming up with nothing. I didn't want to think of her pressed against me. I didn't want to remember how warm she was. I really didn't want to think of her hands on my chest, or her face close enough to feel the brush of her breath. I felt for the first time that I was actually losing my mind.

I didn't just want to think about it. I wanted to feel it again.

I instantly realized that it was wrong. I had only caught her from falling. She was obviously worried about adding more to her injuries; probably in a little bit of shock after my quick reaction. She was so unused to the speed of our kind. Why would it have been anything more? It was nonsense. It was complete craziness to think anything more of it. I didn't want more. I wasn't staying. She would want to leave as soon as she was healed. I was pushing my luck hoping for a friendship. I was going to be in for real trouble with her if I gave the impression that there was more that I was wanting from her. Because I didn't.

Yes, I was definitely losing my mind.

I helped her onto the couch after she had asked and she immediately picked up her book. I took that as a sign she wanted to be alone and was little grateful for it. I watched her for a moment to make sure she wouldn't need anything else and she looked up and smiled. Though her smile looked a little forced, I nodded and moved quickly upstairs.

Once I was alone, it was even harder not to think about anything. It was no use. I was pacing my room, wringing my hands, and trying not to say my thoughts out loud because I was sure that would add to further questioning of my sanity. I was so deep in thought that I barely even noticed my phone was ringing on my desk. I darted for it quickly, not even bothering to see who it was.

"Hello?" I asked in a hurried voice.

"Carlisle, relax," Alice's small voice said on the other end. I took a deep breath and smiled.

"I am trying. Please tell me you have something for me to go on here," I asked and realized it sounded more like I was begging.

"I'm sorry. There really isn't much that I can tell you. This is something you have to work through on your own," she said and I groaned. _This is going to be torture,_ I thought.

"Alright, I suppose," I said with a sigh.

"How is she?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"Can't you see for yourself?" I asked and then regretted the tone. I didn't mean to sound rude or angry and I sighed again. "It's difficult, Alice. She's so angry, with good reason, but it makes it hard to help her. I never know if I'm going to do something wrong or say something to upset her more. I tried to just leave her alone, let her have peace in this situation that has her seeming so unhappy, but then I hated leaving her alone. So today I took her out for a walk. It was nice, which I'm sure you saw. She smiled quite a bit, so I think that helped."

"That's good. But now things feel strange again?" she asked in a way that told me she had in fact seen the whole thing.

"Yes. It's worse than it was before. But, I suppose it only just happened, so I should give it time. Right?"

"Exactly. Everything will be just fine, as long as you stop worrying yourself about it."

"Alright. Thank you," I said, thankful that she at least gave me that bit of information.

"Things are not going to be easy, so I can't tell that they will. This will work out in the end. Trust yourself, Carlisle. Things may have not worked out entirely in the past, but think about that reasoning. What is meant to be, will always find its way."

I could almost see the smile on her face as she said her last words and I found that I was able to relax a little more. Even knowing that it wouldn't be easy was alright, as long as things worked out. However that would be, I wasn't sure. Would I be happy? How? Would Bella be happy? Would she leave?

"Stop it, Carlisle. That's the exact opposite of what you need to be doing."

I closed my eyes and shook my head hoping to clear my thoughts more.

"Thank you, Alice."

"Of course. I wish there was more that I could do, or say, but there isn't. I'd tell you to tell her that we said hi and that we miss her, but I can see that it would only make things worse for you, so I won't. She isn't' ready to hear from us yet." Her voice was sad and again I felt horrible for everything.

"Things will be better? For everyone?" I asked.

"Yes. For everyone."

After I got off the phone with her, I felt a little better. My confusion wasn't any less, but I could live with that. I glanced at the time and realized that several hours had passed and it was time for Bella's dinner. I braced myself for the worst as I made my way downstairs, but when I got there, I was surprised to find her looking up at me and smiling. I returned the smile and thought that maybe Alice had been right.

It was silent as I cooked her food. She had turned on the TV and flipped through channels, never really finding anything, before I was finished. I helped her into her chair and pushed her into the kitchen so she could eat some chicken and pasta. I figured it was easy and safe to just work with boxed foods because at least they had directions, but the frozen chicken wasn't all that hard either. I had even found a very easy recipe off the internet to try and I was glad she seemed to enjoy it.

Once she was finished, she let me know that she was ready for bed. I was a little surprised, but then remembered she had done more today than she normally did and was probably exhausted. I happily lead her into the room and grabbed her bag for her to get her clothes out when I realized that it was a little empty.

"Would you like me to do some laundry for you tonight?" I asked her and she blushed slightly as she thought it over.

"I suppose it's necessary. I would really appreciate that." She smiled as she looked up.

I nodded before leaving her room for a basket from the laundry room. Once I was back, I quickly picked up the clothes and put them in, reminding myself to grab the towels from the bathroom on my way out.

"Is there anything else you need?"

"Nope, I should be able to take if from here. Thanks again for a wonderful day. Do you think we can do it again sometime?" she asked, smiling again as she placed her clothes on the bed beside her.

"Of course. Whenever you'd like to, just let me know."

"Okay. Good night," she said as she looked back up to me and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Good night, Bella."

I turned and pushed the wheelchair across the room before grabbing the basket of clothes and closing the door behind me. I thought about how I could talk to Dr. Malone on Monday about switching the chair for crutches. Even after the slip, I knew that she was ready for them. A rare, selfish part of me didn't want her to have them though. That only meant that she was closer to healing.

I tossed her clothes into the washing machine and once I was sure Bella was asleep, I decided to go for a hunt. It wasn't that I needed it, but I wanted the fresh air. I knew that it would help immensely. I felt better, almost immediately, once I was out of the house and the wind blew gently against my skin. The scent of snow mixed with the trees caused me to release a breath that I wasn't aware I was holding.

I ran away from the house and quickly drained a deer before making my way to the spot I had taken Bella too that afternoon. It hadn't snowed since then and the trail of wheel marks was still there. It was amazing that it didn't feel that it had only been a few hours before that I was there with her. All the worrying thoughts had made it seem so much longer.

Once I was fully relaxed while sitting on my favorite log, I ran through the events of the day. Once I was able to see things clearly, I found it almost humorous. She was trying to rinse a bowl and slipped. I caught her, held her a little longer than necessary while we both relaxed and that made things so stressful? After a while, I realized that I had just made it seem so much worse than it was meant too. Bella was probably only embarrassed about falling again and I didn't help by over thinking. The position we were just didn't help, but it was nothing.

I smiled at my thoughts and did feel a little better. I decided that I would apologize the next day in case it made her feel at all uncomfortable. I didn't want her to feel that way at all. I wanted things to go back to normal. We would go shopping and I was happy once again that she would be going with me because I was clueless when it came to shopping for a human. Before, Alice would always tell me what to get if I had to get anything at all, or Esme would do it.

Once I finally felt fully relaxed, I made my way back to the house to finish Bella's laundry. As I reached the house, something sounded a bit off. I could hear her heartbeat pounding wildly and her breath was quicker than normal. I ran through the house, not sure if she was asleep and having a nightmare, or if she was awake and something was wrong. I immediately regretted going so far away from the house.

Once I reached her door, I knocked as I slowly pushed it open.

"Bella, are you awake?" I asked quietly, not wanting to scare her.

"Yeah, come in," she replied, her voice strained. When the door was open fully, I found her sitting there adjusting the blankets on the bed around her nervously.

"Is something wrong?" I asked her and her face turned a bright red as her heartbeat picked up even more. I was turning more worried by the second.

"Uh, no… why?"

"Well, I was just out for a quick hunt and you were asleep before I left and now you're not." I didn't know what else to say, she was obviously embarrassed about something, but I had no idea what.

"You just got back?" she asked her eyes wide and her voice was hopeful. _What did I miss?_

"Yes, I came straight in here to check that everything was okay," I said, looking at her with my worry turning to confusion.

She smiled widely before she replied. "Nope. Everything is… great."

"Are you sure?" I asked slowly, not sure if I should believe her.

"Yep. I just woke up after a dream, but I'm okay now. I think I'll just try to go back to sleep."

She looked away from me, her face still red. It took me a moment to realize that she couldn't really look at me.

"Okay. If you need anything, just let me know." I told her and she nodded.

I was nowhere near convinced that she was perfectly okay, but I didn't want to force the information from her. I just smiled at her and walked away, pulling her door closed behind me. I heard a sigh of relief as the door clicked shut and I could hear her readjusting herself under her blankets.

I tried not to worry about her dream, or her reaction to it. She was obviously embarrassed about something and I didn't want to add to. She _was_ known for talking in her sleep and perhaps she had just been worried I had overheard something. Thinking about that had me wondering what she could have said. What was she dreaming about?

The first thought I had was of Edward. He had mentioned before that he had heard her mumble his name in her sleep. Maybe it was that. Could she have been dreaming of Edward? It would make sense. After all, she had really loved him. It wouldn't be wrong for her to still feel that way.

So why did I feel so strange about that?


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: The wait was a bit longer than planned for this chapter. It seems that I can't write anywhere but on the couch in my living room because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get more than a sentence out this last week while I visited a friend. I have no idea how long the wait will be for the next chapter, but hopefully not too long.

Thanks as always to TheUnderStudy for her awesome beta'ing and The Joker's Daughter for her reassurance for the beginning of this chapter. Also a quick thanks to all my amazing readers who review and keep me motivated.

That is all. =)

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**Chapter 9**  
_Back to Bella's POV_

_I was sitting in my chair, twisted slightly as my arms reached over the edge of the counter and into the sink where I was rinsing my bowl out from my soup. Once I was finished, I set the bowl down, just away from the water and pushed on the ground with my __good leg. I was trying to reach the handle to shut the water off and I pushed just a little too hard, causing the chair to slide out from underneath of me. __I tried to catch it and hold it in place with one hand, while the other grabbed the sink tightly._

_Once I was finished, I set the bowl down, just away from the water and pushed on the ground with my __good leg. I was trying to reach the handle to shut the water off and I pushed just a little too hard, causing the chair to slide out from underneath of me._

"_Damnit," I breathed in frustration. I knew that no matter what, the situation would end with me falling and hurting myself more. _

_Just as I grabbed the arm of the chair, my hand on the edge of the sink slipped. Instead of pulling the chair, I pushed it further backwards. I felt myself start to fall, but before I could, I felt two hands circle around my waist. They were tight yet gentle, pulling me up and pressing me against his hard chest. _

"_What were you doing?" He asked with a mixture of worry and amusement in his tone. _

_My head was slumped against his shoulder and I sighed before pulling back. I was breathless as I looked up into his eyes._

"_I just wanted to rise my bowl out," I said innocently with a shrug._

_I could feel his fingers against my skin as my shirt and jacket rose a little. It took me a moment to realize that my feet weren't on the ground and at the same moment I noticed just how close I was to him. My hands were on his chest, his face just a few inches from mine as my whole body was pressed against his. My heart beat quickened as my eyes locked onto his and it was silent aside from the thudding in my ears._

"_Are you alright?" he asked, his voice low as his cool breathe moved across my face. I shivered and could only nod in response. "Please be more careful, Bella."_

_I nodded again as my eyes slid closed, my attention focused onto the feel of him beneath my hands. I ran my hands slowly from his chest to his shoulders where I gripped tightly. He dropped his head down, resting his forehead against mine and I opened my eyes again. He was so close, close enough that I could almost taste his scent as it swarmed my senses. I shifted just a tiny bit closer and that was all that was needed. _

_His lips pressed against mine, softly at first, but then the pace quickened.__I parted my lips, groaning quietly as his tongue slid against mine. My hands moved from his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair. I tangled my fingers into it, pulling him as close as I could. He shifted slightly and I felt my back pressed against something before I was lifted and set down on what I assumed was the counter. _

_His hands moved from my waist, down to my knees, and then slowly made their way back over my thighs. One rested just on the inside of my right thigh, his thumb stroking slowly. The other traveled higher over my stomach and then to my side where he moved just over the edge of my breast. He shifted his mouth from mine and trailed slow kisses down my jaw and neck while I gasped for air. He nipped at the skin just below my ear before moving back down my jaw, nipping and kissing gently before capturing my mouth. His hand began roaming again. This time it was not only to touch, but cupping my breast and gripping it his palm before running his thumb over my nipple. I moaned inside his mouth, grabbing his hair roughly and he groaned in return. _

_He pulled away once again as I panted, desperate for air and for more of him. "Carlisle," I moaned._

Suddenly, the images changed and I was no longer in the brightly lit kitchen, but the darkness of my bedroom. My breathing was heavy and my heart thudded hard in my chest. I sat up quickly, running my hands through my hair, trying to calm myself. _It was just a dream_, I told myself, but then gasped when a thought suddenly came to mind. _Please tell me I didn't say that out loud,_ I groaned in embarrassment. I knew that no matter where he was in the house, he would have heard me.

It was almost impossible for me to go back to sleep after that. I couldn't figure out why I had dreamt of such a thing, especially something like _that_ involving _Carlisle._ I shook the thoughts away and heard a noise outside my door before there was a light tap.

"Bella, are you awake?" Carlisle asked quietly. I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. Please_, tell me he didn't hear anything._

"Yeah, come in," I said, slowly adjusting the blankets around me as I sat up.

"Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no… why?" I asked, knowing that my face was turning a lovely shade of red.

"Well, I was just out for a quick hunt and you were asleep before I left and now… you're not."

"You just got back?" I asked, my voice showing my hope.

"Yes, I came straight in here to check that everything was okay," he said with his eyes narrowed in confusion.

I smiled. "Everything is… great."

"Are you sure?" he asked slowly.

"Yep. I just woke up after a dream, but I'm good now. I think I'll just try to go back to sleep."

"Okay. If you need anything, just let me know." He didn't look entirely convinced, but he let it go with a soft smile and turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. I let out a sigh of relief, slid back down in bed, and slipped into a wonderful, dreamless sleep.

x*O*x

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I felt wide awake for the first time in a while. I was almost happy to get up and out of bed for once. That was until the memory of the dream before invaded my thoughts. I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned when false images of Carlisle's hands on my thigh and his tongue against mine floated through. _Please, just go away,_ I silently demanded.

Once I opened my eyes, the dimness of the room was enough to keep me focused. Whether I liked it or not, I would be spending the day with Carlisle. If I kept thinking about the dream, then it would be far more awkward then necessary. I took a deep breath and forced the dream and any tension away. I wanted it to be a good day. It would be the first that I had gone out anywhere since leaving the hospital and I was really looking forward to it.

I made the decision right there to not let the embarrassment get the better of me. After all, Carlisle wasn't even home in case I had said something. I was sure I did because it was brought to my attention in the past that names managed to find their way of slipping out while I was asleep. So it was just better for the both of us if I just held it in and tried my hardest to not show anything going on inside my head.

The day started out easy and for that I was completely grateful. Carlisle didn't push on the dream, which I was slightly afraid he would ask about again, and the silence between us was back to being comfortable. He made me the rest of the eggs, bacon, and bread for breakfast. His French toast was amazing and he somehow managed to improve them since the first time he made them for me.

Once breakfast was done, I wanted to take a shower. After a little bit of insisting before my last shower, I was allowed to dress in the bathroom when I was finished. All it took was a little extra twisting and it was possible. When I was done, Carlisle helped me back into my chair and pushed me back into my room so I could brush my hair. I was finished with my hair and grabbed a pair of socks from my bag. Unfortunately, I couldn't pick up my shoes from the ground. With a sigh, I called Carlisle for help. I hated it, but knew I had little options. So I sucked it up and stopped fighting it, especially after the incident the day before.

"Do you need something?" he asked when he appeared in my doorway.

"Could you help me with my shoes and socks?"

"Of course," he said with a smile and I had to force myself to look away from him. _What was wrong with me?_ I thought as I closed my eyes and shook my head.

He slipped the socks from my hand and pushed me near the bed before he sat on the edge. He pulled up my right leg and slipped the sock and shoe on before tying it. For the left foot, he bent down and very gently repeated the action. My eyes drifted over his shoulders and down his arms and stopped at his hands that had just finished tying the shoelace with one soft tug.

"There you go," he said. I felt my mouth form a smile as I looked away from him realizing that I was just _looking _at him. I was watching the way his muscles shifted with each move, how smooth the skin of his arms looked and his strong, yet gentle hands. I felt the blush creep up before I could hide or try to stop it. _Something is definitely wrong with me,_ I concluded and noticed he had started talking again.

"I've checked the weather and it seems the day should be mostly overcast. I had someon_e_ confirm that as well, so we can leave earlier if you would like. We could go shopping for anything else you may need too and maybe you could eat out for once, if you'd like."

"T-That would be great, thanks," I mumbled, trying hard to get my emotions under control. You didn't have to be an empath to pick up on most of what I was sure you could see on my face still.

"Is there anything else you need to get ready, or would you like to leave now?"

"Now would be fine."

It didn't escape my attention that he purposely didn't say _Alice's _name. I felt another surge of guilt for my reactions. He felt that he needed to hide his communicating with his family from me so I wouldn't be angry or hurt. I made a mental note to be more open about them. A thought told me to at least ask how they were doing, but thinking of them all still made me a little tense. So, I figured right that moment wouldn't have been a good idea.

Being back in a car after so long felt strange, but it was a good kind of strange. It was nice being back out in the world after being cooped up on the couch so long with my nose stuck in a book. I was starting to run out of things to read and nothing on TV ever really held my attention. Therefore, I was glad that Carlisle had the idea to shop for other things aside from food.

When we pulled into the Wal-mart parking lot, I barely held back the laugh that tried to pop its way through my lips.

"Find something amusing?" Carlisle asked as he smiled in my direction.

"Oh, nothing really. I guess I just never pictured you, or anyone else in your family for that matter, shopping at a Wal-mart."

"Yes, I suppose I can see your point, but there are things that even _we_ need from Wal-marts."

"I guess so. Sorry-"

"No need to apologize," he said, smiling still as he cut me off and stepped out of the car. It didn't take him very long to get the wheelchair out of the trunk and meet me at my open door.

Once we were inside, I couldn't remember exactly what I wanted to get aside from shower stuff. I let Carlisle know that and he pushed me down the aisle and I reached for the same kind of shampoo and conditioner that he had bought me, which had become my new favorite. I glanced up at him and saw him smile at me and I turned my face away before the blush could show.

I grabbed a few more items from that department. As he started pushing me away, I remembered the other things I had needed to get because it was getting close to that time of the month. I was instantly embarrassed by needing to have him with me while getting them. That thought turned into another and I realized there was something that I had never really thought about.

"Bella?" Carlisle questioned and I turned to look at him, but noticed he was directly in front of me. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no," I lied horribly.

"Is there anything else you need to get?" he asked. I sighed and realized that I was being ridiculous.

"Yeah, um… Over here," I said, gesturing to the back wall. He looked behind me and only responded with an "Ah."

He turned the chair around and started pushing me towards the back and I searched the wall for the brand that I used. When I spotted it, I reached for the box tampons and set it in the basket that he had gotten me when we entered the store.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, Bella," he said. If that was supposed to help, it really didn't. The other thought pushed through and I gave in.

"Does it bother you?" I asked before I lost my nerve.

"No," he replied and I watched him for a moment to see if he was being honest. He must have caught on because he smiled, some-what nervously before he spoke again. "It doesn't bother me, no. "

"So it did bother the others?" I asked, looking away and feeling my face grow even hotter.

"Not as much as you might think. We were… _prepared,_" he said, looking like the choice of word made him uncomfortable.

"Oh god," I mumbled, burying my face in my hands.

"Bella, please don't feel so embarrassed," he said, placing his hands on my shoulders and leaning closer. "You are not the only female that experiences it and it's not new to us."

"I _know,_" I groaned, looking up at him. "But still… How can I not be embarrassed when I'm walking around… Ugh."

He laughed softly as he gently squeezed my shoulders before pulling back. "It's not something we would think about, or talk about, so don't think it was anything like that. It was something that was easy to deal with to have you in our home with us. That, to everyone, was more important."

I rolled my eyes at him and sighed in relief when he started pushing me away; the conversation was over.

We moved over towards where the electronics were and I glanced at all the different things they had on display before we moved on to the books section. I grabbed two new ones that looked interesting enough to hold my attention and realized that I was done.

"I guess that's it," I said as Carlisle started pushing me towards the front of the store.

"Alright," he said, looking down at his watch. "Did you want to stop and get something to eat before we go grocery shopping?"

"Sure, where did you have in mind?" I asked as we moved in line. He looked at me for a moment as I pulled my debit card out of my pocket. He looked like he was going to stay something, but then stopped and just picked up my basket, handing it to the woman behind the counter.

"I don't know. We could drive around a bit and see what you are in the mood for."

"Sounds good to me," I said, watching as the woman rang my items up.

When we were back in the car, we were both silent until I spotted a restaurant that looked good. I wasn't sure why, but something about Chinese food sounded amazing. He helped me inside and to our spot. I wished more than ever that I didn't have to be pushed around in that damn wheelchair, because it made things so much more difficult. The waitress had to move several chairs out of the way so I could squeeze in.

After we were both seated at the table, the silence continued. It wasn't tense, but not as comfortable as it had been in the past. I was thinking of asking him if something was wrong, because he would look at me and then look away, but I before I couldn't really think, the waitress arrived to take my order.

After a while, I felt strange sitting there eating while he just appeared to be lost in thought. It took me back to previous conversations and I remembered everything that had let us to that point. It had somehow become easy forget those times. It was easy for forget, that things were never _that_ easy. He missed his family, and I was a just something else for him to take care of. I was the reason the family was torn apart. It was my fault he couldn't even talk about them.

I wasn't aware that I had stopped eating until I heard him say my name.

"Is something wrong?" he asked and I wondered how many more times I was going to be the reason he asked that question.

"Nothing important," I said, smiling as I stabbed my fork into another piece of lemon chicken.

"Are you sure? We can talk about it, whatever it is," he said quietly, looking at me meaningfully.

"It's fine."

"Bella," he started, but just reached across the table to take my hand that rested near the edge. The familiar shock struck again, sending warmth flowing through my finger tips, to my arms and then my body. I sighed and the comfort of it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I looked down at my plate.

"What do you possibly have to be sorry for?" he asked softly, stroking the top of my hand with his thumb.

"Everything," I mumbled.

"Bella, please, look at me," he said, his voice just above a whisper with a hint of confusion. I was going to have to spell it out.

"I've ruined everything," I said, finally meeting his eyes. His deep golden eyes met mine, sparkling beautifully as they stared down at me.

"I don't understand."

"I go could all the way back to when I first moved to Forks, if you'd like," I laughed once, humorlessly. I looked down at his hand, still holding mine. "But you're here with me now, instead of being with your family. The family that, whether they wanted to or not, split up because of me. If I had just been smart enough, if I had only listened to my heart from the beginning and walked away, none of it would have happened."

"What are you talking about? None of this, not one single part of it is your fault. You met Edward, you feel in love, you were brought into our family, we accepted you. Things got tough, as things tend to do, but _we _left _you_. That, that right there was all on us. No part of this was your fault, Bella. I came here because I wanted too. Nothing is keeping me here, except for me wanting to be near you."

I shook my head as a single tear rolled own my cheek. The hand that had moved to my lap reached up to wipe it away roughly.

"What did you mean by, you should have listened to your heart in the beginning?" he asked suddenly.

"Something told me this was wrong. All of it. From the beginning I knew it would never work with Edward, but I wanted it. I felt that I _needed_ it. I needed the acceptance into your family. I knew I wouldn't be good enough for him. Having him tell me so only proved that, but it makes it all that much worse. I wasn't worth any of the trouble I caused." I paused, looking up at him, his eyes boring harder into mine as tears kept falling. "I'm not worth your time now."

"_What?_"e mjHe He asked, his tone barely a growled whisper. My body jerked back, surprised by the action, but I couldn't move far because of his grip on my hand.

"What?" I repeated, confused by the question.

"What did Edward tell you?" he asked, his voice a bit calmer, but still angry.

"Uh, well… He told me, exactly, that I was no good for him. That I was a distraction. I understand that, but it didn't hurt any less hearing it. To me, it all made sense. It never made any sense for your family to care so much for me."

"He… said _that?_"

"Yes, when he left me that day. He took me into the woods just out of sight of my house. He told me that he was leaving, that you all were. He said that he would always love me in a way, but that I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't want me. Since you all had left without a word, I took that to mean you all felt the same."

"Oh my…" He pulled back his hand from mine; the feeling was instant, a coldness spread through, me causing me to gasp. He ran his hands over his face, pulled at his hair. His eyes were darker than I had ever seen them as they turned back to mine. "None of that, and I mean it, _none _of that is true. What the hell was he thinking?" he asked, more to himself than me. I just sat there watching as he lost a bit of his control. It was all together fascinating and terrifying.

"Carlisle, it's okay," I said softly, trying to pull his hand back to mine, missing that small comfort it gave me as I tried to sort through my words.

"It's far from okay, Bella. I-I had _no_ idea."

"And that's why it's okay," I said quietly with a small smile. He closed his eyes and I turned his face down towards the table. "But it makes sense."

"_He _was not good enough for _you_," he said. His tone was rough, determined. Yet, I had a hard time believing it was true.

"Don't," I whispered as the tears started.

"It's true. And I firmly believe that, with or without you, our family would have fallen apart."

"I can't believe that."

"Then at least believe this, you are worth it. You're worth everything," he said, pulling on my hand and I looked up at him. His eyes were lighter again, shining brighter than ever. He was on the edge of his seat, which brought him closer to me. He pulled my hand up to his face, and pressed a kiss to the top of it. "I am here for no other reason than because I want to be."

A chill ran through my hand and body. It had nothing to do with being cold. We sat there staring intensely at each other for a moment. Nothing else in the restaurant or the world existed. For the first real time, I truly believed his words.

x*O*x

The accident seemed to be both a blessing and curse. It was a curse because I was stuck in that damn chair and my movements were limited. However, it was a blessing because when I woke up that next morning, a part of me felt lighter than it ever had. The worry had faded away and I just felt… better. The anger had faded; the hurt was slowly going with it. I finally believed my thoughts from before; things were really going to be okay. Everything else, I would deal with as they happened.

After we had left the restaurant, things were quiet between us again as we made our way to the grocery store. I didn't want to think anymore, but I found that I didn't have anything to think about besides the food I wanted to buy. The air between us was clear and easy again, even more so than before. I was able to relax and enjoy shopping for food with Carlisle.

When we made it back to the house, I sat at the table and watched him put the groceries away. After he was finished, I decided that I wanted to take a short nap before dinner, so he helped me into my room and into bed. I was pretty sure I didn't need his help for that, but I didn't say anything and neither did he. We had hardly said a word to each other since the conversation at lunch, but for once, I felt there was nothing left to say.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This chapter took a lot longer than I had originally planned. I had a bit of trouble with it. I ended up writing and rewriting several times before I got it right. Hopefully that won't happen again.

Also, this story is up for Sunflower Award for 'Best Story - Angst'. I would post the link here, but it's too long and FFn sucks so I will put the link on my profile. I would LOVE it if you could go and vote for it. =)

Thanks as always to my awesome beta TheUnderStudy. She was a major help with this chapter and ended up beta'ing it twice before I finally got it right.

_(Oh and a little warning. The site seems to like putting random letters in the middle of words. So if you see a word that doesn't look like a word at all, it wasn't my fault.)_

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**Chapter 10**

When I woke up Monday morning, the house was quiet and peaceful. Carlisle had to be at work early that morning and it felt a little strange to be completely alone. I rolled over in bed to find the wheelchair placed close to the bed and I smiled as I slowly sat up. As I pushed myself to the edge, it took a quick twist and a hop to get seated into the chair. After some thinking the night before, I realized that I was able to move around in small spaces without the chair. That was only as long as I didn't put myself in any awkward angles.

I skipped breakfast, settling for coffee and decided to spend the day reading one of my new books on the couch. Around lunch, I made myself a sandwich and returned to the living room and watched a movie. I ended up falling asleep just before the ending and woke up a few hours later to the sound of the front door closing. When I opened my eyes, I found Carlisle standing in the hallway looking at me.

"I apologize. I didn't realize you were asleep," he said, coming to stand in front of me as I pushed myself up into a sitting position on the edge of the couch.

"It's fine. I didn't mean to fall asleep anyways."

"Well, I have some news to tell you," he said with a smile. I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.

"Um, what is it?" I asked hesitantly.

"Dr. Malone would like you to come in tomorrow morning to get a look at your knee."

"Really? Okay," I said, thinking for a moment and then something finally clicked into place. "Wait… Does this mean…?" I started.

"It is a very good possibility," he said, his smile widening. Without thinking, I shot up off the couch and threw my arms around him. Realizing a moment too late that I could have really hurt myself in doing so, but was happy realize I didn't.

It took me another moment to realize the position I was in. I pulled away from him, noticing a strange pull to stay close to him, and blushed when I saw how stiff he looked.

"Sorry," I mumbled, moving away from him.

He laughed a little, his hand gently sliding across the top of my back as I turned to sit back down. "That's quite alright."

By the time the next morning came around, things still felt pleasantly well. It was a feeling that I couldn't quite explain. There was still so much left out, so many things that we still needed to talk about, but I was in no hurry. When the time came, we would deal with it, but I didn't want that to ruin everything. It seemed like all of the important things had been discussed.

I knew that he and Esme had separated, though I was unsure of the real reasons why. I knew the rest of the family was either in Alaska or traveling on their own, and no one had seen or talked to Edward. That last part worried me a little bit, but I just told myself that when he ended things, the reasons I had to care for his well being left with him. I wasn't sure how true that was though, but the fact that I wasn't as concerned as I had been reassured me.

Carlisle and I had discussed how Edward left me. Although I wasn't really sure if it was a good idea to talk about at first, once it was out, I was glad that I had let it out finally. So why ruin what was going good with things that seemed unnecessary? I was apparently living in a world of denial.

The appointment with Dr. Malone went well. I had, in fact, healed faster than he had originally planned. Just like Carlisle had said. I only needed to use crutches because my knee still had a bit of healing and adjusting to do and it would be weak for a while. I wouldn't even have the crutches for very long. That little fact had me smiling the whole way home.

During my visit with the doctor, Carlisle had left halfway through because of a phone call. I was pretty sure who it was and really didn't think anything on what it was about. However, once we had actually gotten back to the house, Carlisle seemed to be a little distant. I was sure he would be happy for me, but apparently I was wrong. I didn't know what to say. What could have been wrong? How do I even bring it up? So I didn't say anything at all. I'd figured if it was something serious, he would have come to me.

At dinner that night, I was sitting at the kitchen table, picking at my finger nails, and thinking about what my leg being healed meant. It meant that I could move on my own and do just about whatever I wanted. That thought lead to another and I started to over think everything. Several minutes later, I didn't know what to do at all.

Was I to leave willingly when I was completely healed? Was that what was expected of me? Would I see or speak with the rest of the Cullens by then? Would we all just go back to our separate lives? What were Carlisle's plans? What did he want to do?

I could feel my eyes burn at the complications and I noticed that Carlisle had stopped moving. When I glanced up to him, he was watching me with an expression that matched my tangled emotions. I opened my mouth to say something, though I wasn't sure what. Before I could get anything out, he excused himself. I just watched as he walked at a slow, human pace up the stairs with his head down and his hands in his pockets.

I finished my dinner slowly; barely picking through it with a feeling of regret growing steadily.

That night Carlisle returned to work and I couldn't sleep. I had attempted twice and each time resulted in me lying there for two hours with nothing but a growing head ache. I would get up, wander around and try again, but nothing worked. After the third failed attempt, I decided to take a tour of the rest of the house, the parts I couldn't access before because of the chair. The stairs were still a bit of a struggle, but with one crutch it was doable though it took a while.

I walked down a dark hallway, the only thing lighting it was the glow from the light in the living room. I stopped outside of the first door, pushing it open with a creak and it was a bit strange to find it completely empty. The curtains were pulled open and the light from the moon shown through, giving it a slightly haunted look. I pulled the door closed again and moved on to the next. I was not really surprised to find that all of the rooms were empty. All except for one.

I pushed the door open to Carlisle's study and I let out a little gasp at the sight of it. It was a complete mess. I moved in a little farther, flipping on a better light than the lamp that was left lit on the cluttered desk. The top of it was covered in papers and the floor had stacks of books and scattered papers. They were torn, crumpled up, and looked as if they were just tossed to the side. Drawers were left half open and though some of them seemed to be neatly organized, a few looked as if the items inside had been roughly gone through. I couldn't help but notice that it was so unlike his study back in Forks.

The couch on the left side of the room had clothes thrown onto it; some in balls, some neatly draped over the back. The garbage can between the couch and the desk was overflowing with even more wrinkled papers lying around it. There were bookshelves to my right with a few books on them, but it was mostly bare.

I was a bit shocked by the sight of the room and was curious as to why it looked the way it did. I walked over to the desk to get a better look and almost tripped over something. When I looked down, the rug that was spread across the middle of the floor was slightly out of place and bunched up at the edge. I took one more look around the room and suddenly felt like I was intruding on something personal, something I felt like I wasn't supposed to see. With that, I backed up slowly and left the room.

I made it back down the stairs without any problems and turned off the lights in the house on my way back to my room. For some reason, something about Carlisle's study and the house being so empty made me feel a little uneasy. I wasn't sure what I expected to see. Rooms filled with items of people who weren't there? Something to show a sign that the situation was more permanent? No, instead, all I got out of it was confirmation that there was something definitely bothering Carlisle.

That last thing I remember was glancing at the clock that read three a.m. before I had finally fallen asleep.

The next morning didn't have that same peaceful feeling as the one before. I felt a little strange as I got out of bed and got dressed. When I made my way into the kitchen, Carlisle was cooking pancakes and eggs for breakfast. I smiled at him when he looked in my direction as I made my way to the table, sighing in relief as I slid into the chair.

"Did you sleep well," he asked after a moment.

"Honestly, no. I couldn't sleep at all. But, being able to sit at the table like this feels a lot better than the wheelchair."

When his eyes meet mine, he looked concerned, but he tried to smile anyway. "Is something wrong? Is that why you couldn't sleep?"

"Not really," I shrugged as I let out yawn.

He said nothing more and a strange silence filled the rest of the day.

The next day I was sitting at the kitchen table alone reading the newspaper when an idea came to me. I decided that I wanted to try and get a job. I was sure there had to be something I could do while having to use the crutches. I hated spending every single day sitting around, doing nothing. But when I brought the idea up to Carlisle, he didn't have the same views.

"I think I would like to get a job," I said to him after breakfast was cleaned up and I was sitting in the living room.

His face stiffened a little, but he recovered quickly. "Why?"

"Well because I'm bored all the time for one. I think if I could get a job it would help. I'm sure the extra money could be useful too."

An awkward silence filled the room as he just stood there and stared at the floor. He opened and closed his mouth several times before finally giving me a small smile. "I can ask around the hospital if you would like."

I had felt like I had needed too much of his help already, but something like helping me find a job seemed a little different. "I would _really _appreciate that."

Friday morning started out slow. I didn't want to get out of bed at all and when I finally did, it was still early enough that Carlisle hadn't come home from work. I made coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, calling the two ads I had seen in the paper from the day before for places that were hiring. Unfortunately, I had zero luck.

I was pacing my room in irritation, which was kind of difficult to do with crutches, when Carlisle returned. At first I had thought he had gone straight up to his study because it was silent, but after a minute, I realized I was wrong.

"Bella, are you busy?" he called out from just outside of my room.

"Not unless you call walking back and forth while trying not to fall on your face busy," I replied with a smile and I was relieved when he appeared in my doorway and smiled back with a small laugh.

"Please, no more injuries," he said folding his arms across his chest and leaning against my doorframe.

"No promises," I said with a shrug.

"So, I have something to tell you," he said as his eyes shifted to the carpet.

"Okay," I said, my voice coming out quieter than before. I always assumed the worst when he started like that.

"Well, first, are you really sure about working?"

"Yes I am."

"Well, it turns out that the hospital had a receptionist quit rather suddenly this week. They are now searching for a replacement. However, when I told them I knew of someone, they said they are more than willing to give you a chance. There is a nurse by the name of Amelia that is rather fond of you and also recommended you for the position."

"Seriously? So…" I was completely shocked by his words.

"If you can answer phone calls, enter information into computers, file paperwork and other various duties of the same, the job is yours. You can start Monday."

"Oh! Thank you!" I squealed and one of my crutches went flying towards the floor with a loud crack. We both laughed and some of the tension had lifted a bit.

The rest of the day was spent sitting on the couch in the living room, discussing the job some more with Carlisle. He went over pretty much everything I would have to do while also telling me bits of some of the other things that happen around that section of the hospital. It sounded crazy, but I was excited about working there.

After a while of talking, Carlisle received a call and let me know he had to go to the post office. He had asked me if I wanted to go, but I declined. I realized that I had to do my laundry and decide what I would need to buy before I started work. I was just switching my clothes from the washer into the dryer when he returned. I met him in the living room to see him carrying in a large box.

"What's that?" I asked him as I sat next to the box on the couch. When I looked up to his face, he looked a little nervous.

"It's for you actually," he said as he shoved his hands into his pants pockets.

I panicked for a moment, wondering if it was maybe from Charlie. He hadn't said anything about it the last time we had talked and he wasn't usually one for surprises. So, it couldn't have been from him. I decided to just open it and hope it would help me figure out who it was from. I was sure if it was anything to really worry about, Carlisle would have let me know; even if his strange expression really wasn't all that convincing.

When I popped the flaps open and pushed them aside, my eyes widened as I gasped. There were several outfits folded nicely inside in a variety of dark colors. It took me a moment to register everything and when I did, I rolled my eyes.

"Alice," I groaned. I glanced up to Carlisle to see him still looking worried and I smiled. "Tell her I said thank you."

He smiled wide and happy and I couldn't help but smile even wider in return. I had missed his easy smile that had seemed to disappear over those last few days.

I opened the box more to get a better look and found another box inside. I took it out and hesitantly opened it, knowing that since it was from Alice, there could only be one other thing that she would include. There were a few pairs of jewelry neatly wrapped inside; three necklaces with bracelets and earrings to match. They were very casual and not very expensive looking and I smiled again, knowing Alice could have gotten carried away the way she normally would have, but she didn't.

After looking at them for a moment, I looked up and realized that I was alone and though it felt slightly strange, I knew that Alice would see me sitting there. I gave a quick smile and thumbs up to no one in particular, hoping that Alice would in fact see it and recognize it as me thanking her.

My first day of work went by really fast. I was showed to the desk I would be working at and given directions on how to answer the phone, how to take messages, how to forward calls and how to page doctors when necessary. Most of my morning was spent updating the files in the computer. On my lunch, I was given a full tour of all the areas I would be using. The afternoon was spent doing very much the same as my morning until I was free to go home. There wasn't a moment of time that was spent with nothing to do. With the previous receptionist leaving so quickly, there was a lot of catching up to do and I loved it.

After work, Carlisle picked me up and asked me how my first day was. I explained to him how wonderful it was and how much I enjoyed it. He then told me that he had talked to Alice and she was very pleased that I had liked the clothing she sent. Also she rather enjoyed the thumbs up. I, of course, blushed at the mention of that and tried not to laugh at the confused expression on Carlisle's face. Apparently Alice didn't elaborate. I just shrugged and smiled at him.

It was time for dinner by the time we reached the house. Since Carlisle enjoyed cooking so much, I didn't argue when he told me he was going to start cooking. I just sat at the stool at the island counter and watched. I was fascinated by how fast he chopped the vegetables before he put them in the pan and how quickly he moved around measuring and rinsing things. I was almost positive I would have my meals within five minutes if the speed of cooking was as fast as he was.

Once the food was finished, he put the plate in front of me and informed me that he needed to get ready for work.

"Why so early," I asked as I popped a piece broccoli into my mouth.

"My hours have switched around a bit because of the weather. It may cause a slight problem because on some days, our hours may not mix well."

"You'll be working some of the same hours as me?" I asked, confused about how a weather change would make him work the same hours as me.

"Yes, once or twice I think. Several doctors have asked for shift changes. Because there are some days I just cannot work, I volunteered for the ones I could work in order to keep the night schedule for when I need them. They are very unorganized here. I don't know how those people keep up with it."

"So I've noticed," I said with a small laugh and taking another bite. Once I swallowed, I added, "But I don't mind sticking around and waiting for you to get off on those days."

"I suppose we can just deal with that when it comes. Maybe, if you feel up to it, you could take the car and just come back to get me. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving you to wait around for a few hours." The idea of driving again made me a little nervous and my body stiffened at the thought. "But we can figure that out when the time comes," he added, obviously noticing my reaction.

I just nodded and thought of how I could maybe wait in one of the offices or a waiting room, reading until his shift ended.

When I was finished with my dinner, I rinsed my plate off in the sink and decided to take a shower before I started relaxing for bed. Once I was finished with my shower, I curled up in bed with my book and fell asleep before I even reached the second page.

After a few days, I fell into an easy routine. However, on Thursday, things changed a bit and I was surprised when Carlisle woke me up and hour earlier than I was used too. I was even more surprised when he informed that we would be going to work together because he started an hour earlier than I did.

The day was just like any other since I had started at the hospital. I sat at the desk, taking calls, typing patient information into the computer, and keeping busy. But seeing Carlisle often throughout the day was very different. Watching him at work was something I found to be extremely… distracting.

The way he smiled and greeted people and the way that, even though they looked unsure of him at first, they were instantly eased into comfort by his genuine kindness. It was strange watching him work when I wasn't the patient. I found my eyes often drawn to him whenever he passed by and sometimes even seeking him out, just watching the way he moved.

By the end of the day, I found that I was a little glad that he wouldn't always be working the same shift as me. I was just lucky that I had caught my many typos before anyone else had. I definitely had a hard time paying attention when he was around. That little fact was becoming quite a mystery to me, though I couldn't really find it in myself to complain.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Once again, this took longer to get out than I had planned. I'm having some difficulty getting this story from my mind and into the document. It's driving me crazy. This is shorter than I had planed, but I ended up cutting a lot out of the final draft. Nothing too important I promise.

So on with the story. Also, I should mention that I do, apparently, like to make my characters suffer. I know so many of you are wanting them to be together already, but I am sorry to mention that there are a few other obstacles that will be in their way. This chapter is leading towards another one of those obstacles. These two just don't seem to know how to communicate.

And a major thanks to TheUnderStudy for, not just beta'ing, but being a huge help with this story.

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**Chapter 11**

By the end of my first week, I was altogether exhausted and completely happy. That was, until I received a certain phone call from Charlie asking about my plans for my birthday. I wasn't sure how, but I had completely forgotten that it was less than a week away. That also caused me to worry about the possibility of someone else remembering it. The worry was short lived though when Carlisle brought it up during dinner on Sunday night.

"Any plans for this week," he had asked as he took a seat on the stool next to mine.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," I replied, not looking away from the mound of mashed potatoes I was making a giant crater into.

"Ah, of course not. How foolish of me to assume one would remember their nineteenth birthday," he replied and I could tell he was smiling even without looking at him.

I sighed before responding, "Believe me, I tried. I guess I was wrong to hope that maybe you had."

"I would say so. It's hard for me to forget anything; even if I wanted too. But if I may ask, why would you want me to forget your birthday?"

I turned to look at him with a brow raised. That was something I was sure would be obvious. "We're you not there for my last birthday?" I asked.

He didn't say anything at first. He just sighed and gave me a sad smile.

"Look, I'm not trying to bring up bad memories, Carlisle. Just… Would it be too much to ask for if I said I didn't want anything to be different for my birthday? I just want it to be like any other day."

"I suppose that would be alright," he said.

Yet, for some reason, I didn't believe for one second he wouldn't try anything.

x*O*x

As it turned out, I was right not to believe him. It wasn't too bad though. Actually, it was kind of nice. The morning started out with him wishing me a happy birthday as he made my favorite French toast breakfast. The day went by kind of slow, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was glad to see that either no one knew it was my birthday, or they had ignored it. I received a text from Renee halfway through the day, but I was glad to see that no one else had felt the need to contact me.

I was tired when I left work and was ready for a hot shower and my bed. Apparently, Carlisle had other ideas. When he picked me up from work, I immediately noticed something was off when he took a different turn and I started panicking.

"What's wrong?" he asked as my heart started pounding.

"Uh, where are we going?" I asked.

"To dinner," he said calmly before adding, "Nothing special. I promise."

Gratefully enough, he was right. It was a simple restaurant, nothing fancy and he did nothing special. We talked about our day and when my food arrived, we sat silently as I ate. On the drive home, he told me about one of his patients from the night before. It was a little boy that had gotten a Lego toy stuck in his ear. Apparently the mother thought the kid was asleep until he started screaming because he couldn't get the tiny piece out. The poor kid refused to tell them how he had gotten it stuck in the first place.

When we reached the house, we were both laughing about the four year old arguing with his mother about the truth. Once we were inside, I took my coat off and hung it in the closet, watching when he did the same.

"Thanks," I said, sliding my shoes off.

"For what?" he asked, looking a little unsure.

"For dinner and for not listening to me," I said with a smile.

"Oh," he laughed. "Well, I wasn't just going to do nothing. I felt that I needed to show you that your birthday should not be something to fear. I wanted you to have a good day and I figured simple was a good way to go."

"It was perfect. Thank you."

We both just stood there for a moment looking at each other before I yawned.

"Well, I think I am going to go take a nice hot shower and then relax. It's still early, but I'm exhausted."

"Okay. I have to be at work in about an hour, so I might be gone before you get out."

"Oh yeah," I said, feeling a little awkward and not knowing what else to say.

"Well, you have a good night, Bella and sleep well. I am very glad to hear that you had a good birthday," he said as he touched my shoulder gently before passing me.

I breathed out a sigh and walked towards the bathroom.

x*O*x

At work on Monday, I bumped into Dr. Malone. It was embarrassing because I had actually thumped one of my crutches into him and knocked a small stack of folders in his hands to the ground.

"Oh my- I'm so sorry!" I squealed out.

I tried to bend down to help him pick them up, but ended up dropping the same crutch on the ground. It took me a minute to realize that it had landed on his foot. _Are you kidding me? _

"I'm fine, Isabella, really. I've been a doctor for twenty years. You'd be surprised how much my feet have taken over the years," he said with a small smile.

"I'm still sorry," I mumbled as I blushed, keeping a firm grip on each wooden stick.

"Not a problem. Actually, now that I think of it, when is your lunch?" he asked, eyeing the crutches and my knee.

"In about ten minutes," I answered, curious as to what he wanted.

"Perfect. Why don't you head on over to my office during that time. I'd like to check out your leg. I think it might actually be time to get rid of those things."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. I told you it shouldn't be too long."

"That would be great," I said, smiling like an idiot.

"Alright, see you then."

The next ten minutes went by ridiculously slow, but it was totally worth the wait. When Dr. Malone had me stand on both legs, putting pressure on the left and shifting back and forth, there was no pain at all. It was a little stiff, but he said that it shouldn't last very long. It was nice being able to walk on both legs, even if I had to limp a little. Having full use of my arms while walking was great too.

Carlisle was a little shocked to see me without them when he came to pick me up.

"Bella, where are you crutches?" he asked as soon as I opened the car door.

"Gone for good," I replied, smiling as wiggled my knee.

"Did you speak with Dr. Malone?" he asked, watching my movements.

"Yes, of course I did. After I tried to kill him with them, he decided to take them away," I said with a little laugh.

I tried rephrasing my words when Carlisle eyes widened, but it only caused me to laugh harder.

"I accidentally bumped into him and he had me meet him during my lunch. He said that my knee would be a little stiff, but it's perfectly healed. I need to keep the brace on for a little longer though. I think to make sure it doesn't twist in any… unhelpful ways." I shrugged.

I hadn't really paid much attention to that part. I was just happy to walk freely again.

x*O*x

The next day, Carlisle and I worked the same shift again. It had gone much like the last time; my eyes followed him everywhere, watching him work when I could. I think I was finally starting to understand that there was something wrong with me. The only difference that day was there was a longer wait period between when our shifts ended. I had a good three hours in between. Considering the weather was horrible, I almost took the offer to drive home, but decided to take a walk in the rain. It was something I hadn't done it a while and I actually enjoyed it.

I realized how much I missed actually living in town and being able to walk around in an area that wasn't surrounded by forest. I looked in store windows as I passed by, watched people run around in the rain, and wished I could do that more often. After a few blocks, I was just about to turn around and head back when I spotted an apartment complex. It was small, but had a really nice look to it. It was a little way back from the street, surrounded by trees. I looked around a little more when I spotted a large 'For Rent' sign. There were one and two bedroom apartments available and I couldn't help but think that a one bedroom would be perfect for me.

I tried to shove the thought away as I made my way back towards the hospital, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't help but wonder if it would be a good thing to move out. Was it time? Would it make things easier? After all, it was something I had thought of often. I was only supposed to stay with him until I was healed. I was pretty sure losing my crutches was the last step. Moving out would help the next step. If he wanted to leave, he would be free to do so. However, if he wanted to stay, he wouldn't being doing it because I needed him to. It would be showing him that I supported whatever decision that would be made. It would also show that I was strong enough to support myself regardless.

I decided to think about it a little more before I brought it up to him.

x*O*x

Another week had come and gone and it was becoming obvious that something was definitely bothering Carlisle still. He was acting strange and distant. It was getting worse as time went on. He would often act like there was something he wanted to say, but then he would just walk away or say something random. It was starting to worry me, but I didn't want to say anything. If I was being honest, I was afraid of what it could have been. Obviously we had some communication problems and they weren't getting any better.

The following week there was another day that he worked the same shift as me. I was equally enjoying it and hating it more and more. I was driving myself crazy. This day he seemed to be busier because he was actually taking the place of a doctor who had gotten sick at the last minute. My eyes seemed to be glued to him the whole time.

Around the afternoon, he had taken his white coat off and was just wearing a light blue, long sleeved shirt. It was just tight enough to give my imagination an idea of what was underneath. His black slacks hugged him in all the right places and as he walked. I couldn't stop myself from watching his legs, step by step. I found myself losing all trails of coherent thought as I watched him move.

I followed his hands as they moved into his pockets as he talked and later I watched as he filled out some charts. His eyes darted back and forth quickly across the paper as he focused. After a few moments, he looked up at me and smiled. I couldn't help the blush that burned my face, but luckily he looked away before he could see it. I was distracted for a moment when I noticed one of the nurses staring at him. My stomach clenched and I grew very irritated. I just couldn't tell if it was with myself or the nurse.

That night I fell asleep easily. I had dreams about working in the hospital. That was nothing new. But that night, they shifted into something a little _different_.

It started out with me walking the halls of the hospital, fiddling with a folder that I needed to have a doctor look over because they had forgotten the patient release information. When I turned the corner to enter the office, I paused and was a little shocked to see Carlisle standing there much like he had that day at work. I slowly entered the room, watching as he turned to smile at me.

Things kind of went fuzzy from there. One moment he was looking at the paperwork in the folder and next I was pressed against his desk with his hands all over me. Clothing was being removed, small noises of pleasure filled the air and I was completely lost in him. It went much farther than the previous dream. The next thing I knew, his hands were on my bare flesh, his mouth was on my throat as he thrust against me and I moaned out his name, loud and deep.

Much like the last dream, I awoke with a start and also like before, I knew there was a damn good chance that I had said his name out loud. The worst, I realized only moments after I sat up and took in the site of my tangled sheets, was I _knew_ that Carlisle was home.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Wow, it seems like its been forever since I last updated. I am really sorry for the long wait, but school has been keeping me pretty busy. It doesn't help that I'm an idiot and completely forgot that I had this one already written and sitting in the folder for like three weeks while I was stuck on Chapter 13. Well, here it is and while editing I got a bit of inspiration for Chapter 13 too. Which, by the way, is Carlisle's POV. =)

As always, a huge thanks to TheUnderStudy for all her help with this story. I'm positive it would be a pile of shit without her.

Also, I wanted to thank all my readers again. You are all awesome and I am so glad that you enjoy my story enough to keep reading it. And thanks for your patience while it has been taking me forever to get things written out.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

I'd sat in a panic for an immeasurable amount of time. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for; some sound to show that he was in fact home or for him to check on me like he had the last time. Nothing happened. When I finally controlled my heartbeat, I glanced at the clock. This only caused the pace of my heart to pick back up again. It was a quarter to six, which meant that it was almost time to leave for work. For a moment, I'd wished that more than anything that I could call in and never leave my room again.

It had become obvious that that would never happen because as I lied there, I was actually afraid to close my eyes. I stared at the ceiling, willing time to just fade away, but it didn't. At least, not the way I had wanted it too. At about twenty minutes to seven, the worst thing possible happened. Carlisle came to wake me up and my body went tense as he knocked on the door.

"C-Come in," I mumbled, keeping my eyes on the ceiling and for a moment. It felt like we were back to those first few days together, when I wanted to avoid him. Only now, it was for completely different reasons.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice low and tense. I knew right then that I had my answer.

I glanced quickly at him and noticed that his eyes were darker than usual. A lot darker. I knew that meant nothing good.

"Fine," I whispered as I turned my head away from him. "I'll start getting ready."

He nodded once and hesitated a little before leaving. I briefly thought of suffocating myself with a pillow.

I took a shower before dressing quickly and put off going downstairs for as long as I could. Eventually, time ran out and I headed downstairs for just a cup of coffee before it was time to leave. The ride to the hospital was the most awkward moment that had ever passed between us. We didn't talk; we didn't even look at each other. I knew that he knew and I was actually glad he hadn't tried to talk about it.

We passed the apartments that I was looking at before and I saw that the 'For Rent' sign was still in place. I took another look, just glancing around before turning and looking forward again. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Carlisle's hands grew tighter on the steering wheel. I looked up to his face to see that his jaw was set and his body tense. I was about to ask what was wrong, though I wasn't sure I wanted to know the reason. Before I could even open my mouth, we had pulled up to the hospital.

"Have a nice day and I will be back on time to pick you up," he said as I got out of the car. I turned to look at him for a moment, but he didn't even really acknowledge me, so I closed the door and he sped away.

o*X*o

The next day went about the same as the day before. Carlisle avoided me at any chance he could and it was starting to worry me. I couldn't help but think it was related to the dream and I was so angry at myself for my imagination going where it had. I felt horrible along with being embarrassed about it and at some points, I even felt like throwing up when I thought about him hearing me .

After he had left for work that night, I sat at the kitchen table in silence. I drank a warm cup of tea, thinking things over. I hated the idea that he was angry over a dream and hoped that wasn't the case. However, what else could have explained the look on his face when he had come into my room? I wasn't even sure if he was breathing at the time.

What if it was more? I had to ask myself _that. _Things had been going so well. It had been easy to spend time together and talk. I hated to think that a stupid dream could ruin all of that and I kept asking myself if there _was _more. What if I was just too slow to realize the things he had picked up?

I thought of the way I watched him move around at the hospital, the way my heartbeat changed when I saw him after not seeing him for a while, the times I smiled whenever he looked at me, and how he always knew how to make me feel better. He made me feel safe and, even at times, strong when I would normally feel weak. Then there was that feeling I'd get when with him, or touching him, that made me want to always keep him by my side.

It was right in that moment that it all suddenly made sense.

I was falling in love with Carlisle.

The sound of glass shattering on the floor pulled me out of my thoughts and I realized that I had dropped my cup of tea. I walked quickly to the counter to get the towel to clean up the puddle and to carefully pick up the glass. Unfortunately, a sharp corner sliced through the skin of my finger. I sat on my knees, completely still and watched as a drop of blood flowed from the tip of my finger and down to the palm of my hand. My tears broke free and I cried.

The reasons for Carlisle to be avoiding me suddenly made a lot of sense. I had ruined everything. He knew I was growing feelings for him. He didn't want that. _Of course, why would he? After all, it would all be over soon anyways, _a voice said bitterly in the back of my mind. It made sense for him to pull away from me. He was a kind man and maybe he hoped I would get the point without him having to say anything. To make matters worse, he was my ex-boyfriend's father. Of all people for me to feel something for after my heart was shattered, it was him; another vampire.

I pulled my knees to my chest and sat there for a long time just crying over what a disaster my life had become. Again.

o*X*o

When I woke up the next morning, I was already in the kitchen drinking coffee with the newspaper by the time Carlisle had gotten home. I tried to ignore the way my heart picked up at his footsteps, but I knew there was no hiding it from him and I just tried to shift my attention elsewhere. I had almost forgotten that I had wanted to leave early and once I had my things gathered, I let him know. He looked a little confused for a moment, but then his face turned serious before he nodded.

He repeated his words from the day before, but then surprised me by asking me if I wanted to go out for dinner after work. I agreed of course, but I was confused. I tried not to let it worry me though.

Once Carlisle was out of sight, I headed towards the direction of the apartments to call the number on the sign. After the realization the night before, it seemed the best thing to do and I'd made my decision. I left a message for them to call me back on my lunch hour and if they couldn't, to leave a voicemail with the best time to contact them.

I had reached the hospital with just enough time to get inside and the rest of the day went by slowly. I was jumpy and tense. I had tripped at least three times, dropped things and made quite a few errors on a few files, but was only happy that I had caught them. At lunch, I was sitting outside on a bench under a tree, drinking a bottle of water as I read when my phone rang. It was the apartment manager.

We discussed the available apartments and the rent along with deposits and other fees and information. Once I had heard that the one bedroom was in my price range, I made the final decision and told the woman I wanted it. We set up a time for that weekend to meet, check the place out and go over any questions or concerns. After that, the rest of the day went great. That was until Carlisle came to pick me up.

The drive was silent as he led the way to a restaurant. I wasn't sure why he had decided to go out again, but I didn't speak. I was afraid that any words that would come out of my mouth would only make things worse. I was so nervous, that I didn't realize I hadn't looked at the name of the building until we were already inside. Once we had sat down, I stared at the table, afraid to look at him. Then when the menus came, I couldn't even read the words and had no idea what I wanted. I wasn't even sure I was hungry.

I could feel Carlisle's eyes on me and I hesitantly lowered the menu to look up at him. Neither of us got a chance to say anything because the waitress showed up at the same moment. I ordered some kind of pasta and we were both still silent after the waitress left. Then at the same time we both opened our mouths to speak.

"Go head," he said softly when I had closed my mouth again, but I just shook my head.

"That's fine. You go first." I had no idea what I was going to say anyways, so it was best I didn't even try.

With a sigh, he folded his hands on the table. "How was your day?" he asked.

"It was good," I said with a shrug. For some reason, I couldn't even remember what had happened during the day. "How was yours?"

"Not that great," he said as he turned to look out of the window. The sun was setting and the sky was different shades of grey. I was sure there would be another rain storm that night.

"Why, what happened?" I asked when he didn't continue.

"I don't really want to talk about it," he answered, still not looking at me.

I opened my mouth to try again, but decided against it. I didn't want to make him angry or irritated so I just stared off down the walkway to watch for when the waitress would return. He had obviously not wanted to open up to me and that made me feel worse. I felt tears prick my eyes as I turned my head towards the window again, watching it slowly grow darker outside. I wondered how I could fix things, but nothing came to mind. I couldn't believe how clueless I could be when I really needed answers.

After a few minutes, the waitress returned with my dinner and I started to eat. The silence surrounded me like a thick blanket. I started to feel suffocated and by the third bite, I could barely swallow let alone chew. I took a breath and felt it shake my body. I was close to losing it. I quickly decided to excuse myself to the bathroom before I fell apart at the table.

As soon as the door was closed behind me, the tears poured. My throat closed off and choked and coughed as I leaned against the sink. I avoided the mirror and just stared down the drain, wishing it would just reach up and swallow me whole. I couldn't really describe how I felt except that everything just felt wrong.

I wasn't supposed to fall in love ever again. I definitely wasn't supposed to fall for Carlisle. I was supposed to let my leg heal and then leave again. They were supposed to move away and forget about me. Not only was everything I had believed for almost a year a lie, but it had me so confused I didn't even know where to begin with finding the answers. Then, to top it all off, I was falling in love with Carlisle. I didn't want to leave him and I didn't want him to leave me. But what were the chances of him ever seeing me more of anything other than a daughter? _And that dream…_ I thought with a groan. How could I ever have dreamed something like that?

I was a mess and it seemed clearer than before that getting that apartment was the right thing to do. Whether I wanted to be away from him or not, it didn't matter. Nothing was the same anymore and that much was more obvious than anything.

Once I quieted the sobs, I splashed some cold water on my face, hoping it would help, and went back out to the table. I barely ate anything and after a while of picking, the waitress brought the check. I let Carlisle know that I was ready to go. The ride home was spent with me staring out into the darkness as I thought of ways to bring up moving to Carlisle.

I couldn't help but think that maybe I was making more out of it than it was. Maybe he thought it was time for me to go too. Either way, I couldn't find the words.

When we got to the house, I went straight to my room. I did not even wait for him to close the door, but mumbling a quick thanks for dinner. I took a shower and changed into my sweatpants and old t-shirt. I paced my room for a while before finally deciding that I couldn't wait anymore. I made my way to the living room, but noticed he wasn't there. I went up to his study, knowing there wouldn't be any other place for him to be.

I knocked on the closed door and waited for a moment before he told me to come in.

"Do you need something?" he asked with his back to me as he messed with something on his desk.

"Yes," I mumbled.

He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me as he leaned against his desk. I looked around and chose to sit in the chair to the side of the room. I folded my arms across my lap before bringing a hand up to my face and taking a deep breath.

"I found an apartment and I'm looking into it," I said and realized that I maybe could have chosen my words better. He didn't say anything as he stared at the floor and I added, "I think it's time I move out."

"Why?" he asked, his voice quiet and strained.

I looked up at him and whispered, "I'm healed. I was only supposed to stay until then. I appreciate everything you have done for me and what you continue to do for me, but I think this would be best." '_And I don't think I can stand being here feeling what I feel and knowing you could never feel the same,' _I added mentally.

"Why do you think that?" he asked as he pushed off the desk and crossed his arms against his chest. "Does this house not feel that it could be your home? Do you not have enough room? Would you like a different room? You can have anything you'd like and you can do what whatever you'd like in this house."

His words weren't quite what I expected and I found that same feeling from the restaurant creeping up again.

"Because it would be best," I said, but not as convincing as I would have liked it to be.

"Why?" he asked again as he turned to look at me.

I stood up and paced a little before stopping in front of him.

"I need to be on my own." I could feel my eyes slowly blurring as the tears started to fill them. "I have a meeting the day after tomorrow."

His eyes widened. "Why so soon?"

"Because it's available," I answered with a shrug. "If I like it, I can move in as soon as possible." I was picking at my nails as I spoke, looking just past him without even really seeing him. It caught me off guard when he reached for my hand.

"You don't have to go," he said softly.

"Yes, I do," I choked.

"Why?" He asked and I could barely hear his voice.

I could only shake my head as I grew tempted to look at him, but I knew I would get sucked into those beautiful golden eyes. There was no way I could resist him.

"I need too," I whispered as I looked down at my feet.

His other hand reached out and touched my face and my eyes fell closed. Tears were trailing down each of my cheeks. When I opened them again, he was staring at me, closer than before. His eyes, just as I knew they would be, glowed in the dim lighting of the room as they locked with mine, freezing me in place. He moved just a little closer and I shivered at the contact before I felt his soft, cool lips press against my damp cheek.

My eyes fell closed again as he pulled away and I felt myself slowly breaking all over again. I shook my head mumbling the words "I can't" as I walked quickly out of his room.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **It's been too long since I updated and I'm sorry for that. I was having hard time balancing school with everything else and just kind of lost inspiration to write for a while. The other day, I went back and tried to reread the last chapter and suddenly it all came back, plus a bit more. The next chapter is already with my beta, so it won't be too long of a wait before 14 is up and 15 is already halfway done. 

A big thanks to my beta, TheUnderStudy, for all her help**.**

I hope you guys like this chapter. Let me know. =)**  
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**Chapter 13  
**_Carlisle's POV_

_What the hell did I just do? _ I asked myself as I stood frozen, watching Bella walk away.

I couldn't quite figure out just when things started spiraling so far out of control that I had completely lost my grasp on it all. Never had I been so at a loss for words, or thoughts on my actions, in my whole existence. It was like I was suddenly feeling like a twenty-three year old human instead of a centuries old vampire.

_I had nearly kissed her! _My mind screamed at me as I ran my hands through my hair and stared at the doorway long after she had entered her room. It felt like part of me was hoping she would just reappear and we could continue talking. Maybe I could apologize, but that was impossible. She was in her bed, tossing and turning. I was such a fool.

I could almost hear her quiet sobs echoing through my head as they had back and the restaurant. I pulled at my hair as I turned and looked at the mirror. When had I become such a coward? The man staring back at me looked like the man I used to be the calm, collected, intelligent man who had an answer for everything. I used to be so sure of things, confident even. There was never anything I didn't believe I could handle. But Bella Swan… She shattered everything I knew. She made me unrecognizable to myself.

I couldn't be angry at her for any of it, though. No, I could never be angry with her. It was my entire fault. How was she to know anything that went on inside my own head if I never said anything to her about it? She didn't hear me tearing apart my office in hopes for removing her from my thoughts. She didn't see my nervous reaction every time she was in the same room as I. She didn't know how confused I was. I had the horrible benefit of hearing and seeing the things that she would expect to be hidden. Things that no normal, human man would see. And yet, I did nothing about it.

I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to keep looking at myself. My body may never change, but my heart and mind sure could. They were changing as such a chaotic rate that I was sure that I was losing a bit of my sanity. I opened my eyes again and with a low growl, I swung my hand towards the mirror and watched as it slid from the wall and shattered on the floor.

I took a step back and glanced around the room. Never had I let my study get as disastrous as it was. I wondered if that was something Bella had noticed. I knew she had been in here the night after she had gotten her crutches. Though her scent was dull, it was there. I found myself curious of her reaction to see the mess, but I never thought to ask her what she was even doing. I seemed to have such a hard time even speaking to her normally. _Coward._

I should have told her long ago that I knew she would be leaving me. I should have said something then, when I found out. If I had, maybe she would never have looked into the apartments she was planning on moving into. Alice had warned me weeks ago that Bella would be leaving me. I never knew just how to bring it up, if I should bring it up, or when the time was right. It angered and saddened me to think that she had the idea to leave and never brought it up to me until just days before she would be leaving.

Somehow, deep inside, I thought that she would never leave. I didn't want to believe it, but that fact was, she _was _leaving; she was choosing to leave. And when she is gone, there will be nothing. No soft thrumming of her heart that always helped to calm my mind. No peaceful, companionable silence that I found comfort in everyday. There would be no beautiful morning smiles, no more eyes glowing with joy at a small joke, and her sweet scent that filled the house would be gone. All of it, _gone._ Bella… _My Bella._

I froze in the middle of the floor as everything suddenly came crashing down on me. Everything I had been searching for or wondering about had finally made sense. I turned and looked back at the doorway. In my mind, I saw her walking away again. Only I pictured her walking out the front door, walking away from me and never returning.

There was a painful ache that shot through my chest. It was right where my heart should have been, sharp like a bolt of lightning. It was just how I felt at the restaurant that had me unable to move under the pain. I winced as it throbbed and I felt the sudden need to grab and hold onto something. It was almost as if my world was coming apart all around me.

Not only was I a coward, I was blind. All the time that had passed and I had never once thought that Bella Swan could have come to mean more to me than just a friend. It was so much more than that. It was far past me caring for her, it was even more than just falling in love with her. I _was_ in love with her.

"Such a fool," I whispered and I clutched my at shirt the space over my silent heart.

I walked over to the window and stared out at the dark sky for a moment before opening it. A cool breeze whipped across my cheek with a light mist from the rain. I tilted my head up, the large window allowing the rain to fall against me. My eyes fell closed as I just stood as still as a statue.

Just as a crack of thunder filled the sky, a small whimper echoed up the stairs and through the hall, causing my body to turn immediately in her direction. It seemed as though, once I had finally realized the truth of my feelings for Bella, it was natural to move towards her. Without even having the thought cross my mind, I was down to her room, slowly opening the door. Lightning flashed as I stood there for a moment watching her. Her hands were in fists as another whimper filled my ears and her head jerked to the right. I moved to the bed and leaned over her, running the back of my hand across her soft skin of her cheek in hopes to help remove the distressed look from her face.

In an instant, she relaxed and breathed a sigh. I knew right then, she could never leave me and I could never leave her. I wouldn't allow it.

I spent the night on her bed, watching her sleep, as I thought through the ways I could ask her to stay. Things had been a bit tense between us and it seemed like everything that happened played more to that. The one thing we were the worst at was communicating. I could not let that stop us any longer. I had to step in, search for some of the confidence that seemed to have just disappeared and tell her everything I felt. I had hope that she felt the same.

Her dreams were what gave me that hope. I felt terrible that I was able to overhear such a personal thing. But I couldn't deny the affect it had over me. I just couldn't believe that I didn't realize my feelings then. I had assumed it was just an attraction, a feeling any man would feel to hearing a beautiful woman calling out his name in her sleep. But, then again, I had never experienced such thing. Esme couldn't sleep and, even if she could have, I had a feeling that it would have never been me she would see in her dreams.

Having Bella say my name, over and over, was… exciting. I remembered that night. I was sitting in my chair, staring at my desk, hoping it would have the answers I needed. I wasn't sure of what I heard at first. I had thought she was actually calling for me. But then I noticed her heart beat and her breathing just before she said my name again, only louder. I froze and for a moment, I allowed myself to wonder what she could have possibly been dreaming of. What were in those visions that had her calling out that way?

The next morning, I was almost too afraid to go into her room, but she wasn't showing as signs of leaving it. She knew I was home and that I had to of heard her. Her embarrassment was unbearable as I went inside her room, but I had a hard time concentrating once I had opened the door. The scent of her arousal filled my senses. The sight of her on the bed with the sheets twisted and her hair a mess… It took all of my self control not to make her dream, after I had guessed what it was about, a reality.

I lost myself in that memory and I realized that Bella was starting to wake up. I shifted slowly off the bed and walked out of her room, taking one last look in her direction before closing the door. It was as I reached the stairs something else clicked into place. The night a few weeks before, I was out hunting and had come home to Bella looking very much the same after this recent dream. I had assumed she was dreaming about Edward, but, after that last dream, could I have been wrong? Could she of dreamt of me then too?

The rest of the morning was spent listening to Bella slowly wake up and start to get ready. As I waited for her leave her room, I thought of when my feelings for Bella first formed. Images of my first meeting with Bella in the hospital room filled my mind. It was after the accident with the van, when Edward had almost revealed us… I remember walking into that room and was completely distracted by her at first, but focused on being professional. I had thought nothing of it though.

After that, the next time I had seen her was when she had come to our home with Edward to be formally introduced. She had belonged to Edward and I was married to Esme. To even think about the girl was wrong. But I admit that I had when I was alone, but just for a moment. It was such a confusing time. Not being able to explain the enjoyment I felt at thinking of her, or being around her. I had thought then that it was just my happiness at seeing Edward finally finding his mate. However, the thoughts were also of concern and worry. My son, who had spent so long alone, had fallen in love with a human. So of course, it seemed normal for me to think of her, but perhaps it was more.

I could only assume that the events that had taken place since she became a part of our family had put aside those strange feelings for her. My strong fear for her life could have been more than just worrying for my son's human mate. I had always had the same feeling when she walked into the room. Her smile always made me feel a slight warmth flow thought me. How did Edward not pick up my thoughts? How did he not see it? How did I not see it?

As I cleaned off my desk, I thought of something I could not believe had slipped my mind before. Edward.

I wondered how I could have let myself fall for my son's mate. She was his; there was no way she could belong with me. I leaned back in my chair and looked out the window again thinking on what I was supposed to do, how it was supposed to work. I could hear the water from the shower shutting off and I sighed. Just as I looked back towards my desk, my phone beeped. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and saw that I had a new message blinking on the screen. It was a text from Alice that simply said, "_You have to tell her._"

I set the phone down on my desk and stood up. It had to be done. I couldn't keep it in any longer. Everything else would just have to be dealt with at another time. My time with Bella was growing short. I walked out of my study and down the stairs quickly and started a pot of coffee for Bella. I wondered if she wanted breakfast or if she would skip it again. I decided I would make her something anyways.

When she came into the room, a sense of peace fell over me and I smiled. I was curious how I had never noticed the strength of it before. I thought of how I would bring it up. Would I just simply say, _"Bella, you can't move. I'm in love with you?" _That didn't seem right. I would start by telling her that I really wanted her to stay. If that didn't work, I would tell her I _needed_ her to stay. That sounded best.

I turned to smile at her as she got a cup and poured coffee into it. I was actually surprised to find her smiling in return. After the night before, I was worried she would still be upset.

"Good morning, Bella," I said as I handed her a plate of bacon, eggs and toast.

"Oh, thank you. I wasn't planning on breakfast, but it smells wonderful," she said and took a sip of coffee before walking to the table.

I watched her for a moment. I wasn't sure bringing up while she was eating was such a good idea, but if I didn't, I would have to wait until after she got off work. I didn't have much time to try and convince her, but I could wait until then. It seemed best not to rush it and it would give me enough time to calm myself. I didn't realize I was so nervous until Bella cleared her throat and I noticed that I had been pacing.

"Is everything alright, Carlisle?"

"Yes. Well, I hope so." I smiled as I looked at her. She nodded once and returned to eating. I watched her for a moment. Her long brown waves still damp from her shower fell loosely around her shoulders. Her cheeks where a bit pink and I remembered she liked the water to be extra hot for her showers. She read the newspaper as she crossed her right leg over the left and swung it slowly as she chewed her food. I hoped that whatever mood she was in lasted throughout the day, because I wanted our conversation to go as easily as it can.

While driving her to work, it was silent, but I think I preferred it that way. I was too busy worrying over all the worse case scenarios to form a coherent sentence if I had too. Once I dropped her off, she gave me a sweet smile and told me to have a good day. I replied with the same and the usual bit about picking her up. I watched her walk through the entrance before I drove away.

Once I was home, I finished cleaning my study. I did it at a human pace hoping it would help time pass. After that, I cleaned the mess in the kitchen from breakfast. When that was done, I tried to call Alice to see if she had any advice. I was hoping she would have something useful to tell me, that maybe she had seen something that would give me a clue on how my conversation with Bella would go. For whatever reason, she didn't answer though. I couldn't ever remember a time Alice didn't answer her phone and I was curious, but didn't worry. I decided to go for a long hunt and call her when I returned.

I went farther than I usually would for hunting, but I needed something to pass time. I passed a few deer as I ran further into the hills, hoping for something larger. It didn't take too much time before I found a nice sized mountain lion. He put up a good fight and I admit that I played a little before finally snapping his neck and draining him. It wasn't something I usually did, but on the occasion when I was alone, I did enjoy it.

Two hours later, I made my way back to the house and took a shower to clean the dirt and blood. After I was dressed, I tried calling Alice again, but she still didn't answer. By that time it was getting closer to the time to pick up Bella and I decided to head there early.

During the drive there, I thought over Bella's relationship with Edward. I wondered how, after them being together, if Bella and I could really have anything. If she was Edward's mate and he returned, there was no chance of it ever working. Then a something that hadn't occurred to me before suddenly had me curious. _What if she wasn't Edward's mate?_

Sure, she was terribly upset by him leaving, but if he was really her mate, there was no way he would have been able to leave her for so long without coming back. You don't have to be mates to have love hurt the way it did for them, so there was a chance, though a very small one, that they weren't mates at all. But that would mean…

The beeping from my phone interrupted my thoughts and I was a bit surprised to see a text from Alice. However, the words I read surprised me the most.

"_He lied._"

I stared straight ahead for a moment, lost in the meaning of those two words. _What did he lie about?_ I asked myself over and over. Before I could reply though, I pulled into the hospital parking lot and caught a scent that shattered every ounce of hope and determination I had built that morning.

_Edward._


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Well here's chapter 14, hope you all like it. Chapter 15 is almost done, if I can get Carlisle to cooperate. It seems that only I can take someone as strong and as in control as Carlisle and make him a mess.

As always a major thanks to my awesome beta, TheUnderStudy.

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**Chapter 14**  
_Bella's POV_

That night was horrible. There was a storm going on outside and the crashing of the thunder and the flashing of the lightening was keeping me up most the night. I wasn't sure if it was just my emotions mixed with exhaustion or the storm, but I was almost convinced that one of the crashes I'd heard had actually come from upstairs. I ignored it though and once I had finally drifted off, a terrible dream filled my vision.

Edward had showed up at the house I was currently sharing with Carlisle. He was curious to the reason of us being there together alone and assumed the worst. Carlisle was at work and Edward's unusual anger was a bit scary. When I tried to deny all of his accusations of me feeling anything for Carlisle, he called me out on my lies. He told me that I had only wanted him to get to his father. He called me cruel names and told me that I was going to destroy their family; that I had already begun to do that since Carlisle and Esme were no longer together because of me. He told me that it was a mistake for me to have ever moved to Forks and that it was a mistake for him to have ever gotten close to me – a mistake for in love with me.

I couldn't do anything but agree; since it was the same thing I had blamed myself for all along. I was destroying their family. They all would have been better off without me and it was all a mistake. However, hearing him say the words crushed me. I tried to tell him that none of it was a lie, that I had truly loved him until he left me behind. He accused me of getting over him too quickly and I told him that I wished he could read my mind and see just how long it took me to move on. I wanted him to see how I was still scared to move on fully because I didn't want the heartbreak that I was sure would eventually come.

He moved closer to me and threatened to remove the problem so their family could go back to the way it was before me. As I realized that "the problem" was me, I tried to move away, but he was too quick and I found myself pinned to the wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carlisle return and pause in the doorway as he watched what Edward was doing. The rage that crossed his face caused my body to shiver. Before I could even blink, he was on Edward, pulling him off. I fell to the ground and then a strange sense of peace filled my mind and body. The rest of the night was filled with a calm, dreamless sleep.

I awoke in the morning feeling refreshed, which was strange considering the dream I'd had, but I didn't let it bother me. Though the dream seemed real and mostly true, I knew Edward would never physically harm me. That was the one thing I was sure of. The rest however, had me curious, but I focused mostly on the relaxed feeling I felt as I rose from bed and got ready for my day.

When I made my way into the kitchen, Carlisle was already at work making breakfast and had a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me. There was something different about him, something was definitely missing. As he turned around and smiled that bright, beautiful smile of his, I realized what it was: that tense, distance was gone from him. Instead, he too looked relaxed and happy. I smiled in return and sat down at the table to enjoy my breakfast and read the newspaper.

I was curious about the change in him, but didn't want to question it in fear of it going away. The ride to work was the same as the morning had gone. There was no awkwardness at all. When we said our goodbyes, he had actually waited until I was inside to drive away. I had a smile on my face as I made me way to my desk and got to work.

About halfway through the day though, my negative thoughts returned. I couldn't help but wonder why the change had come so suddenly. It was then I realized I had nearly forgotten that I had told him about me moving the night before. I didn't want to think it, but I couldn't stop it from taking over my thoughts. Was he happy that I was moving? Was this his way to show that? He didn't see happy the night before as he tried to convince me there was no need to leave, but I could have been wrong. I was almost always wrong as it was anyways.

The day moved on quickly and easily. I still felt relaxed and stress free. That was when I wasn't thinking about Carlisle. Thoughts of him always had me turning in circles and I was surprised I wasn't permanently dizzy. I was either really happy when thinking of him, or sad – usually a mixture of the two. Yes, I was a mess.

As the day was nearing its end, I was just happy to go home. I realized that the lack of communication between Carlisle and I was doing more harm than good. Nothing was going to ever get dealt with until we talked and were completely honest with each other. The honesty, though, was something I wasn't sure about. Even if he could already tell, I didn't think I could tell him how I felt about him. I couldn't handle rejection. I was positive that if I told him I was falling in love with him. Knowing him, he'd let me down in his nicest, sweetest way because he didn't feel the same. It would destroy me.

I had just finished entering some of the information into the computer when one of the nurses came in from her break to tell me that someone outside was looking for me.

"Hey, Bella," she called out. She usually worked the night shift, so I rarely ever saw her or had the chance to learn her name. I was a bit confused to how she knew mine.

"Um, yeah?" I answered as I stood from the desk and walked over to her.

"There's someone out there looking for you."

"Who is it?" I asked, confused. The only person who I knew would ever come see me was Carlisle, but he would just come inside and the nurse would know his name.

"He didn't say, but he asked if you were a patient. I told him you worked here and he looked a little surprised and relieved." She laughed as she took a drink from her can of soda before continuing. "Anyways, he's tall, got reddish hair, and like unusually pale." She shrugged before walking away.

"D-Did he say what he wanted?" I shakily called out to her, my body frozen with panic.

"Nope, just said he wanted to see you. I told him I would come and get you; though your shift should be almost over."

"A-Alright. Thanks."

I turned and stiffly went back to my desk. I suddenly felt very lightheaded and nauseous. I tried to convince myself she could have been wrong in her description, but there was no way. I wasn't that lucky. What were the odds that _he_ would show up? How did he find me? The answers came to me as soon as I asked. It wouldn't be hard for him to find me while I was with Carlisle. Alice knew I was with Carlisle and knew where Carlisle was. So, really, it wouldn't be that hard at all.

I took several deep breathes before I finally got up and went outside. My legs were shaky and my heart was beating in my chest so hard that I was worried it would explode. I folded my arms across my chest and came to a stop just outside of the door. I decided that I would look for a second, but if didn't see him, I would hurry up and go back inside. However, my luck really was horrible and the first glance to the left I froze as my eyes took in the one vampire I had thought I would never see again.

My eyes narrowed as they moved to his. The darkness of them worried me a little, but that was the only feeling I felt, aside from an enormous amount of irritation and anger. He had the nerve to smile after a moment and moved to come closer to me.

"Bella," he whispered as a hint of my old favorite crooked smile crept onto his face. I moved back with my arms still folded and just shook my head. It was easier than I thought it would be and I was glad for it. I turned around and walked back inside, wishing the sun would come out to make him hide away.

"Bella, please," he begged before the door closed in his face.

I moved back to my desk, arms folded tighter, hands balled into fists, and my eyes still narrowed as I sat completely still in my chair. I didn't care about the stares I was getting, or the whispers of the nurses and patients around wondering what was wrong. I didn't care about anything, but going home. Yet it suddenly didn't seem far enough away. He was too close for my liking.

I couldn't believe Edward would just show up like that. No phone calls, no letters, texts, email, nothing at all the entire time he was gone. And then, he assumes it's okay to just show up right when I was finally okay with moving on.

"Selfish, inconsiderate asshole," I mumbled and didn't realize that one of the doctors was standing next to me.

"Excuse me?" he said quietly as he stood frozen next to me. My body relaxed and I dropped my arms as a blush heated my face.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I wasn't talking about you!" I quickly apologized, feeling extremely embarrassed.

"Well I sure hope not. I couldn't begin to think of what I could have done wrong." He smiled to show that he believed me and I smiled in return before he walked away. I turned to face my desk and slammed my head down on top of it.

I didn't know what to do, or how long he would stay out there if he hadn't already left. I also wasn't sure what would happen when Carlisle arrived to pick me up. Would they talk? Would I be forced to talk to Edward? I just wasn't in the mood for it, and doubted I ever would be.

A few minutes ticked by and they felt like forever. My shift was coming to an end and Carlisle would be arriving soon. I couldn't take my eyes off the door in fear of Edward walking through it. Apparently the other receptionist noticed and got the wrong idea because she told me I could go ahead and leave. Actually, I wished she would tell me I'd have to work longer, but of course, nothing ever worked that way.

I slowly gathered my things and walked even slower towards the door. I hoped more than I have ever hoped for anything that he had just given up and left, but when I saw his form standing in the same spot out of the corner of my eye, I knew that wasn't possible. I took a deep breath and did all that I could to calm myself before I pushed the door open. That first second, he turned and opened his mouth to speak, but I held out my hand.

"Just don't. I don't want to hear anything you have to say," I told him as I continued to walk. He closed his mouth, but followed me and the silence didn't last long.

"Please talk to me," he begged in a low voice. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that he wasn't there. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"Why should I?" I asked as I whirled around to face him. "I don't want to hear what you have to say, I don't want to talk to you and honestly, I just want you to go away."

"Please, I have so much to tell you."

"No."

"Will you at least think about it? I know it is probably a shock to see me here. But there is so much I want to know and so much you need to know."

"Probably? Huh. I know what I need to know, Edward. I know all that matters to me now," I said with a sigh as closed my eyes and turned from him.

"Think about it? Please?" he said again, his voice broke with his pleas.

"If I tell you yes, will you leave me alone?"

He winced as he slowly nodded his head. "I'll be around if you need me, but call when you're ready." He handed me a piece of paper and I looked down at it to see his number written on it. I turned to ask him what he meant by he'll 'be around,' but he was already gone.

I slowly walked back to my normal waiting spot for when Carlisle arrived and stared at the piece of paper. I shoved it into my pockets and shoved away the thought of ever using it. I wouldn't need to use it because I would never call him. I didn't want to talk to him, or hear his excuses. I didn't know why he wanted to talk to me so bad and I hated that I was even mildly curious to know.

It seemed like it took longer than usual for Carlisle to get there. I was really hoping that he was still in his good mood, regardless of the reasoning behind it, because I just wanted to take my mind of Edward. Then I wondered if I should tell him. He would probably be able to smell Edward on me since he was so close to me, so I knew I would need to explain. But what was there to explain? Was there a chance he already knew? Could he have told Edward where I was? I couldn't really think that because he should have known I wouldn't want to see him.

It was just what I needed, more chaos added to my life.

I was just about to pick up my phone when I saw Carlisle's car pull into the driveway. He was going slower than usual and because of the tinted windows, I couldn't see inside to get an idea if something was wrong. His window was down though, but it still wasn't any help. As I stood up and opened the door, he spoke before I could even sit down.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes darting around.

"Yes, why?" I asked.

"Are you sure?" His eyes settled on mine as if he was searching for something and I sighed. He knew.

"Did you know?" I asked as I pulled the door closed.

"Did I know what?" He looked confused for a moment, but I noticed that he took in a deep breath and then his body stiffened. "No."

"How did he know where to find me?"

"I'm not sure, but my guess is it wasn't really hard. Not if he really wanted to find you."

"So you think he's been searching for me until it led him here? Why would he want to talk to me so badly? He says there's something I need to know. Do you have any idea what that might be?"

"Honestly, no. The last time I saw him was just before he said goodbye to you. I haven't heard from him since then. The only thing I had letting me know anything about how he was doing, and if he was even safe, were Alice's visions. She had told me two weeks ago that they were hard to see because he didn't know what he was doing. That he would decide one moment and then change his mind. So, either he was doing it on purpose to keep us out, or my son is a mess right now. How did he look? You talked to him?"

I glanced at him as he finished talking and during the last questions he asked, his expression a mixture of curiosity and pain. I could only guess the reasoning behind it and that was that he missed Edward more than he let on. I shouldn't have been surprised though. Edward was his first companion and he did create him. He was, as they said, for all intents and purposes his son. I felt selfish for only thinking of my feelings on him showing up.

"He _looked_ like a mess, really. His eyes were dark and that worried me a little. I only talked to him long enough to get him to leave me alone. I can't believe he would show up while I was at work like that. They let me go early after I accidentally insulted a doctor. Which, at least, he knows wasn't directed towards him. Of course though, being let out early meant I had extra time to deal with Edward.

"He just begged me to talk to him. Told me there were things he wanted to say, things I needed to know and things he wanted to know. Like I owe him any of that. He made me promise to think about talking to him in order for him to leave me alone, but he said that he would 'be around' and left me with his number before disappearing. "

"What is he thinking? I wish I had more information. Alice isn't answering her phone; I've been trying to call her all day. She sent one text that went towards something I was thinking, but nothing after that. I tried to call one more time, especially after I picked up Edward's scent near the driveway, but still, nothing. I'm worried. She has always answered her phone, unless there was a problem."

"What could the problem be? Do you think she knew about Edward? Do you think she told him to come here?" I asked, not really believing that Alice would do that, but knowing that it _was _definitely possible.

"No, she wouldn't have done that. She supports you moving on as much as I do. She wants to see you happy and healthy. Honestly, I think she would prefer she got to see you before Edward." He smiled a bit at that and so did I.

Alice had wanted to see me so badly those last few weeks, but I still wasn't ready to take in all of the Cullens yet. I would prefer all of them to seeing Edward though.

"So, are you sure you are okay?" he asked as he reached over and grabbed my hand, running his thumb over the back of it. I couldn't help but smile as I looked up at him.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, just angry. Well, I guess I'm confused too, but that's nothing really."

"Nothing? Well, I'm glad you are okay," he said with smile, though it slowly faded into frown.

"Are you okay?" I asked, turning his hand over in mine and running the thumb of my other hand over it as he had done to mine.

"Yes, I'm okay. I am worried though. For one, if his eyes are dark, then he hasn't hunted, but I suppose it's better than them being red." He laughed once humorlessly and I looked away from him and down to our joined hands.

Even talking about something as stressful as Edward's return, I felt relaxed and calm while being next to him; just as I had in that dream and when I woke up. My hand fit perfectly with his and touching him still had that same, strange electricity as before, but I'd grown used to it. I loved the feeling of his skin and the way it felt to touch it. I loved the way it felt to be next to him. I felt drawn to him, like a magnetic pull and wanted so badly to rest my head on his shoulder. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me, hold me tightly, and to never move from that spot. But that didn't seem very realistic.

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**A/N:** I have most of this story planned out and outlined already, but I'm curious to know your thoughts and what you would like to see. How would you like to see Carlisle and Bella brought together? Things are going to get a little worse before they get better (no, I'm not kidding), but is there anything that you would like to see happen, even if it's not including Carlisle and Bella? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks for reading. =)


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I'm not too thrilled with how this chapter turned out, but no matter how many times I edited, it always came out the same. It will probably end up leaving you with more questions than you had before, but it's needed and it's building up to what's coming. I would really love to hear what you think of it.

A big thanks to TheUnderStudy for being a great beta and helping me with this mess.

Now, on with the craziness...**  
**

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**Chapter 15  
**_Carlisle's POV_

I was confused to say the least; very torn in my reactions to hearing of Edward's arrival. Part of me was happy to know that my son was okay and that there was a chance I could finally see him after so long. However, the more selfish part of me was angry that he was here and that he had showed up the way he did. I was fairly certain of his reasoning.

I worried about the effect it would have on Bella, though she seemed to being handling it all well. I was also afraid of the chance that they would talk and what it would lead too. Could she forgive him and would she go back to him? I hated to think there was a chance that she could. It wasn't that I had no faith in her, or the progress she had made. Yet, when one is faced in a position as she is, it's hard to predict the outcome.

I hated to leave her alone, but I couldn't call into work because of it. A part of me hoped that Edward was still near the hospital so I could see him and maybe talk about why he decided to show up. I was afraid of him getting into my thoughts though, especially when they were focused on one person. I had told Bella that if she needed anything to not hesitate and call me and she agreed. She seemed to enjoy being near me since I had picked her up from work and didn't leave my side until I had to get ready for work.

I wanted so badly to talk to her about what I had planned to talk to her about, but it didn't seem like the right time. She was constantly lost in her thoughts and I didn't want to interrupt her. Those thoughts played a crucial part in my life as well as hers. As I was leaving for work, she had grabbed a book and sat down next to the fire to read. I paused in the doorway and took one good look at her to last me through the night. I couldn't help but wish that that was an image I could see for the rest of my life, but the hope of having her as my own was slowly fading.

Once I had arrived at work, I noticed a familiar looking figure standing near the entrance of the hospital. I was shocked to say the least; I never expected to see her so soon, but it shouldn't have surprised me considering the earlier events of the day. I smiled at the back of her small form as I grew closer and overheard as she whispered into the phone that she loved and already missed her husband.

"Can't be parted for a moment can you?" I asked with a small laugh.

"Carlisle!" she squealed as she sprang at me.

"Hello, Alice. What are you doing here? Not that I am not pleased to see you."

She took a step back from me before letting out a deep sigh. "I was trying to stop Edward, but obviously I didn't succeed."

"Why was stopping him so important?" I could see her telling him it was a bad idea, but coming all the way out to California to stop him? I felt like there was something I was missing.

"His actions will prolong the future even more. By him coming here today, everything was set back weeks, possibly months." Her eyes narrowed as she looked directly into mine and I raised a brow in question.

"Am I supposed to understand the meaning of that? What exactly has been set back?"

"Don't worry about it," she said as she turned to sit down on the same bench Bella used during her lunch breaks. I curiously watched as she rested her elbows on her knees and her chin in her palms. Her eyes took on that distant look they got when she was seeing something I couldn't. I hoped it was something to do with Edward. I really wanted her to elaborate on what was being pushed back because of Edward's return, but knowing Alice, and the way she guarded her visions, I wouldn't know until it happened.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"He's hunting." I nodded as I looked up into the darkened, cloud-filled sky. It looked to be another night of rain. "I told him it was the least he could do if he seriously refused to leave, especially since it had Bella worried. Not for her own safety of course, but for other people." She shook her head as she smiled sadly. I winced slightly at the mention of being Bella worried about Edward.

"She's fine, Carlisle. She hasn't moved from her spot on the couch."

I felt better knowing it, even if I hadn't doubted it. I wanted to ask Alice more, but I was worried that if I asked or said too much it would give my feelings away. I wasn't ready for that. Even if she knew, which was very likely because it was hard to keep anything from Alice, I wasn't ready to admit it to anyone that wasn't Bella. Not until I told her. I turned back towards the glass doors, knowing my shift was about to start, and noticed Alice was glaring at me again. I had no idea what was wrong and I was sure I wouldn't want to know. Sometimes not knowing was better, especially in her case.

"My shift is starting, so I better get inside. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm not sure. I would like to stay for a while and… possibly see someone." She looked at me with a pointed look and I couldn't help but laugh. I had wondered if it would be too much for Bella though.

"I will call her and ask, okay?" I said as I started walking through the doors as they slid open. Her reaction was her normal excited bounce and squeal combination.

"She will say yes!" she told me with a glowing smile.

If Bella was going to agree, I wondered for a moment if it would be better to just have Alice go and sit at the house overnight, just in case. However, Alice was already shaking her head.

"She will be just fine on her own. I will be watching for her and I won't be too far away, so it will be easy to rush over if there are any problems. Edward will keep his promise to her by leaving her alone."

"Alright, as long as you are sure." I had trouble believing that. It wasn't like Edward to leave her alone for too long. He could promise to leave her alone, but he would always say later that she never specified for how long.

"Positive. You go work and I'm going to hunt and call Jasper again."

She smiled brightly before she disappeared and I went straight to my office. For the first time I wished that I could have just stayed home.

Work was unfortunately slow and I was looking forward to at least some sort of distraction from my thoughts. Aside from the child with a cold and the woman with a sprained wrist, and a few other patients to check on, there was nothing but Bella in my mind. Edward made a few appearances in my thoughts as well, but I pushed those of him away. I was entirely unsure of how to feel about him being back in our lives, so I preferred to not think of him at all. It was hard being so conflicted when it came to him and to be honest, I was a little hurt that he hadn't visited me yet.

On my first break, I sat in my office thinking back to some of the things Alice had said. I was curious about what could have been pushed back weeks, or months away. I wasn't aware of anything happening or any plans. However, it didn't take long for my slow thoughts to finally catch up and connect the details. The only thing that made sense was my plan to tell Bella how I felt about her. If that was what Alice meant, not only did that mean she knew, but Edward's return would be a lot longer than I expected. Not that I really knew what to expect, but it would be that much longer before I could open up to Bella and get my answers.

Thinking of Bella made me want to see her, or at least talk to her. It was ten o'clock and I was pretty sure she was asleep, or close to it. I didn't want to wake her, but I couldn't stop myself. I sent her a text message instead.

_Just checking in to make sure you are still okay, even though you are probably asleep. - Carlisle_

After pushing send, I wished I hadn't. I had to take back my thoughts from the night before: I didn't feel like a twenty-three year old human, I felt like an infatuated teenager. With a sigh, I rubbed my forehead as I shoved my phone into my coat pocket and leaned back into my chair. I had just shut my eyes before it vibrated and pulled me out of my wandering thoughts.

_Nope. Can't sleep, but I am okay. :) How's work? - Bella_

I was slightly concerned about her not being able to sleep, but if she said she was okay, I had to believe her.

_It's the same as every night. Only difference is I have a bit more on my mind than usual. - Carlisle_

_I see. Well, it's a good thing you are great at multi-tasking. ;) - Bella_

I never would have guessed she would be the type to use those little faces in her text messages, but I found it strangely cute.

_Yes, I guess it is. However, I should mention there is also a second visitor to add to the mess as well. - Carlisle_

I figured it would be best to bring Alice up before the last minute. I knew Bella liked to have time to think things over before she made a decision.

What_? Who else is here? - Bella_

I just didn't mean to make her panic and I sensed that was what she was doing.

_Alice. She tried to stop Edward from coming and setting things back. I'm not quite sure what she meant by that and of course she would not tell me. - Carlisle_

_Well, I appreciate the attempt, though, she could have at least warned me. - Bella_

_Yes, I suppose that is true and it would have been nice to have at least been prepared. Well, I need to get back to work and you need your sleep. Goodnight, Bella. - Carlisle_

_Okay. I think my chances at sleep are looking better now. Goodnight, Carlisle. - Bella_

A smile formed across my lips as I read her words. I couldn't say why exactly, but it happened with any interaction with Bella. Of course, thinking that my texting her seemed to help ease her as it had me was a pretty good reason to smile as well.

Just as I was standing and putting my phone back in my pocket, it vibrated again. I looked to find another text from Bella.

_Oh and bring her home with you. - Bella_

My smile grew wider as I headed back through the hallways to check on my patients.

The rest of the night passed with ease. I was able to calm my thoughts once I knew Bella was okay. Though things were crazy at the moment, I felt okay. Yet, I also couldn't help but feel that things had only just begun to start going downhill. It was just another sign of the things that had changed in me. Whereas before, I was confident and optimistic when it came to things that were a bit tough, I somehow turned into someone who waited around for the next bomb to blow.

The ease of the night soon faded as something felt a bit off to me. I found myself repeatedly looking over my shoulder. I wasn't sure what the cause of it was, but I half expected to turn around and see someone watching me. That soon proved to be true when I was standing at the end of the hallway near the nurses' station, going over some patient information. As I closed the folder and turned around, I was actually startled for the first time that I could remember. My eyes were able to close in on him and I was surprised I hadn't caught his scent. He was just far enough away that it was faint and barely noticeable, unless I was searching for it.

Edward stood at the opposite end of the hallway through the sliding glass doors that led to the waiting room. He was as still as statue with his eyes locked on mine. It was strange that no one else seemed to notice him and it was almost as if I was imagining him being there.

_Edward, what are you doing here? _I thought to him, knowing he was listening.

His eyes narrowed in response; it was the only movement he made.

_Are you alright? Is something wrong? _ I asked him. Taking one step towards him, but stopped when he still stood motionless, glaring at me. Something was wrong, though I had no idea what it could have been. His eyes were bright and it showed that he had hunted, but the way they focused on me was not how I had ever imagined him looking at me. They were cold and emotionless. His jaw was set and his hands were balled into fists.

_Edward? _I took several more steps towards him, hoping that he would speak, but it had the opposite effect. He retreated slowly, never taking his eyes off me. I kept walking, but once he rounded the corner, I lost him; he disappeared out of the doors and into the night. I stood outside of the entrance, under the glow of the hospital lights, but he was nowhere to be seen. He was gone.

The look in his eyes haunted me for the rest of the night. As I thought back over the time I felt uncomfortable, I wondered how long he had been watching me. I wondered just how much of my thoughts he had heard. Realization dawned on me finally as I finished the last of my paperwork and prepared to go home.

My thoughts. Bella. He knew, and he didn't like what he heard.

A feeling developed in the pit of my stomach and it made me feel slightly sick. His cold eyes and hard expression. It was hatred that I saw in my son for the first time ever being directed towards me. I didn't know what to expect or what to think, but what I knew was that nothing good could come from what had taken place. A feeling of betrayal did terrible things to a vampire's mind and I had no doubt that that was how he was feeling.

I left the hospital quicker than I had planned, not caring if I had forgotten anything. There was one thing on my mind and that was returning to Bella. Once I returned home and found her lying peacefully in her bed, a faint smile touching her lips, the tension fell away immediately.

With a text from Alice letting me know she was on her way, I quietly left Bella's room and sat on the couch waiting for her arrival. With my head in my hands, my mind wandered to an easier time in a different world; a place where Bella was mine with no worries, and no questions. A time where I had realized how I felt for her before Edward. A time where Bella wasn't still recovering from a broken heart and scared of anything that might shatter it again. With a sigh, I leaned back on couch with my eyes closed.

"You know, things would have been easier if you had just told her from the beginning. You would at least know where you stand."

I laughed once as I shook my head.

"Alice, it would have been worse then. Now, unless you have a solution you can give me, I would really like to not talk about this."

"I would really like to tell you what I have seen, but I can't, Carlisle. Everything is a mess and I don't know what I can say and what I can't. I wish everyone would just make up their mind. No one has any idea what to do next. Therefore, I have nothing at all. I think I'm even starting to get a headache." She frowned as she rubbed her temples before sitting next to me on the couch.

"I'm sorry. As much as I would love for you to tell what you see and how to fix this, I respect that you can't. And honestly, I don't think I want to know most it. However, there is one thing I do _need_ to know."

With a sigh, she turned to look at me. Her eyes said more than I expected her to tell me and my heart clenched with a dull ache.

"Nothing will be easy and it will get worse before it gets better. Physically she will be fine, mentally, she will be a mess. No matter what Edward is feeling, the one thing you can always trust is that he would never physically harm her. But you and I both know that sometimes his mind goes to bad places. Those places convince him that things he would normally find wrong, are right. And honestly, there really isn't much you or I can do about it."

"What are you saying?" I leaned forward, the dull ache increased to a painful twisting in my chest.

"I can't tell you anything more. Bella will need your support and you must _always_ trust her."

Trust Bella? That was easy. I had never seen any reason why trusting her would be a hard thing to do. Her decisions weren't the best half of the time, but overall, she knew what she was doing and she always had the best intentions.

"Oh, and Carlisle?" she started, but waited for me to meet her eyes before she continued. "You must also remember to maintain your control."

Maintain my control? That had never been a problem for me before… unless it was where Bella was concerned. There had been a change when it came to her. But enough for a warning?

Any questions I had were put on hold as the sounds of Bella waking up and moving around filled the house. A smile formed on my lips and I stood without a thought to start preparing her breakfast while ignoring Alice's giggles behind me.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: ** Hey guys, I know it's been a while and I apologize for the wait. Ever since my trip back in September, and everything that has gone on between then and now, I have had a really hard time getting back into writing this story. I've had this back from my beta for a while, but only just got to it today because I just couldn't get into it. I hope that has changed since I seem to have something going on in my head right now. I'm going to give chapter 17 a shot tonight to see what I can get. I really hope I can continue it. I've always said I wouldn't abandon it, but shit happens and my brain sucks. =( So let's hope for the best! I will try my hardest to keep going with this, even if it takes a while.

Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. I would love to hear what you think.

Thanks to TheUnderStudy for helping me with this. It seems that when I take breaks from writing, I forget how to word things. Lol.

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**Chapter 16  
**_Bella's POV_

I woke up to the sound of rain pouring against my window. The room was dim, even with the curtains open as I had left them the night before. When my eyes first cracked open, I almost felt like I was back in Forks. However, I knew that I wasn't. My bed at Charlie's house was nowhere near as comfortable as the one I was currently lying on. I yawned, stretching my body, and then smiled when I realized that it was Saturday. I didn't have to go to work. My smile went wider as I closed my eyes and curled back into my pillow, trying to go back to sleep.

Unfortunately, it wasn't happening as my brain decided morning meant it was okay to swarm me with reality. One break, even the tiniest, was too much to ask for. With a sigh, I threw the blankets back, allowing the slight chill to wake me up further. I threw my legs off the bed and tried to shake the thoughts. Saturday meant no work, but it also meant a whole day trapped inside my own head with no distractions from the chaos that was quickly becoming too much.

I reflected back to the night before. I remember I had left the curtain open because I had been reading next to the window. With Edward making an appearance, my mind refused to shut down so I could sleep. I didn't want to admit it to Carlisle, but I was worried about him showing up while I slept. He was, after all, good at doing that. And it wasn't like I would ever know. Although Carlisle would, and that gave me slight comfort. I wouldn't know until after he would have done it. The not knowing if he would keep his word and leave me alone ate at me. _Why did Edward have to be such a creep? _I shook my head as I lazily walked to the bathroom.

I couldn't help but smile as I thought back to Carlisle checking up on me through text messaging. I had to admit that talking to him helped clear my mind enough for me to finally sleep. It was a wonderful sleep. I couldn't remember if I had any dreams, but that was better than remembering the nightmares. I wasn't even worried with that fact that I told him to bring Alice with him when he came home. However, when I finished in the bathroom, the thought suddenly jolted me the rest of the way awake. That meant she was downstairs right at that very moment.

I quickly walked back into my room, got dressed, and then went back into the bathroom to run a brush through my hair. I almost brushed my teeth, but due to the noise coming from my stomach, I decided to hold off on it until I ate something. I took a deep breath before I left the bathroom and slowly walked down the hallway and into the kitchen. I was surprised to only find Carlisle standing in there, already cooking my breakfast. I watched him curiously before glancing around to see if I could spot Alice, but she was nowhere in sight. Carlisle caught my glances and nodded his head into the living room as he scooped pancakes onto a plate, carrying it to the table.

Alice was almost too quiet and I immediately wondered if something was wrong. My expression must have said it all.

"She is giving you time to wake up," he said with a smile as he rested his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. I smiled at his touch and sighed softly. He turned away then, retrieving a coffee cup from the cabinet and set it down next to the pot for me.

"Thank you," I told him, not just for the cup, but because I was pretty sure he had told her to at least try and be calm. Knowing Alice, she must have been trying very hard. I almost laughed because I could imagine her sitting there, fidgeting with impatience. I decided to try and push my luck and eat as slow as possible, wearing a smile the whole time. Each bite was chewed more than necessary. I took long drinks of coffee in between. I even brought the fork to my mouth slower than normal. Carlisle chuckled softly from the corner of the kitchen where he stood with his arms crossed, watching me.

"Are you trying to kill her?" he asked quietly, even though were both knew she could hear him. To prove that point, I heard a quiet growl from the living room and couldn't could in my laughter anymore.

"Oh, Carlisle, having a bit of patience won't kill her." I smiled up at him before continuing with my food at a more normal pace.

Once I was finished, Carlisle took my plate from me and I went back into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When my teeth were as clean as they could get, I met Carlisle in the hallway and he placed his hand on my back loosely as we walked together into the living room. His touch still made me shiver, just from contact alone. I might have also walked a little closer to him than necessary, but he didn't seem to notice or mind.

Alice was literally sitting on the edge of the couch. Her hands on her lap, tapping on her knee as one leg bounced. It was a very human thing to do and I couldn't stop from smiling. She remained seated even after we walked into the room. Her eyes met mine before they shifted away and I realized that she did notice how close I was standing next to Carlisle. She sighed before she looking back up at me and I was curious about the expression she wore. Did she have a problem with Carlisle and I being closer than we were before? I didn't understand why and I also couldn't find it in myself to care.

She went back to her normal impatient self and I rolled my eyes. I stepped away from Carlisle and moved in her direction before stopping somewhere in the middle.

"What, no hug?" I asked her. Before I could blink, she shot up, squealing as she ran towards me. Next thing I knew, my feet were off the ground and I was embraced in an Emmett style hug from the smallest of the Cullen vampires. "Okay, I realize it's been a while, but you couldn't have forgotten that I need to breathe," I said, gasping before she set me down.

"Oh, Bella! I'm so sorry." She looked embarrassed. "I just missed you so much."

I wanted to be angry at her. For someone who missed me so much, someone who willingly left me behind with nothing, she sure didn't give me much reason to believe it. However, I couldn't be mad at her. If there was anything I had learned since reuniting with Carlisle, it was that there was so much left unsaid and I had no doubt there was more to it than her just carelessly leaving me behind. That thought made me think of several things at once. There were many things that Carlisle and I had yet to talk about. It just never seemed like the right time and I knew that right then, standing in front of Alice after so long, really wasn't the best time either.

"I missed you too," I replied instead.

For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed. I was sitting on the floor of the living room, my knees brought up to my chest as Alice tugged and twisted on my hair before pinning it up. She talked of the things that happened since they had left and I knew she was only mentioning the happy moments. I could tell she was carefully avoiding those memories that weren't. She told me about Emmett and some of his crazy antics to cheer everyone up and Rosalie's annoyance at some of his less mature pranks. As she told me about the time Emmett had super glued all of her expensive shoes to the bottom of her closet, I had a hard time catching my breath. I pictured his smug smile when Alice freaked out about him ruining the soles of every pair.

"Every pair was ruined," she said as she carefully ran the nail polish brush over my toe nails. "There were chunks missing and they were stuck to the floor. Oh, I was _so_ mad at him." Though I could imagine her anger, she wore a fond expression of her brother as she went on about having to replace them and how some of them were no longer available. Her punishment was forcing him to go shoe shopping with her for replacements while educating him on how to purchase just right ones for each outfit she owned. Poor guy.

She told me about Jasper and I could barely remember the things she said. I was focused on the love I could see in her eyes and the smile that never left her lips. I envied the sureness of their love. The easy, never fading, eternal love between them was something I longed for. I had a sliver of that kind of love and double the amount of hope. It was what I thought I had with Edward. To imagine you have something like that, to spend countless hours daydreaming of spending forever with someone, to always feel that loved and wanted, just to have it crash down around you, was so terribly heartbreaking. The wound wasn't fresh anymore and many months had been dedicated to trying to heal it, but the scar would always remain. That hidden mark on my heart would always be there to remind me that nothing was ever for certain. I failed at trying to hold in my sigh as I shoved those thoughts aside.

"What is it, Bella? Is something wrong?" Alice asked and before I could answer I could see she knew what I was going to say. I looked down at my freshly painted, deep purple nails before I got the courage to ask her.

"Alice, so much has changed in the last year," I started and she nodded and smiled. "When you look at my future now, what is it that you see?" As the words left my mouth, I suddenly wasn't so sure I wanted to know.

"Actually, you'd be surprised how much has and hasn't changed," she said with that all too knowing smile.

"Care to elaborate?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around me knees and rested my head on them, while looking over to her.

"I can't tell you too much, I'm sure you know that. However, I will tell you that I still see you becoming one of us," she said with a wide smile.

"But, I'm not with Edward anymore. How can you possibly-"

"Bella," she said, cutting me off. Her eyes stared into mine in such a serious manor that I had never seen from her before. "Do you honestly think that, just because you and Edward aren't together anymore, that we don't see you as family?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. How could I not see it that way? Edward broke up with me and they all left… What was I supposed to think?

"Well, to me, you will always be my sister and my best friend. To me, that is enough to always keep you. I know it doesn't seem that way, because of everything that had happened. We are all guilty of hurting you and we haven't lessened the weight of that fact; it's still heavily there. One day, hopefully soon, you will know everything. Some things you should already know, but I don't feel it's my place to tell you. Soon though, I promise. As for your future, it is always changing, especially the last few days. But those two things have never changed and I don't think they ever will. The timing isn't exactly clear just yet, but that doesn't mean anything either."

"Well... Just for the record, I don't want to be too old." I said with a smile as I pushed myself up off the floor, trying to make light of the situation.

"Oh, of course not." She smiled, knowing that I was done with the serious talk.

While I was happy to hear that I would still be one of them, something in me was unsure of the idea. I had spent my time with Edward so sure I wanted to be a vampire to be with him, to be equal. Then the last year was spent with the constant reminder that I never would be one of them and that I would always be alone because nothing else felt right. With Alice's confirmation, I didn't know if I should be happy or not. Would I still want forever if I had no one to share it with?

"Bella, stop worrying so much!" she said excitedly as she led me to the kitchen.

As she made me lunch, we talked about how to spend the rest of the day. The previous subject of shoe shopping before brought up and idea for her and I had to admit, I did need a new pair for work. I couldn't believe I had admitted it, but I had truly missed my bouncy best friend that much. After lunch, I got ready to head to the store. I had wanted to let Carlisle know we were going and I realized that I hadn't seen or heard him since Alice and I had gotten started.

"He's been upstairs in his study," Alice told me as I turned to look at her, not even opening my mouth yet. I nodded as I glanced at the stairs. "He'll be down in just a minute," she added softly. I turned to glare at her when she smiled at me. Just that one smile said so much. Somehow, she knew how I felt about Carlisle, or she at least had an idea.

"So, what kind of shoes did you have in mind?" Alice asked as she casually leaned against the wall, eyeing the pair I was just putting on. I raised a brow at her in question.

"You mean you're going to let me chose?" I said with a smile.

"Hmm, I haven't decided yet," she said, smiling again and glancing at the stairs as I tied my last shoe.

"Alright, but no heels," I said as I stood up straight, smoothing down my shirt.

At that moment, I heard Carlisle coming down the stairs. I turned to look at him as he took the last step and my eyes were locked on his. I barely registered Alice quickly leaving until she called out, letting me know she'd be waiting in the car. I turned to look after her, confused by her sudden disappearance, but all was forgotten as Carlisle came to stand in front of me. I was suddenly very nervous and as I tried to run a hand through my hair. It was a bit awkward when I realized my hair was pulled up.

"You look beautiful," he said after a moment and I smiled.

"Thanks."

"You should wear your hair pulled back more often. You hide behind it too much."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded quickly.

"So, I had something I wanted to ask you, though I realize now might not be the best time to do so," he said, looking just about as nervous as I felt.

"What is it? I'm sure Alice won't mind waiting a minute or two."

"I was just wondering where you stood on the moving issue. You were supposed to go look at those apartments this weekend and I just wondered if you would still need a ride for doing that."

He paused for a moment as he looked into my eyes before looking down and taking my hand. I once again realized just how comfortable his skin felt against mine. It wasn't too cool, nothing like what I would expect. In the beginning, it always felt like a shock of electricity whenever we would touch, but I was beginning to realize that it was just the comfort, a pulsing through my skin that always lead me to wanting more of his touch. My right hand was pressed between both of his as he seemed to try and find the right words before his eyes made their way back into mine. I wasn't sure how I managed to look up at just the right moment, but I met his eyes at the perfect time.

"I realized that, before, I wasn't very supportive of your decision and I apologize. If moving is what you feel is best for you and you need that independence, then I _will_ support that and help you as much as you will allow." While he spoke, so sure of himself and his words, his eyes didn't quite match. All at once, he was telling me two different things, two very meaningful things, yet I was stuck on something else.

"Honestly, I had actually forgotten about moving," I said, smiling as I looked back down at his hands and mine.

"Really? You were so sure of it."

"Yeah, I was." The word 'was' hung in the air heavily. That word alone held so much meaning and I could tell he knew that as his eyes watched me carefully. "But I think _this_ is my home." And as I said that, I realized those words said much more than I was fully ready to admit. By _this, _I meant _him. _He smiled and looked happy as I added, "As long as it is okay with you, I'd be happy to stay here as long as you plan on staying. And when the time comes for you to leave, I'll decide where I go from there." His hand had moved from mine to slowly inching closer to my face where he gently touched my cheek,

"I'd love that," he said, his voice lower and deeper than before.

"Good," I barely whispered, feeling his touch and losing myself in his eyes.

Without fully knowing it, my hand that wasn't still being held by his had moved to his side as his thumb stroked my cheek. We seemed to be closer to each other, as if gravity was pulling us together. There was so much emotion in his eyes and I didn't have enough time to try and decipher their meaning before I felt his chest against mine. Both of his hands were on my face and both of mine are holding him close. I wanted so badly for him to kiss me, yet I was terrified of it at the same time. However, I didn't have much time to fully decide before his lips were on mine.

His lips were hard, yet so smooth and soft. He was gentle as he held my face to his, running his thumbs against my eyelids as they fluttered closed. White dots filled my vision and I barely felt that I could stand on my own two feet as my knees weakened. Our mouths moved together, picking up a quicker pace as my right hand traveled up his chest and held his head firmly in place against mine. Through my left hand that stayed on his chest, I could feel him, his cool, hard skin, through the material of his thin shirt. It was so close to what I had dreamt. I could feel him in every place we were touching, my skin steadily burning with contact, and it suddenly became very real to me.

I pulled back quickly, my eyes immediately meeting his as I struggled to catch my breath. His hands dropped to his sides and his expression was a mixture I couldn't understand. I had to look away. I started to speak, not even sure what I would say, but I couldn't get words to pass through my lips correctly. The taste of him was still there, distracting me. I closed my eyes and tried again, saying the first thing that came to mind as I slowly backed away from him.

"I-I should go. Alice is waiting," I whispered more clearly than before opening my eyes and quickly running out of the door.


End file.
